Page 33 | Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

Dandy008 · 2021-09-02T12:17:42+00:00

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me. We’ve arranged to have a day out. It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son. As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night. My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast. I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away. We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am. I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast. There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave. She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am. I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away. She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day. I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

rainbowstardrops · 04/09/2021 12:28

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I think your friend is a bit.
She's invited herself to the safari park then to dinner and now to breakfast but won't budge on location and timings because it doesn't suit her! That's pretty selfish in my book.

LoisLane66 · 04/09/2021 12:35

I've no idea why posters say they can't read JUST the OP's comments on an Android app and have to go through a browser.
Not true. I've only ever had Android mobiles and you CAN see all the OP's replies in one place.
It says 'see all' at the end of the first post. 🙄
It does get tedious when it's clear that some posters haven't followed the thread or skimmed through the OP's responses. Repetition +++

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

Kisskiss · 04/09/2021 12:39

Yanbu, does your friend think she’s The Queen? You’re driving to her bit of the country to meet her, staying at a more expensive hotel to suit her and she can’t even compromise and have breakfast early to suit your toddler???

Gwenhwyfar · 04/09/2021 12:46

@NeverForgetYourDreams

Breakfast at 10.30?? What world is this where people don't have breakfast til that time. That's almost brunch time

Sack it off OP and have your normal time breakfast and drive home

Normal time for breakfast on the weekend.

LoisLane66 · 04/09/2021 12:50

D'ye know what, all this blether for what should be a straightforward and firm 'No, sorry, that doesn't work for me. We'll skip breakfast together and stay at the hotel with pool as it suits our timetable better that way'.
Be immovable.
I'm a firm believer in being clear and polite, no shilly-shally or ping-pong about times places.
If they don't like, hard luck.

Clymene · 04/09/2021 12:54

@LoisLane66

D'ye know what, all this blether for what should be a straightforward and firm 'No, sorry, that doesn't work for me. We'll skip breakfast together and stay at the hotel with pool as it suits our timetable better that way'. Be immovable. I'm a firm believer in being clear and polite, no shilly-shally or ping-pong about times places. If they don't like, hard luck.

Given you haven't bothered to read all the OP's posts because that is exactly what she's done, it's a bit rich complaining about all the blether

Toodlepip100 · 04/09/2021 13:04

she is obviously oblivious to how a child changes your life ,excuse her ignorance -it will be her one day & she will realise how ridiculous she sounds! ditch breakfast & just enjoy your time with her the day before as planned.

Caoilinsmum1 · 04/09/2021 13:53

If she was really your friend, she wouldn’t expect you to make your child wait until her and her husband are ready. Also why can’t they either come to you or meet you half way why are you the ones to travel? She sounds rude and entitled, I just wouldn’t go if that was my “friend”

ohthatbloodycat · 04/09/2021 14:34

It's absolute madness to suggest that your friends should meet you for an 8am breakfast, to accommodate your baby. And I say this as a mother of three. My babies fitted into our plans perfectly well, not the other way around
Why can't your child have some snacks/a second breakfast on his high chair, while the grown-ups eat?

Soubriquet · 04/09/2021 14:49

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
Good for you

Your friend sounds difficult and precious not you.

All the posters saying your unreasonable haven’t read your posts properly

Enjoy your day

afrikat · 04/09/2021 14:54

LoisLane66 I am on android and don't have the 'see all' option- there is no way for me to see all OPs posts in any of the chats. It's very annoying. I do, however, take the time to skim through the chat before responding. Unlike most people on here!

HyggeTygge · 04/09/2021 15:09

Why can't your child have some snacks/a second breakfast on his high chair, while the grown-ups eat?

Oh my god! Finally, someone's come up with the easy solution! Well done, can't believe it took 800 posts for someone to think of this genius idea. Excellent contribution!!

midsomermurderess · 04/09/2021 15:18

HyggeTygge, has someone told the op the puzzle has finally been cracked, discovered the holy grail of breakfast? She must be informed! Oh, wait, who cares about her, and that she resolved this, let's see, oh yes, yesterday!

JustLyra · 04/09/2021 15:45

I’m highly amused at the number of posters suggesting giving the DC a second breakfast.

Usually on here giving your child snacks or “sugary fruit” at any point other than starvation is condemning them to a life of obesity.

HyggeTygge · 04/09/2021 15:55

Also on mn, a once- in-a- lifetime wedding is "an invitation not a summons" yet the suggestion of having breakfast with someone you've spent the previous day with necessitates booking inconvenient hotels and putting up with hours of a bored toddler and getting home undesirably late for your commitments at home...

MiddlesexGirl · 04/09/2021 16:10

This has been such an amusing thread.
Glad the OP got it sorted a few pages back and ignored everyone with reading comprehension issues.

Just adding that I'm an Android user. Have never had the app and find the site easy to navigate using my usual browser. Easy to filter OP's posts. However, what gets me is that it was pretty much all laid out in the opening post.

rslsys · 04/09/2021 16:18

Wonder what the MN record is for posters declaring they haven't read the full thread? (But are putting forward their solution anyway)
Reckon this thread must be in the running!

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 17:14

I what detailed this thread is that instead of just saying in the OP that she didn't want to meet for breakfast and that she had to be back early for the cat, she gave excuses that had simple solutions and drip fed the 'real' reason later.

SazCat · 04/09/2021 18:22

@LoisLane66

I've no idea why posters say they can't read JUST the OP's comments on an Android app and have to go through a browser. Not true. I've only ever had Android mobiles and you CAN see all the OP's replies in one place. It says 'see all' at the end of the first post. 🙄 It does get tedious when it's clear that some posters haven't followed the thread or skimmed through the OP's responses. Repetition +++

I can't see anywhere on my app (android) to just show the OPs posts. My app doesn't look like the image you've posted!

NumberTheory · 04/09/2021 18:33

@liveforsummer

I what detailed this thread is that instead of just saying in the OP that she didn't want to meet for breakfast and that she had to be back early for the cat, she gave excuses that had simple solutions and drip fed the 'real' reason later.

What detailed the thread was people assuming the OP didn’t have the same right to a preference for a breakfast time that they thought her friend had. And didn’t think she had a right to set boundaries on what she was prepared to put up with while killing time to see her friend.

The “real” reason was right there in the first post - she wanted to leave after an early breakfast. She was happy to compromise a bit (by more than the friend) but there wasn’t an overlap. That’s no more reasonable or unreasonable than her friend wanting a late breakfast. It didn’t make her more “difficult” than her friend. The cat wasn’t a drip feed, the reason for her wanting to leave early isn’t relevant to whether she’s being reasonable to be annoyed at her inflexible friend calling her “difficult”.

Wheresmrpenguin · 04/09/2021 19:01

As someone with an 18 month old, this has been the most frustrating thread to read.

OP your friend is being unreasonable and thats it. Book the cheaper hotel with the pool and enjoy it without breakfast with your friend the next day.

Rozziie · 04/09/2021 19:33

@NumberTheory I've explained time and time again that to someone who is keen to meet up, the reason OP initially gave her friend for 10.30am being too late did indeed make her sound difficult. This is a 'problem' that's ridiculously easy to solve for someone who actually WANTS to see their friend, so from the friend's perspective, her insisting that she can't possibly wait around that long so they'd have to have breakfast at 8am does seem a bit difficult.

But of course OP isn't actually interested in seeing the friend's point of view. She's already decided the friend is selfish and unreasonable and wants to enjoy the echo chamber in here of people telling her she's right.

Look at the way OP talks about the friend - full of scorn, as if the friend just randomly invited herself along to their family day out. I'm sure the poor woman was under the impression that OP and her family were mainly there to visit HER, so of course she would want to spend time with them. This is where the root misunderstanding comes from...in OP's eyes, they're going to a safari park and meeting this friend while they're in the area. In the friend's eyes, they're visiting her and doing stuff together to spend time together, so of course she's confused that they want to rush off early.

OP's friend definitely doesn't come off brilliantly in this but neither does the OP. She doesn't seem to realise that sometimes maintaining a friendship is more important than being 'right'. And then she'll be on here whingeing about how her childless friends have all faded away. Jeez, wonder why?

Feedingthebirds1 · 04/09/2021 19:49

I'm sure the poor woman was under the impression that OP and her family were mainly there to visit HER

This is where the root misunderstanding comes from...in OP's eyes, they're going to a safari park and meeting this friend while they're in the area. In the friend's eyes, they're visiting her and doing stuff together to spend time together, so of course she's confused that they want to rush off early.

Facepalm!!!

The OP had booked for her family to go to the safari park. She mentioned the trip to the friend, who DID invite herself and her DH along. The OP was NOT going to see the friend and fitting in a trip to the safari park while they were there. The friend has also insisted on being with them for dinner on Saturday. So if the friend thought the visit was principally to see her, she's very hard of understanding.

The same friend told OP to stay in a dearer, less nice hotel than the one she's planned, because it was nearer to the friend. It's too far for the friend to travel to the better hotel apparently (a 30 minute drive), but not for the OP to do the same. And the breakfast was the friend's idea, the OP was planning to leave the hotel immediately after breakfast.

If you really believe that the OP has decided that the friend is unreasonable and selfish, how on earth would you describe the friend's behaviour?

BrendaBubbles · 04/09/2021 19:50

If it’s only two hours to get there just leave at 8 and you’ll be there at ten. No need to get a hotel for a day trip a hundred miles away if that..

JustLyra · 04/09/2021 19:54

[quote Rozziie]@NumberTheory I've explained time and time again that to someone who is keen to meet up, the reason OP initially gave her friend for 10.30am being too late did indeed make her sound difficult. This is a 'problem' that's ridiculously easy to solve for someone who actually WANTS to see their friend, so from the friend's perspective, her insisting that she can't possibly wait around that long so they'd have to have breakfast at 8am does seem a bit difficult.

But of course OP isn't actually interested in seeing the friend's point of view. She's already decided the friend is selfish and unreasonable and wants to enjoy the echo chamber in here of people telling her she's right.

Look at the way OP talks about the friend - full of scorn, as if the friend just randomly invited herself along to their family day out. I'm sure the poor woman was under the impression that OP and her family were mainly there to visit HER, so of course she would want to spend time with them. This is where the root misunderstanding comes from...in OP's eyes, they're going to a safari park and meeting this friend while they're in the area. In the friend's eyes, they're visiting her and doing stuff together to spend time together, so of course she's confused that they want to rush off early.

OP's friend definitely doesn't come off brilliantly in this but neither does the OP. She doesn't seem to realise that sometimes maintaining a friendship is more important than being 'right'. And then she'll be on here whingeing about how her childless friends have all faded away. Jeez, wonder why?[/quote]
Erm, the friend did randomly invite herself on the OP’s trip to the safari park…

The friend invited herself along. Wanted the OP to stay in a hotel with no facilities because it was closer to her, and wasn’t prepared to either have an early breakfast or travel 30 mins to the hotel where the OP would have facilities to use while waiting to see her.

The root misunderstanding is that the friend thinks the OP should make all the effort despite the fact it’s not specifically a trip to visit her…