Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 39 40

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:

Mrstamborineman · 02/09/2021 14:51

Just feed you child and meet at 1030 he will be ready for snack by then. Having a child doesn’t mean arranging everything to coincide with their meals

rookiemere · 02/09/2021 14:52

But 10.30 am breakfast doesn't suit OP either.

Chloemol · 02/09/2021 14:52

I would just go back as you say, that they will be fine having breakfast at )am rather than leaving a 18month old to go hungry until 10.30 to suit them

If they don’t like that I would just say ok we will cancel the hotel and just come for the day

MargosKaftan · 02/09/2021 14:52

If keep ds going on Saturday night until close to bedtime, put him in pjs and drive home, transfer to bed when you get back.

Or book whichever hotel suits you, be clear that while adults can be flexible, toddlers can't so, breakfast will be at breakfast time then you could meet for a coffee 10:30ish if she wanted breakfast out.

Its a pet hate of mine, adults who great grumpy about children not being "flexible" on their meal times, whilst themselves saying x o'clock is too early for them to eat breakfast/lunch /dinner.

BonnyandPoppy · 02/09/2021 14:53

I would meet her on the Saturday and book the hotel with the pool then on Sunday you can have an early breakfast and a swim with DS before checkout and then head home.

MimiDaisy11 · 02/09/2021 14:53

If you can’t face a two hour drive at the end of the day then just book the cheaper hotel. It sounds nicer anyway. Breakfast shouldn’t be that much of a hassle. You’ve got all day Saturday together. You’re not compatible with breakfasting so just cancel and have as relaxing a morning as you can with a toddler.

EmbarrassingMama · 02/09/2021 14:53

I can't imagine many hotels will be serving breakfast at 10:30?!

SciFiScream · 02/09/2021 14:54

Mountain & molehill!

Spend Saturday with your friend
Stay in the hotel you prefer
Have breakfast at the time you prefer

Go to hotel near friend at their preferred time for a coffee/croissant, chat and to say goodbye.

(If your friend goes there for breakfast often you can obviously drop in)

Go home when you feel like it.

I'm guessing that Friend probably wouldn't choose to go to safari park normally so that's maybe her concession to you? And why she is being obstreperous about breakfast on Sunday.

Travis1 · 02/09/2021 14:54

You’re driving 2 hours but 30 minutes is to far for them? Nah I don’t know how you’ve been so accommodating so far. Id tell her not to bother

ChargingBuck · 02/09/2021 14:55

So she's already told you that your friendship is as valuable as one morning's lie-in.

Arrrgh. ISN'T as valuable, obviously.

Pedalpushers · 02/09/2021 14:55

You are both being a bit unreasonable.

It does get really tiring, as someone without kids, to always have to accommodate other people's children in order to see them. Not your fault, but it is really frustrating and can spoil things for others. It sounds like the whole safari trip in the first place is mainly for your toddler and you suggested they tag on in order to see you when it probably wouldn't have been their choice of activity. It sounds like she's focused on this breakfast as a more 'adult' activity and is now annoyed that it is also revolving around the child.

8am IS too early to meet for breakfast, but she is ridiculous not being willing to travel 30 minutes and her text to you was arsey and dumb. She should be willing to compromise too and find somewhere in the middle that works.

Travis1 · 02/09/2021 14:56

@SciFiScream but friend invited herself to the safari park? She wasn’t actually included in the plans to begin with.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 02/09/2021 14:56

@TiredButDancing

I don't really understand - you're travelling that far, paying for a hotel all just for breakfast? Why not meet her for post-breakfast activity - walk/national trust/whatever then all have lunch together and then you and DH and DS head home?

This. If it's only two hours away, go in the morning, stay for lunch and a walk, and drive back afterwards.

I'm not a fan of loads of driving, but even I would be happy with 4 hours in a day with a big break in the middle, and I also assume it's quite soon, so still plenty of daylight?

Save yourself the hotel bill!

If you've already booked and it's not refundable, then meet the day before late afternoon (afternoon tea - obviously not posh afternoon tea with a toddler just tea and cake) and then leave the following morning when you are ready.

Pedalpushers · 02/09/2021 14:57

@Travis1

You’re driving 2 hours but 30 minutes is to far for them? Nah I don’t know how you’ve been so accommodating so far. Id tell her not to bother

OP has said they were going anyway - not specifically to see this friend, but suggested they join them.

ifonly4 · 02/09/2021 14:57

I'd say have your breakfast as planned, and suggest meeting for coffee and cake at 10.30am.

Shamoo · 02/09/2021 14:58

Agree with others that this is a mountain out of a mole hill. You arent unreasonable for saying 1030 is too late for breakfast, but she’s not unreasonable to not want to meet at 8am.

Cancel the breakfast, stay in the hotel you want to. Then either meet around 10 for a coffee or go home after breakfast. Or drive home on the Saturday. There is nothing wrong with any of these options. And there doesn’t need to be any drama.

pinkgin85 · 02/09/2021 14:59

I have a 20 month old and I wouldn't be able to meet anyone for 8am 10am would be perfect!

I wouldn't force anyone to wake up that early, especially if they eork during the week and the weekend is their only time for a lie in.

But it's a one off so it's difficult to say whose being more difficult.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 02/09/2021 14:59

Oh I'd missed the safari park plan.

Well to be fair, if I were child-free, that would be my idea of hell. Even with kids it would be my idea of hell. She probably needs a lie-in after that!

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 14:59

I would be upset by her attitude but another idea is to have your family breakfast at 8am, pack up and meet her for a coffee at 10.30am while she eats breakfast.
I have twins - I do understand how toddlers can be tricky but you are completely revolving your life around your son's time tables. Its very common for adults to feed children earlier and then meet adults later for a meal and give the kids a snack or dessert while the adults are eating. Your child - you get to decide how you want to live your life but you are in the minority not being more flexible with expecting everyone to eat when your child eats rather than feeding him earlier (I am not just referencing this breakfast but also your comments about the family dinner at 7pm).

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/09/2021 14:59

I'd cancel the entire trip, tbh. You're driving for two hours, and she wants you to use the hotel beside her house so she doesn't have to travel at all?!
I'm definitely getting vibes that she's not particularly looking forward to any of it.

MzHz · 02/09/2021 15:00

[quote Dandy008]@TakeYourFinalPosition

I don’t think 10:30 is an unusual time to meet a friend for breakfast, it’s the standard time my friends meet for breakfast, kids or no kids.

I’d probably do the same thing at home.
I could give DS his breakfast then we’d head out and he’d have a snack / toast when we go out.

It’s the issue of us not being at home. If DS has breakfast at his usual time, we’ve then got to take him back up to a hotel room and entertain him for a few hours until our friends come at 10.30.

The hotel shes suggested isn’t close to a park and unless we just go for a walk along the main road (which DS hates being in his pram most of the time) then there’s nothing to do.

Funnily enough, the cheaper hotel actually has a gym with a pool, so if we stayed there we could take DS swimming until our friends arrive.

That hotel is 30 minutes away from them which she’s said is too far for them.[/quote]
Stay in the cheaper hotel, have a breakfast with your ds and take him swimming then get her to book/suggest somewhere near her for brunch

SarahBop · 02/09/2021 15:04

Personally, I think you're being too rigid.

Take your toddler a breakfast to give him in the room at 8am...cereal with long life milk, breakfast bars fruit etc..then meet for a nice brekkie at 10am.
I think expecting anyone to 'meet' for a meal at 8am is a bit ridiculous..and I am a mum or early risers.

CheltenhamLady · 02/09/2021 15:04

For context, I have 4 children.

I suspect the friend feels that maybe you wouldn't be in her vicinity unless you were going somewhere to entertain your child, so she has said they will come with you so that you can meet up.

Would you be travelling to see them if that was not the case?
Would you go childfree?

If not, then the friend has already made a compromise by doing something she probably wouldn't choose to do.

If you want to have breakfast with your friend ( and I assume she knows what time the hotel serve until at weekends as she lives close by) then feed your child early and go back down to have your own breakfast with her.

Children are quite adaptable and if you have more each child will not fit in with what the others want/need so you will have to learn to juggle everybody's needs.

AffableApple · 02/09/2021 15:04

Your schedules are incompatible for what you both want. Book the cheaper hotel. Eat the inclusive breakfast. Book your friends in for a coffee or an early lunch,/brunch, or tea and cake - at a convenient time for when you check out. They can eat breakfast at that time should they wish. Neither of you are in the wrong, but you're doing all the running/the footing the bill for the biggest expense to make this happen. Also make sure you book so the hotel is cancellable as i can see this going that way...

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 15:06

8am is an ordinary breakfast time for most people, surely?

Not on a Sunday.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 39 40