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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
MissyMooKins · 04/09/2021 09:10

Yabu.

telvg · 04/09/2021 09:10

I’ve just read some of the other posts and actually think just to forget breakfast with your friend. Invite her up to your house next time.

Jigsawtrain · 04/09/2021 09:10

Haven’t RTFT but read all of OP’s posts. I’d have just gone for the days 2 hours isn’t too far for a day trip

MissyMooKins · 04/09/2021 09:19

2 hours isn't far it doesn't warrant staying over.

sera103 · 04/09/2021 09:25

Could you not feed your son at the hotel as per your wish and go over her house for your breakfast?

Deedee248 · 04/09/2021 09:29

Any response to your message to your friend, OP?

londonrach · 04/09/2021 09:31

Feed D's at normal time...you have breakfast with her at 10

terfypants · 04/09/2021 09:37

Did it not occur to you to mention that you'd be needing to eat at the creak of dawn, and wanted to head home early when she suggested breakfast? I would have thought it was pretty obvious she was imagining something a bit more leisurely. On that basis, I'd say YABU.

HyggeTygge · 04/09/2021 09:40

@terfypants

Did it not occur to you to mention that you'd be needing to eat at the creak of dawn, and wanted to head home early when she suggested breakfast? I would have thought it was pretty obvious she was imagining something a bit more leisurely. On that basis, I'd say YABU.
It's literally in the op, that she replied with this when the friend suggested inviting themselves to a late breakfast. Do keep up.
Bostonbullsmumma · 04/09/2021 09:46

The thought of waiting in a hotel room for a few hours having to tell DC to be quiet when they start getting bored is not a nice morning! I think people are missing the point- who would want to do this just for breakfast especially when OP could be at the other hotel having a nice swim instead and setting off at the time she wants to get back for her cat!

prsphne · 04/09/2021 09:51

Not sure why you’re getting such a hard time OP! I don’t think either of you are unreasonable though. I’m child free and would not want to meet for a 8am weekend breakfast, but would entirely understand if my parent friends were eating at this time. Your Sunday morning lives are just not compatible so enjoy the Saturday and give the Sunday a miss (which I think is your plan now anyway!)

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 09:59

@Bostonbullsmumma

The thought of waiting in a hotel room for a few hours having to tell DC to be quiet when they start getting bored is not a nice morning! I think people are missing the point- who would want to do this just for breakfast especially when OP could be at the other hotel having a nice swim instead and setting off at the time she wants to get back for her cat!
That's not the only option though. Of course that would be crap but they are travelling by car so could go to soft play, a park, a duck pond etc. I know that's not what's happening but the rigid thinking made an otherwise reasonable OP seem less so. Like they had to exaggerate to get the support which never goes down well. Does make me wonder if they were indeed coming across a little difficult.
afinethingindeed · 04/09/2021 10:00

I haven't RTFT but I can't understand some of the comments towards you OP. It's clear from your OP and later comments that you've tried to compromise. Your friend invited herself to your day out, has told you which hotel you should stay at and is now trying to tell you when to eat breakfast. YANBU. I would personally not meet them for breakfast. Stay in the cheaper hotel, enjoy the pool and have breakfast when you want it. If she CBA to get up early for one day - that's on her!

shesellsseacats · 04/09/2021 10:18

I think what it is, is before DC me and my husband were very laid back when it came to plans with this friend and her husband. They made all of the plans and we would go along with it.
We didn’t really moan or try to change anything.

I feel like now that I’m trying to take the lead a little, she doesn’t like it.

I had similar with a old, close friend. We ended up living miles from each other, and she came to see us when my DS was a young toddler. She came to visit, but to the city near me - she wouldn't travel the extra half hour to where I was staying, nor agree to meet anywhere child friendly, instead she spent the day sightseeing in the city with her husband (they went to the aquarium) and insisted on meeting me in a restaurant. It was so totally unsuitable for DS, he was a runner and had no concept of sitting still in a restaurant. It was nearly impossible to have a conversation as my attention was on trying to prevent DS disrupting the other diners. And then I had to get him home as it got late. It felt like a waste of time all-round.

I felt she wanted to feel I was making an effort too and engineered that in, rather than listening to me about what DS's needs were. It would have made a lot more sense for us to go to the aquarium together and for her and her DH to go to the restaurant without us. But there was something about the dynamic that she clearly didn't like me having needs, it was a shift in the relationship she wasn't ready for.

CatsnCoffee · 04/09/2021 10:56

If you’re up for breakfast at 8 anyway, why not drive there after breakfast and 2 hours later arrive by 11? You could spend 6 hours there, leave about 5 and be home about 7 in time for dc’s bedtime. Save on hotel price and avoid breakfast problem.

HyggeTygge · 04/09/2021 11:00

But she doesn't want to do this, and there isn't a breakfast problem.

Anotherdayy · 04/09/2021 11:16

Say you'll meet her for coffee at 10.30 both have breakfast at a time that suits before you meet? I do think given you have travelled to her, paid for a room etc she should be a little more flexible to your family needs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2021 11:38

Christ it’s like Groundhog Day on this thread!

midsomermurderess · 04/09/2021 11:45

'Groundhog day indeed. So many people have simply no interest in the op and what they have decided to do. It's 'I must have my* say', even if it's almost word for word what every second poster has already said, or it's that weird MN thing of treating everything like a puzzle to be solved, or as if it's homework for a counselling course.
The site's becoming increasing unbearable. No meaningful interaction, just 'I think'.

rookiemere · 04/09/2021 11:57

It's so bizarre @midsomermurderess , particularly now that the funnel exists to at least see OPs comments on most devices. Someone earlier was accused of being the thread police when they pulled up a poster for a now non relevant response.
It stops any real movement in the thread and I just can't get the mindset of people typing many paragraphs on a long running thread without at least trying to skim read it.

Clymene · 04/09/2021 11:58

@midsomermurderess

'Groundhog day indeed. So many people have simply no interest in the op and what they have decided to do. It's 'I must have my* say', even if it's almost word for word what every second poster has already said, or it's that weird MN thing of treating everything like a puzzle to be solved, or as if it's homework for a counselling course. The site's becoming increasing unbearable. No meaningful interaction, just 'I think'.
It's bizarre behaviour. It's such a total waste of time and energy to only bother to read the first post by the OP and then type a response.

I find totally baffling.

Clymene · 04/09/2021 11:58

Ha - x-posted @rookiemere Grin

Concestor · 04/09/2021 12:04

@rookiemere

It's so bizarre *@midsomermurderess* , particularly now that the funnel exists to at least see OPs comments on most devices. Someone earlier was accused of being the thread police when they pulled up a poster for a now non relevant response. It stops any real movement in the thread and I just can't get the mindset of people typing many paragraphs on a long running thread without at least trying to skim read it.
Not on Android on the app. Mumsnet doesn't seem to care though, we've been asking for ages for them to sort it out. I use it through a browser instead so I can do it, and have pages.
midsomermurderess · 04/09/2021 12:11

The filter does work on my android phone, fwiw. I think it is more than that, though. It is a fundamental lack of interest and engagement in the discussion. It is 'me, listen to me, I must speak'. Increasingly threads in no way resemble discussion or conversations, just shouting into the void.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 04/09/2021 12:17

Breakfast at 10.30?? What world is this where people don't have breakfast til that time. That's almost brunch time

Sack it off OP and have your normal time breakfast and drive home