Page 31 | Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

Dandy008 · 2021-09-02T12:17:42+00:00

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me. We’ve arranged to have a day out. It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son. As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night. My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast. I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away. We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am. I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast. There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave. She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am. I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away. She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day. I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

pecanmix · 03/09/2021 23:52

Has anyone suggested giving the child porridge and a banana in the hotel room for breakfast then meeting their friends for leisurely brunch at 10:30?

PrincessFiorimonde · 03/09/2021 23:59

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
This seems like the best solution to me.

Hope you enjoy the safari park, the Saturday night dinner - and of course a stress-free Sunday morning breakfast and swim in the hotel pool!

Darbysmama · 04/09/2021 00:09

Personally, I would have just given DS a small breakfast or a snack and met for brunch at 10:30. By the time you get settled, order, and get your meals it will be like 11:00. Basically lunch time anyway. But that’s just me.

Regardless that’s not how you responded. Everything after that makes her sound like a… insert not so nice word here. My opinion is that if someone is traveling a long way as well as paying money out of pocket to come visit with you, then it’s only fair that you make some concessions to make their trip as pleasant as possible. If I’d been the friend in this scenario, I would have either accepted the earlier breakfast option or suggested meeting up afterwards for something else. Not force you to change your routine or alter your plans. Definitely never text someone’s spouse like “oh you need to talk some sense into your wife.” That doesn’t sit well with me at all.

Like I said, I probably would have reacted differently, but I find her behavior really rude and entitled and unappreciative of you traveling and spending money to visit. This would be a friend I wouldn’t mind dropping from my life.

WindyScales · 04/09/2021 00:19

@midsomermurderess and @HyggeTygge

Thanks for the reminder of why I don’t usually bother to post on mumsnet.

It’s great you’re doing such a good job at making it such a welcoming place. We’ll done you 👍 (smart arses)

Teawaster · 04/09/2021 00:26

How many times does the OP have to say that she doesn't expect her friend to come for breakfast at 8am ? The responses here are completely ridiculous.

mishroom · 04/09/2021 00:32

I've not read all the messages. Give your son a snackie breakfast in hotel (cereal bar, apple, banana, malt loaf). Meet your friend at 10:30 for adult brunch and your son's mid morning snack. Easy!

HyggeTygge · 04/09/2021 00:33

windy you're objecting to me telling ppl to rtft, who are constantly repeating the same utterly pointless and unhelpful posts?

There aren't many forums where this would be accepted as a positive thing.

greenlynx · 04/09/2021 00:37

OP I’m amazed by your patience. I wonder if some people’ve read your post at all before commenting.
I would suggest skipping breakfast. Tbh your friend sounds difficult and toddler-unfriendly. She probably would have issues with your routine on Saturday as well and by the end of the day she would consider cancelling as her lucky escape.

TimeForTeaAndG · 04/09/2021 00:39

@mishroom

I've not read all the messages. Give your son a snackie breakfast in hotel (cereal bar, apple, banana, malt loaf). Meet your friend at 10:30 for adult brunch and your son's mid morning snack. Easy!

You better be taking the piss...

LimeRedBanana · 04/09/2021 02:12

@mishroom

I've not read all the messages. Give your son a snackie breakfast in hotel (cereal bar, apple, banana, malt loaf). Meet your friend at 10:30 for adult brunch and your son's mid morning snack. Easy!

You’re funny.

Marchitectmummy · 04/09/2021 05:02

I can't see why this is so complicated! You est breakfast St 7am or whatever time you fancy. You book out once you are ready and meet your friend at the time that suits, sounds like you have a compromise of 10am. When you meet your friend you just have a drink or alternatively make it closer to your lunchtime of 1130, then go home.

Surely the only conversation with your friend is "we will be starving by x time so we will eat at y and come and meet us at z we will have a coffee with you while you scoff your face'.

Done. Any complications beyond that are unnecessary, or about a deeper rooted issue in your friendship.

NumberTheory · 04/09/2021 05:25

@Marchitectmummy

I can't see why this is so complicated! You est breakfast St 7am or whatever time you fancy. You book out once you are ready and meet your friend at the time that suits, sounds like you have a compromise of 10am. When you meet your friend you just have a drink or alternatively make it closer to your lunchtime of 1130, then go home.

Surely the only conversation with your friend is "we will be starving by x time so we will eat at y and come and meet us at z we will have a coffee with you while you scoff your face'.

Done. Any complications beyond that are unnecessary, or about a deeper rooted issue in your friendship.

OR the complications could actually be to do with the things the OP said in her first post were the issue:

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

Nothing to do with wanting the friend to eat when the toddler does and everything to do with not wanting to hang around in a hotel for 4+ hours with nothing to do and then be later home than they need to be.

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 06:44

Nothing to do with wanting the friend to eat when the toddler does and everything to do with not wanting to hang around in a hotel for 4+ hours with nothing to do and then be later home than they need to be.

Sounds like the OP doesn't actually want to so fine, she should go home. However this wasn't entirely clear to begin with so people made suggestions. None of the problems are insurmountable. If there is nothing in walking distance then hop in the car and go to a park/ soft play/somewhere that has a nice walk for an hour or 2 after feeding toddler then back for 10 to meet friends for adult breakfast by which time I'm sure toddler will be ready for snacks/breakfast number 2. Hanging around in a hotel room for hours isn't the only solution to meeting friend should she actually have wanted to.

MrsHandles · 04/09/2021 06:45

But OP, have you cancelled the cheque?

NumberTheory · 04/09/2021 07:03

@liveforsummer

Nothing to do with wanting the friend to eat when the toddler does and everything to do with not wanting to hang around in a hotel for 4+ hours with nothing to do and then be later home than they need to be.

Sounds like the OP doesn't actually want to so fine, she should go home. However this wasn't entirely clear to begin with so people made suggestions. None of the problems are insurmountable. If there is nothing in walking distance then hop in the car and go to a park/ soft play/somewhere that has a nice walk for an hour or 2 after feeding toddler then back for 10 to meet friends for adult breakfast by which time I'm sure toddler will be ready for snacks/breakfast number 2. Hanging around in a hotel room for hours isn't the only solution to meeting friend should she actually have wanted to.

What on earth was unclear in the OP? She'd already happily decided to skip the breakfast because she knew it didn't work for her. She wasn't at all conflicted about that. Her AIBU was about whether she would be unreasonable to be sarcastic back to her friend who had called her "difficult" for her decision not to make her own life difficult to indulge her friend who wants to dictate the place and time regardless of the OP's needs.

It only became "unclear" because there's a class of MN poster who seems to live to pull any AIBU poster to pieces, no matter what the actual situation. Just find something to tell them they must do differently and make out that they are awful, even if it's utterly at odds with everything in the OP.

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 07:05

She said skipping breakfast was a suggestion. Not a set plan!

NumberTheory · 04/09/2021 07:19

@liveforsummer

She said skipping breakfast was a suggestion. Not a set plan!

But it wasn't something she was conflicted about. She was peeved at being called "difficult" when her friend was the one trying to dictate everything about the breakfast at the OP's expense.

The friend" ignored the issues OP actually had with her friend's plan - having nothing to do for 4+ hours and getting back too late - just as all the "give the toddler something early and go along anyway" brigade have, and pretended it was about prioritising the toddler and not other adults. Instead of acknowledging that the friend's "ideal" just makes the OP's morning kind of shit and doesn't fit with her plans for the rest of the day.

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 07:35

Most people agree friend was being unreasonable for wanting everything to suit her but OP's stance was based on the belief that hanging around in a hotel room for 4 hours was the only option to make that arrangement possible. PP's suggesting there are plenty alternatives to that. I can't be bothered to read back through but I don't remember a set time to be back being mentioned in the drip feed about the cat.

Idontknowanymore1 · 04/09/2021 08:11

If your day out is on the Saturday, I’d just say why don’t we skip meeting for breakfast Sunday as it’s abit of a pain and you’d like to get home. Book the hotel you wanted which is cheaper and just all enjoy the Saturday day out

browneyes77 · 04/09/2021 08:31

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
I think you’ve done the right thing.

I’m amazed at the responses you’ve gotten here OP.

Your friend has invited herself to your day out and extended your plans, by wanting to have a late breakfast with you.

She wanted you to book a more expensive hotel that was closer to her, just so she didn’t have to drive far for breakfast, wanted you to eat breakfast at her chosen location, at her chosen time and wouldn’t even attempt to compromise in any way, other than to push her chosen breakfast time forward by a poxy 30 minutes. Yet people think you’re the unreasonable one? Ok then 🙄

What she was proposing (or rather expecting), simply wasn’t going to work for you and instead of trying to compromise, she dug her heels in and expected you to go out of your way to suit her wants. And when you tried to suggest alternatives, she was downright rude.

If my friend had already made arrangements for their family and I asked if I could join them so I could see her, I would never expect her to re-arrange their plans to accommodate me and the things I like. I’d work around them.

sue20 · 04/09/2021 08:36

You are doing the travel and paying for a hotel to enable the meet up. With a toddler as well. She sounds like a right bossy boots. Just say your good byes the evening before and get on the road it’s only breakfast. You had your day out, you got the hard work side of it to enable it.
Next time choose a place between you. Or better still it’s her turn to come to you.

Iziz · 04/09/2021 08:36

This sounds too much effort wise for just breakfast and head home , she is being unreasonable but as she doesn’t have kids she might be completely ignorant to kids needs I think a lunch is a better plan , if you really want to go still maybe take some breakfast snacks he can munch on before breakfast with them , if it was me I would cancel the whole thing as it’s too much effort for a breakfast date .

Sosocold · 04/09/2021 08:53

Not read the full thread, but I personally would not book a hotel, and just travel back when done at safari park. You could get your son an evening meal or sandwich dinner, get him in his pjs etc if its getting late.
Even though your friend has suggested breakfast on Sunday she isn't being at all accommodating, so I don't see why you should go to a load of expense of a hotel room and bend over backwards for her.
Not being rude to those who don't have children, but they just don't understand the logistics involved.

telvg · 04/09/2021 09:03

I think you are being unreasonable. Just give your child breakfast bars at 7am, if there’s a pool at the hotel go for a swim, if not for a walk and then go back to the hotel for breakfast at 10am. I agree, 7am is far too early to be going back to meet for breakfast but it is the time you would eat at the hotel if you weren’t meeting a friend. I’ve been out with friends and family for dinner before who have each been upset that we aren’t eating at their child’s routine time, but each family had a different routine time. Or when we had a family bbq, for my birthday, it wasn’t early enough for one family’s kids, but was the right time for another. We always just give our kids snacks to keep them going so they can fit in with what’s best for everyone. I also try to teach my kids to think of others and be generous. However, if it is really important to you, just meet your friend the day before.

TheDevilWearsNada · 04/09/2021 09:05

A 2 hour drive is nothing!

If your friend wanted to see you that bad she’d nip over and see you for lunch and head home - no need for a hotel really