Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

Two types of parents

Those that make others eat at 5pm because precious is hungry and must be in bed by 7.30

and normal people

Can’t you go for lunch with them? Or have your breakfast when you want to, and then have a second breakfast with them which you treat as lunch?

Also you’re going away for one night and putting the cat in a cattery? That seems unnecessary. Just leave extra food out.

@idontlikealdi

Just feed our kid, and then feed him again. The world doesn't revolve around you because you have kids (and yes, I have two).

@idontlikealdi

I guess I could then rightly say, my world doesn’t revolve around my friend because she doesn’t have kids… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Works both ways, I’m all about compromise but if you’ve read all of my comments my friend isn’t comprising.
The more I think about it, the less I actually want to go and spend time with her now anyway.

My guess is she has no idea what toddlers are actually like and fondly imagines a relaxed chatty adult brunch.
Last time she saw your DC they were a portable baby so she maybe doesn't realise the reality of what she is proposing.
Even if you do manage to time it so toddler is hungry at the allotted hour, there's no way they're going to sit quietly for more than half an hour or so.

Why wouldn’t you feed him at his normal time and then again at 10.30? That’s what I do with my kids when I have brunch plans. My kids are always ready to eat especially when it’s restaurant food!

@PattyPan

Can’t you go for lunch with them? Or have your breakfast when you want to, and then have a second breakfast with them which you treat as lunch?

Also you’re going away for one night and putting the cat in a cattery? That seems unnecessary. Just leave extra food out.

@PattyPan

Our cat is 18. She’s an old lady.

I couldn’t leave her on her own overnight, it wouldn’t be fair.

Usually my mum (who lives round the corner) would have her, but she’s on holiday that week so she’s going to a cattery.
It’s actually more of a pet hotel, avoids her having to stay in a small cage.

I'd book the cheaper hotel, have the safari day out and forget about the breakfast.

I think this whole thing is over complicated, you want to leave early on Sunday in order to pick up the cat, that's it, it's irrelevant when your son usually eats breakfast. She was the one who suggested breakfast and if she can't meet you at a time that fits in with your plan then you can't meet her

@Eralos

Why wouldn’t you feed him at his normal time and then again at 10.30? That’s what I do with my kids when I have brunch plans. My kids are always ready to eat especially when it’s restaurant food!

@Eralos

I would, but what would you suggest we do for 3 hours until my friend arrives?

The hotel my friend wants us to stay at is just off of a main road. It’s not by a park or anywhere decent we can go for a walk.

I also told my friend I want to set off early to get home.

I didn’t want to seek like I was unwilling to compromise so I told my friend I’d book a hotel further away, the one I’d found was cheaper than hers and has a pool.

At least then we could take DS for his breakfast at his normal time, go for a swim, get ready and meet our friends at 10.30 and set off home at 11.30.

My friend said that hotel was too far away to her to go to (it’s 30 minutes away)

I'd just bring some sachets of baby porridge (that you can make with hot water from your hotel kettle), bananas and biscuits. Feed the DC when they wake up. Meet the friend for a proper breakfast a bit later.

She does sound like a pain, though, prioritising a lie-in over you.

No way I'd be meeting anyone for an 8am breakfast on a Sunday. Feed the kid earlier and then meet?

She is being unreasonable re the 30min drive to the other hotel. I would definitely book the pne with the pool.

She was the one who then suggested a hotel by her because she likes their breakfast and it would be close for them to come and join us for breakfast.

So was a plan made to meet for breakfast and she insisted you stay nearby as she didn't want to travel 30 mins to the other hotel, as your OP says? Or was there no plan for breakfast until she suggested you stay near them because the hotel has great breakfasts and they could join you? They aren't the same thing.

I told her we had planned to take DS and she suggested her and her DH come and meet us for the day. We haven’t seen them for over a year so thought it would be a nice opportunity to meet up and to see our DS, who they have only met once.

You might think it is all about your DS but I doubt they see it that way. Their motivation is probably that they want to see you. They are only joining you at the safari park because they enjoy it. I'm sure they would like to see your DS but I doubt that is their highest priority.

Breakfast really is an adult thing. It's not a treat for your DS to have breakfast with a bunch of adults, if anything, he'd probably rather be anywhere other than sitting in a high chair for an hour while you have a leisurely breakfast and catch. They aren't coming for breakfast to spend more time with your DS, they are coming to spend more time with you.

Your friend sounds selfish and completely unreasonable.

SHE wants to tag along to your family day out.

SHE wants to meet for breakfast.

SHE wants you to stay nearer to her so she and her husband aren’t inconvenienced.

SHE can’t possibly have breakfast before 10am.

Tell her you’ll probably not make breakfast then. Book the nicer further away hotel with the better amenities and have a fun weekend to your timetable.

Ignore the selfish rude friend and the posters on here trying desperately to make you sound unreasonable. Yes I have twenty eighteen month old kids and none of them eat breakfast before 10am and they sleep till I tell them to get up and are utterly cherubic when forced to stay up beyond their bedtimes. 🙄

OP you need to be mindful of your family’s needs. Your friend can stay in bed for as long as she likes. You however won’t be seeing her for breakfast if she cannot possibly drag herself out of bed before 10am.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

"I don't think you appreciate that a 2 year can not be negogiated with. By 10.30am he will be misbehaving and screeching for food. If you are offerring to look after him between 8am and 10.30am then be my guest, otherwise don't tell me I'm being difficult - this is the reality of being a parent. I'm sorry if this isn't convienent for you, but we'll just have to do something another time".

Omg just don't meet her for breakfast 🤦🏻‍♀️

Breakfast with friends is rarely an 8am thing in my opinion unless it's a weekday and you're meeting before work. It means brunch surely? I'd give the child breakfast at their normal time then an iPad during the adult breakfast.

(I don't have kids so feel free to disregard my opinion).

Actually I take it back - don't bother with breakfast/coffee at 10 because doubtless she'll be late.

You'll have seen her on Saturday - you don't actually need to see her for breakfast on the Sunday as well.

Just stick to your plans and say you're having an early breakfast and then heading home so you can be back by lunchtime.

Honestly YOU are not the one being difficult here!

I think parents often say that they can't do something because their child eats at a certain time or whatever.

You can get so used to doing things by their timetable that you just don't think.

Op's son could eat when he gets up (well the family could!) and they could then all eat again later.

But if Op wants to leave after an early breakfast &her friend doesn't want to meet until 10, then it's just never going to work.

The fact is that you have a son now, and you may well have other children. If your friend isn't willing to make any compromises for this, and no one is asking her to make huge ones, your friendship will probably be over fairly soon. Just book the cheaper hotel, have an early breakfast and go home. You will hopefully have had a lovely day out with everyone.

I think you’ve massively overthought and over complicated this by bringing your son’s mealtimes into it when it doesn’t sound like that’s really anything to do with it. The issue is that you want to head home early on Sunday, earlier than your friend is willing to be up, so breakfast is a no-go. That’s all that really needed to be said on the matter.

Making it about how your son needs to eat at 7am has got your friend’s back up because that’s quite a lame reason, really. She is massively unreasonable to suggest that your son wait until 10:30 to eat but as others have said, that whole argument is silly and you are both being unreasonable there. If you weren’t planning to leave so early you could very easily feed your son something at 7, have a snack yourself at the same time, then have a nice brunch with your friend at 10:30. But you don’t want to do that because you want to be on the road by then - that’s the main reason and all that needs to be said!

FWIW my sister has a toddler and I have countless close friends with kids and nobody has ever asked me to eat at 7am to accommodate their child! We would just go for brunch, even if the parents and their child had already eaten a light ‘breakfast’ at the crack of dawn it’s not like there’s a law against eating again mid-morning!

She's an idiot and the one being difficult and I'd message her back saying that as she's the adult surely she can get up early for one day, toddlers DON'T wait. If she won't budge book the hotel further away and leave the meeting up for another time. She hasn't a clue what it's like to have a toddler obviously

Couldn’t you just pop into their house for a coffee before you leave? Most hotels are packing away the breakfast at 10.30, that’s a late breakfast if you’ve gone to bed at a normal time!

Meeting on the Sunday clearly isn’t going to work especially as you have to leave early. She sounds quite entitled if she can’t drive half an hour to meet you at the other hotel but I can also understand why she wouldn’t want to meet you at 8am either. I would just leave it that you meet on the Saturday. If she’s thinks you are being difficult because you need to leave early the next day she’s not much of a friend anyway. Stay at the cheaper hotel and head off straight after breakfast. The fact you can’t stay at her house as it would ‘disturb’ her means she’s obviously inflexible and you would probably be stressed out trying to have a leisurely breakfast with adult chat while trying to entertain a toddler even if you did meet later!

I also told my friend I want to set off early to get home.

I didn’t want to seek like I was unwilling to compromise so I told my friend I’d book a hotel further away, the one I’d found was cheaper than hers and has a pool. At least then we could take DS for his breakfast at his normal time, go for a swim, get ready and meet our friends at 10.30 and set off home at 11.30.
My friend said that hotel was too far away to her to go to (it’s 30 minutes away)

OP I don't know why you're letting your friend dictate to you. If you're paying for a hotel fgs book the one that suits your family and you. If you want to set off home early after breakfast with your young family , after a long day with your friend the day before , then set ofc early.
Go for your swim anyway, but don't bother meeting up with your friend on Sunday. She can't be bothered to drive 30 mins or get up for breakfast when toddler has it, then breakfast isn't what you can meet up for. You are on two different routines. And I can guarantee she will be late/lie in on Sunday. As she's in that lazy adult weekend phase, you are in the gets up with early rising toddler had to keep busy/to toddlers routine phase.

You can't tell a toddler, no breakfast until later!!! 1030 is ridiculously late! I would book the cheaper hotel and have your breakfast when suits you and your child. Meet your friend for a drink.