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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2021 14:33

@Potpourri23

You might find this problem solves itself.... if she and her husband can't understand why you won't put their needs ahead of a toddler's, I think by the end of a day at a safari park you'll all have had more than enough of each other!
I also thought this.
ssd · 02/09/2021 14:33

So youre travelling miles to see her with a toddler and she wont go 30 minutes with her hubby?
I really wouldn't bother

chesirecat99 · 02/09/2021 14:34

@Dandy008

*You wouldn't suggest going out to dinner in a restaurant with friends at 5pm, would you? You need to be flexible if you want an adult social life, you can't make everything revolve around your DC.*

Yes, I would. If I was meeting someone and it involved DC I would try and work it around his regular meal times (or as close as)

If I wanted it to be an adult thing, I would arrange to go without DS.
Either leave him with DH or we’d get a sitter so we could go out together.

Our sister in law has a birthday meal for her one year old at 7pm a few months ago.

I’d said i wasn’t going to go but several family members moaned and so we went.

DS was miserable and cried most of the time as he was tired and ready for bed!

This is an "adult thing" though.

You can't expect childless adults to get up at 6.30am on a Sunday to meet you for breakfast at 7am to fit around your toddler Hmm

Comparatively, it's hardly inconvenient to feed your DS separately. It's a pretty obvious solution you could have easily thought of.

I think you may look back on this as a PFB moment...

AbandonedCharacter · 02/09/2021 14:35

I would say we were going home on the Saturday night but treat ourselves to the hotel with the pool, heading off whenever it suited!

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/09/2021 14:35

*She said she would offer for us to stay over at hers but doesn’t want to get up early / be disturbed by DS.

He does wake early to be fair.*

It's one night/morning out of her whole life! I think not offering to out you all up or AT LEAST offering to make breakfast the next morning so you could all see each other and be more relaxed (toddler + high chair for any amount of time is not relaxing for adults) shows that your friendship really isn't that important to her.

I would never expect friends coming to see me to stay in a hotel and even if I couldn't put them up, I would be offering breakfast/lunch the next day.

All of this puts you out massively and her not at all!

Cantsayusername · 02/09/2021 14:36

@MerryHellbreakingloose

Book the cheaper hotel with the pool.

Go for breakfast as a family when it suits you/your son.

Offer to meet her and her husband at a coffee shop for brunch/a cake/whatever. Go in the pool until it's meet up time.

If she doesn't like this idea, don't meet her on the Sunday.

She's honestly being ridiculous.

This ^^

You're spending all day Saturday with friends. Hey ho.

Go for the hotel you want, stop offering your friend choices over your life and your toddlers routines! She doesn't have DCs so won't understand that they get up with crack of dawn and have to be fed. A late breakfast isn't an option. She doesn't want to get up nor go travel half hour when you have travelled so far already. Sod that for a game of soldiers

I'd have the breakfast snd leisurely drive home on the Sunday and stop this faffing around with a friend that can't be bothered to get up early just once and expects your child to wait! And for you to hang around having two breakfast to suit her?

Enjoy the pool and the other hotel and your weekend away- maybe stop off somewhere for lunch with little one. She can either meet you there at 12 or not for lunch... or just go home.

stairgates · 02/09/2021 14:36

I would skip the breakfast meet and stay at the cheaper hotel l, have breakfast by yourselves and head home when you are ready.

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/09/2021 14:36

So I would be saying we'd spend saturday with them then do out won thing sunday morning before heading off and stay in the more suitable hotel. Or just forget the whole thing.

bigbaggyeyes · 02/09/2021 14:36

So you're having to travel to her, and book a hotel, and a more expensive one so she doesn't have to travel for her breakfast. Now she's expecting you to put on hold a toddlers breakfast (yeah righto), miss out on a free breakfast and pay for another breakfast so SHE doesn't have to get out of bed early.

Seems a little one sided tbh.

Yes you could have breakfast, take the toddler for a walk and meet her for a cuppa before you leave. But I'd be more than a bit miffed

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/09/2021 14:37

*our own thing

lemon12 · 02/09/2021 14:38

I honestly dont think she is a friend worth having.
What are they going to be like on your day out if you child gets tired etc.

wizzywig · 02/09/2021 14:38

Just get your husband to do the 8am breakfast with your son. You have a lie in and meet for breakfast later

starfishmummy · 02/09/2021 14:39

I wouldn't even stay over. With an 18 month old it's not as if your day out is going to continue far into the evening. I'd do the safari park, have a nice meal and head home with toddler asleep in the car.

Tonkerbea · 02/09/2021 14:39

Your 'friend' wants it all her own way. Sounds like she'll be on the same wavelength of a typical toddler...

supersop60 · 02/09/2021 14:39

@ssd

What i mean is, with a pal I'd sort this out ourselves, not on mn
Don't do that. OP has asked for help - to say you wouldn't discuss it on MN is not helpful.

OP - have the breakfast at the time that suits you. Meet your friend for coffee later. She doesn't have a clue about children and how hangry they can get.

MagnoliaBeige · 02/09/2021 14:40

I’d ditch the breakfast idea and just see them on the Saturday and book the hotel that suits you. Seems a lot of hassle just to eat a meal with someone that you’ve already spent the whole day before with.

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 14:41

She's being awful saying that and I would rethink my friendship with her. However, before I got to this point if it was me I would have fed the toddler early and met at 10.30am without mentioning my child eats earlier. People with small children do seem to think that people should eat based on what small children need. But small children need so little it would be easy to feed them in your hotel room.
However, the bigger issue for me is you wanting to travel earlier - I just would have said we are leaving early - happy to meet you for breakfast at 8am (not mention toddler as I think that's irrelevant) and if you can make it great but if not we will say our goodbyes the night before.
You texting about the hotel was passive aggressive and she responded aggressively back. Things aren't looking good for your day out unfortunately. Besides, you have the toddler I am surprised they are making you travel to them rather than the other way around.

Bollindger · 02/09/2021 14:42

I'd be doing the earliest Breakfast, back too your room and pack up, then meet her if you must somewhere else for coffee and brunch, as I am sure your son would be willing to eat again at about 11, as Hotel Breakfast are usually done by about 10.30.

TiredButDancing · 02/09/2021 14:43

I hadn't appreciated the meet up activity is the day before. Personally, I'd put DS in the car to snooze and drive home after the safari park and skip the breakfast thing completely.

However, if you feel you can't do that, I'd be inclined to say organise your sunday in whatever way works best for you and then leave her to sort herself out. if she can't or won't get up early, fine, enjoy your day together on Saturday and get on with your preferred things on Sunday.

AmelieLovesAutumn · 02/09/2021 14:44

Quite frankly I'd cancel the entire weekend. She's very self centred & demanding. I think the Saturday will be a nightmare too

Go elsewhere just you three

Fi1982 · 02/09/2021 14:46

Forget it! Do what you want, which is clearly to have a nice day with your friends on the Saturday, and then have fun at the swimming pool hotel with your family before heading home earlyish on the Sunday. Don’t tie yourself in knots trying to please your (slightly selfish sounding!) friend, you won’t enjoy it and you’ll probably end up resenting the whole weekend. The plan you prefer is perfectly reasonable and hurts no one.

‘Ah well that’s a shame friend, but really we want to be on the road by about 10am on Sunday, so we’ll just have a good time together on Saturday, can’t wait to see you xx’

RoseWineandCake · 02/09/2021 14:46

@AbandonedCharacter

I would say we were going home on the Saturday night but treat ourselves to the hotel with the pool, heading off whenever it suited!
Totally agree with this!
ChargingBuck · 02/09/2021 14:47

She said she would offer for us to stay over at hers but doesn’t want to get up early / be disturbed by DS.

So she's already told you that your friendship is as valuable as one morning's lie-in. Now you know that, can you stop pandering to her, & just do whatever suits you best on Sunday?

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 14:48

@chesirecat99

This is an "adult thing" though.

You can't expect childless adults to get up at 6.30am on a Sunday to meet you for breakfast at 7am to fit around your toddler hmm

Comparatively, it's hardly inconvenient to feed your DS separately. It's a pretty obvious solution you could have easily thought of.

I think you may look back on this as a PFB moment...

No…. This isn’t an adult thing.

My friend doesn’t live far from the safari park (40 minutes)

I told her we had planned to take DS and she suggested her and her DH come and meet us for the day.

We haven’t seen them for over a year so thought it would be a nice opportunity to meet up and to see our DS, who they have only met once.

I’d told her I had been thinking of staying over ( which i’d thought about before she was even part of the plan)

She was the one who then suggested a hotel by her because she likes their breakfast and it would be close for them to come and join us for breakfast.

She was the one who then suggested they meet us at 10.30.

I don’t expect her at all to come and meet me for breakfast at 6.30am, I understand that’s too early.

But I’d already told them we were heading home early, we have a cat that we need to collect from the cattery so we don’t want to be home to late in the day.

Our check out is also 11am and it’s just too rushed and faffy to hang around to meet them at 10.30am.

It has absolutely nothing to do with PFB and more to do with trying to please a couple that have absolutely no consideration for us.

OP posts:
Outfoxedbyrabbits · 02/09/2021 14:49

Just cancel the Sunday breakfast. Then you can stay at the cheaper hotel too. You'll have the whole of Saturday with your friend and not have to rush off afterwards. Sunday morning you can get up, eat breakfast and get on the road as you want to do.