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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Wheresmrpenguin · 02/09/2021 15:07

@GreyhoundG1rl

I'd cancel the entire trip, tbh. You're driving for two hours, and she wants you to use the hotel beside her house so she doesn't have to travel at all?! I'm definitely getting vibes that she's not particularly looking forward to any of it.
This is the vibe I'm getting too. The friend doesn't sound like they want to make any effort at all.
ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 15:10

8am is an ordinary breakfast time for most people, surely?

Not on a Sunday it isn't.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 15:14

It sounds like the whole safari trip in the first place is mainly for your toddler and you suggested they tag on in order to see you when it probably wouldn't have been their choice of activity

@Pedalpushers

I didn’t invite them, the Safari park is around 40 minutes from where they live.
When I told her we had booked, she was the one who suggested they come and meet us.

I didn’t invite them as I didn’t think they would enjoy coming. Apparently she loves the safari park, hence why SHE suggested coming with us.

OP posts:
RedMarauder · 02/09/2021 15:16

OP do the safari park and don't do anything with her on Sunday.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/09/2021 15:17

I'd book the cheaper hotel, have breakfast when you want to, go for a swim or whatever else the cheaper hotel has to offer and then meet her at a café for a coffee at 10am (for you) and breakfast (for her).

She's being an arse.

Time, tides and toddlers wait for no man or woman in general, especially when they're hungry (toddlers, that is).

I wouldn't want to do breakfast at 7am either -- but I would completely understand that YOU needed to and wouldn't piss you around in such a mad fashion!

So meet her at 10, leave at 11 and you've still plenty of time to get home, get cat etc. and have some down time before the toddler goes to bed.

CutePanda · 02/09/2021 15:18

So @Dandy008 you are making SO much effort, travelling 2 hours, going to a safari park and staying the night in a hotel with a baby. Meanwhile, your friend is local and childless but is still making demands and refuses to compromise?

She sounds really self-centred and not a great friend.

Go to the cheaper hotel further away from your friend. Don’t meet for breakfast. She shouldn’t dictate your holiday.

ChargingBuck · 02/09/2021 15:19

@lockdownmadnessdotcom

Oh I'd missed the safari park plan.

Well to be fair, if I were child-free, that would be my idea of hell. Even with kids it would be my idea of hell. She probably needs a lie-in after that!

But it's clearly not the friend's "idea of hell", as it was she herself who suggested joining OP on this already-planned day out.
Berkeys · 02/09/2021 15:20

YABU, not everyone can eat early. I feel sick before 10am and couldn’t eat early. Just have two breakfasts!

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 15:20

@ittakes2

I would be upset by her attitude but another idea is to have your family breakfast at 8am, pack up and meet her for a coffee at 10.30am while she eats breakfast. I have twins - I do understand how toddlers can be tricky but you are completely revolving your life around your son's time tables. Its very common for adults to feed children earlier and then meet adults later for a meal and give the kids a snack or dessert while the adults are eating. Your child - you get to decide how you want to live your life but you are in the minority not being more flexible with expecting everyone to eat when your child eats rather than feeding him earlier (I am not just referencing this breakfast but also your comments about the family dinner at 7pm).
@ittakes2

I am not just referencing this breakfast but also your comments about the family dinner at 7pm

I did go for the 7pm dinner (which was for a child’s birthday) but as I said in a previous comment, my son was utterly miserable and it wasn’t fun for anyone, especially him.

He wasn’t entertaining the food / snacks we took.
He was tired and wanted to go to bed.

He’s in a pretty good routine and usually goes to bed at 7.30pm.

I only went because of family telling me I should just take, it’s only one night.
They all changed their attitudes when he was screaming the whole time 😑

He’s only 18 months old. I’m sure when he’s a bit older he’ll be able to manage staying up past his bed time without being a grump!

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 15:20

Will a hotel still be serving breakfast at 10.30? I know holiday inn only serve until 10 on a weekend and earlier mid week

Every hotel I’ve ever stayed in does breakfast til 10.30/11 on the weekend. Premier inn, Hilton, Marriott, Holiday Inn and HIE etc. It really isn’t that unusual. Not only that, we went out in town one Sunday morning and found it impossible to get any breakfast/brunch before 9am.

LookItsMeAgain · 02/09/2021 15:21

My advice would be to send her the following:
Hi Friend, We're clearly at an impasse here where the early morning breakfast on Sunday doesn't suit you and the later one doesn't suit us. So, we'll leave the Sunday arrangements and do our own thing. Lookling forward to seeing you and catching up on Saturday. Until then...."

Then you just look after yourselves on the Sunday. Can I ask is there a noticeable difference in what is on offer for breakfast in the hotel that she has you staying in versus the one you wanted to stay in? It sounds very much like she wanted a free breakfast as your guest in the hotel (the more expensive one) and not the buffet continental breakfast that may have been on offer in the other hotel.

Penners99 · 02/09/2021 15:21

10:30 is almost lunchtime. My breakfast is usually 05:30

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 15:23

He’s only 18 months old. I’m sure when he’s a bit older he’ll be able to manage staying up past his bed time without being a grump!

I think refusing to go somewhere because it is past bedtime is understandable, and I would have done the same, or got a baby sitter. But that’s a different situation to deciding others should eat in the same schedule as your child.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 15:23

@Penners99

10:30 is almost lunchtime. My breakfast is usually 05:30
@Penners99

DS always had lunch at 11.30 / 11.45 at home and at nursery.

I’ve found myself having it at this time now too (on my days off work)

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 02/09/2021 15:24

I'd stay at a cheaper hotel, have breakfast early, go for a walk in the park and then meet at their house for breakfast for them and coffee for you.

If that's not good enough, just go home early.

They don't have dcs, they don't understand. Yet! Smile

Ozanj · 02/09/2021 15:24

@Penners99

10:30 is almost lunchtime. My breakfast is usually 05:30
I feel sorry for you
Phobiaphobic · 02/09/2021 15:25

She said she would offer for us to stay over at hers but doesn’t want to get up early / be disturbed by DS.

WTAF? Honestly, it's beyond me how you could remain friends with this woman. It's ALL about her.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 15:28

@BoredZelda

I don’t really feel like I’ve decided that anyone should eat in my sons schedule though, particularly not in this situation.

My friend suggested 10.30am for breakfast… I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I offered to push back breakfast to 8am and explained that as it’s a 2 hour drive back home and we have to collect the cat from
the cattery, we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.

I told her we would book a different hotel and still see her on the Saturday but we would skip breakfast with them the next day.

I thought that was the end of it until she text me telling me I’m being difficult…..

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 15:28

Would your son sleep in a pram? If we went out for dinner and the toddlers were tired they would sleep in the pram.

Pedalpushers · 02/09/2021 15:29

@Dandy008

*It sounds like the whole safari trip in the first place is mainly for your toddler and you suggested they tag on in order to see you when it probably wouldn't have been their choice of activity*

@Pedalpushers

I didn’t invite them, the Safari park is around 40 minutes from where they live.
When I told her we had booked, she was the one who suggested they come and meet us.

I didn’t invite them as I didn’t think they would enjoy coming. Apparently she loves the safari park, hence why SHE suggested coming with us.

Yes I misread, however when people say they 'love the safari park' they usually mean 'i really want to see you so I'll tag along with whatever you and the family are doing'.
PetronellaOsgood · 02/09/2021 15:31

Just cancel the breakfast and either stay at the cheaper hotel or head home from the safari park. A 2 hour drive isn’t too bad.
To be honest if I’d spent the whole day out with friends I wouldn’t want to be meeting them for breakfast as well the next day, but I’m an unsociable bugger 😂

Phobiaphobic · 02/09/2021 15:32

I don't think this issue is really about whether you can find a practical solution, tbh. I think underneath all this discussion about arrangement, you're rightly upset at how one-sided and selfish your 'friend' is being. I think you know she's entitled, and expects you to put yourself out but it's never reciprocated. I wouldn't be surprised to hear there's been a bit of an undercurrent of this before now, but this has just brought it to a head. She's calling you difficult because she's projecting, and because you're not dancing to her tune.

idontlikealdi · 02/09/2021 15:32

Just feed our kid, and then feed him again. The world doesn't revolve around you because you have kids (and yes, I have two).

altiara · 02/09/2021 15:34

If you’re seeing her on the Saturday then I wouldn’t bother with Sunday as she’s only thinking about herself.
I’d just go home Saturday evening and let DS sleep in the car.

wendywoopywoo222 · 02/09/2021 15:35

Sorry we can't work with ten o clock for breakfast. We will be heading back about then. Look forward to seeing you on Saturday.

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