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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
OVienna · 03/09/2021 18:19

@Dandy008 I can't quote your post because of the way MN works - the one I want to comment on includes a quote you've made.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here, though, that your friend is in a bit of shock you can't/won't dance to her tune in terms of making plans anymore.

There is often an adjustment in this way, with childless friends after you have kids but also when your friends have kids at the same time it exposes different thresholds etc and there is a change too.

We were friends with a pair of devout Gina Ford-er's. Lucky for them we were more flexible. If we'd been inflexible in our own way, the friendship would have died.

Your friend is IBU and glad you booked the other hotel.

Hugoslavia · 03/09/2021 18:19

You'll be meeting up for the day before, therefore seeing them the next day isn't really necessary, particularly if it doesn't fit with either schedules. Just use the cheaper hotel, have a swim, breakfast then go home. As an aside, she's going to be massively disappointed with the Safari park if she ends up having to go around it at a toddler pace. My bet is that she will ditch you for much of it anyway.

calvados · 03/09/2021 18:21

Why arrange to meet for breakfast and then head home?!!! What a waste of a day. Get up when you like have breakfast when you like and meet up for lunch or tea and cake somewhere nice? Take in some sites or go for a nice walk. Honestly what a misery and it needn’t be so!!

OVienna · 03/09/2021 18:22

Entertaining a baby in a hotel for three hours - fucking nightmare. Booking the hotel with a pool for entertainment - dead obvious.

I wonder if your friends aren't planning kids at all though. If they are, as others have said, expect them to be very firm in their views when the time comes and to have total amnesia about how they treated you on this occasion.

OVienna · 03/09/2021 18:23

@calvados

Why arrange to meet for breakfast and then head home?!!! What a waste of a day. Get up when you like have breakfast when you like and meet up for lunch or tea and cake somewhere nice? Take in some sites or go for a nice walk. Honestly what a misery and it needn’t be so!!
She has to get home to her 18 yr old cat. I almost commented w/o reading the thread too. Too many pages now but there are some key details.
Frazzledstar1 · 03/09/2021 18:25

I would feed DS breakfast in the room and then have breakfast with the friend later, but explain to her that you get breakfast incl. with the room so would need to meet before the hotel finished serving breakfast (and check what time that is).

If you’re all spending the previous day together then I don’t really think breakfast the next day is that important, especially if it’s inconvenient

rookiemere · 03/09/2021 18:29

READ THE OPs UPDATES PLEASE

Mrschristmasqueen · 03/09/2021 18:32

For heaven's sake, it's as if people can't read and have focused solely on the 18 month old. The friend invited herself to their family day out, she then invited herself to their evening meal, she then requested they stay at a hotel convenient to her then expected the OP and her family to hang around for 4 hours to meet her for breakfast. SHE has made all these decisions whether the OP liked it or not.

OP, enjoy your day out with your family and friends. I'm glad you've booked the cheaper and more convenient hotel for yourselves. I once had a friend expect me to meet at 2.30pm for lunch. I asked if we could meet at 1.30pm as usually my then 1 year old would eat at 11.30-12pm but I could push him back to 1.30. She made a huge song and dance about it so we didn't meet that day. Fast forward 2 years, she refused to meet anyone at any time other than 11.30am for lunch as it was her son's meal time and she would not deviate from it or give him a snack at any time other than 9.30am and 2pm. And, for what it's worth, I wouldnt hang around in a hotel for that long with my 7 and 3 year old just to suit her so YANBU to not want to do it with an 18 month old.

SparklingLime · 03/09/2021 18:33

@Frazzledstar1

I would feed DS breakfast in the room and then have breakfast with the friend later, but explain to her that you get breakfast incl. with the room so would need to meet before the hotel finished serving breakfast (and check what time that is).

If you’re all spending the previous day together then I don’t really think breakfast the next day is that important, especially if it’s inconvenient

I would RTFT.
Mollymoostoo · 03/09/2021 18:35

You don't need to meet for breakfast if the day out is Saturday. Get breakfast at a time that suits you and if they want to meet somewhere later, just have a coffee with them.
I wouldn't even debate it, I would just turn up at 10.30 and state that I had already eaten and would just like a coffee.

HalzTangz · 03/09/2021 18:35

Why don't you have breakfast early, take your son for a walk, look round a few shops, meet your friend for lunch then head home

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 18:36

Calvados and Frazzledstar1

There's a reason PPs get annoyed when new posters to an existing thread don't bother to RTFT nor even try to read OPs original post nor her updates (click on funnel icon and select the top name in green, it will at least show you all OP updates)

And that is because .... you repeat things that were answered in the original post! And those answered fairly quickly DAYS and many many hours ago!

All has moved on.

OP was never able to meet up later in the Sunday for a third unnecessary meet up on same weekend and she said so in her original post. And after then elaborated, although the initial I can't do it was sufficient.

You can't be in two places at once nor time travel

Since a two hour drive to be back before 12.30 on Sunday (let alone hanging around with a bored toddler for 4 hours and eating "breakfast" twice!) is just not possible, nor reasonable to expect ... nor in any way within the laws of physics.

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 18:42

Oh we have HalzTangz and Mollymoostoo who also didn't bother to RTFT nor even OPs posts. Or even the original post. Or latest few posts...

I wonder how many other new posters will post irrelevant comments without having read the basics nor knowing what they are posting about!

It's like playing bingo... Grin
Surely no one else will?

SyIviescup · 03/09/2021 18:44

Jesus Christ - as usual the crazies start to gather and post ridiculous posts.

OP just skip breakfast. Stay in the cheaper hotel, you would have spent the day with her any way on Saturday and tbh she will probably be sick of your kid by Sunday Grin

rookiemere · 03/09/2021 18:45

@Dangermouse5 particularly when the OP has been good with answering questions and dealing with what ifs and providing an outcome.

I'd like the thread to have enough space for an update after the event, not 350 pointless posts about juggling babies breakfast times and encouraging OP to make her 2 hr drive into a 3 hr round trip.

JosiahJosiahKate · 03/09/2021 18:45

Dangermouse- it's not so easy on the app though.
You can't filter the posts and if you want to reply to a post and quote it you bypass everything else.
You also can't tell where you are on a thread, ie you could be on post 124 of 675 but there's no way of telling this.

Although I could be a fool and aren't using the app correctly.

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 03/09/2021 18:46

27 pages of this…..

Good grief.

YANBU.

She asked to join you, not the other way round.

You’ve already compromised, more than once, and now she’s accused you of being difficult because her husband couldn’t possibly eat before 10am.

Diddums for him.

Bugger them.

Stay where suits you, have breakfast when suits you, go home when suits you, and remember the ‘difficult’ dig the next time she asks you to rearrange everything to suit her with no consideration for you.

YDBear · 03/09/2021 18:48

What hotel serves breakfast at 10:30? I guess some are open till 11:00 but it still seems too short a time for a decent natter.

KateyKontent · 03/09/2021 18:48

Just meet on day 1.

Stay on the cheaper hotel 34 mins away and have breakfast at a time to suit your DS.

Travel home early as per your plans.

Emmelina · 03/09/2021 18:49

So you’ve accommodated her by booking a hotel right near her house to make it easier for her to meet you for breakfast.
It’s time for her to bend for you! It’s not like she has to travel far to get to you with hours of driving 🙄

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 18:49

@JosiahJosiahKate

Dangermouse- it's not so easy on the app though. You can't filter the posts and if you want to reply to a post and quote it you bypass everything else. You also can't tell where you are on a thread, ie you could be on post 124 of 675 but there's no way of telling this.

Although I could be a fool and aren't using the app correctly.

Josiah I use the app. There is a filter button it looks like a funnel You click on it and it lets you select OPs posts and read them all.

Or read the original post which spells it out and then is further elaborated in although the first post is pretty clear

Localocal · 03/09/2021 18:49

Why not give your son his breakfast in your room at his customary time and then take him for a walk until you meet your friends for breakfast at 10? Surely three hours after your toddler eats his breakfast he will be ready for another meal?

Not clear why four adults have to eat when the toddler eats. I would be annoyed at having my nice breakfast gathering happen at the crack of dawn too. It's not very sociable to plan a social meal at 7am.

Also, you described this as a "day out" but it sounds like you mean to have an early breakfast and then rush home. One 7am breakfast is not a day out with friends.

Or you could skip the hotel and drive up with baby after his breakfast in the morning, arriving in time for a nice brunch with them somewhere, and then a walk nearby, and then go back home.

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 18:52

You don't need to be a MN member to see OPs posts via the funnel filter button even on the app.

I wish new posters would use this

Or read the original post better or at least do the two arrows to get you to the end and read back a few pages. If you take the time to comment, at least read what you are talking about!

You'd get sacked in my field if you gave such ill informed opinions on something you didn't bother to even read a bit of!

itsgettingwierd · 03/09/2021 18:53

I'm genuinely baffled by the number of people saying the OP is unreasonable to book the hotel she wanted to book - cheaper and facilities, unreasonable not to feed her ds and then drive a further 30 minutes from hotel to meet her friend ......

Totally ignoring the fact the OP simply told her friend she was visiting safari, told her friend she was booking that hotel and the friend then invited herself, wanted to OP to pay for a more expensive hotel so she didn't have to drive 30 minutes and then wants to dictate the time they meet for breakfast.

Eddielzzard · 03/09/2021 18:55

She's got a bit of a cheek. She's invited herself along on your safari trip, then invited herself to your evening meal, then tried to get you to book the hotel SHE wanted to have breakfast at (WTF) and then calls YOU DIFFICULT?

WTAF?!