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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
caspersmagicaljourney · 03/09/2021 17:27

Might as well have brunch and be done with it 😁

Nixster87 · 03/09/2021 17:31

Tbh she’s the one without kids and if she can’t travel to nearer your home and stay in a hotel she should accommodate your schedule when you uproot your child to meet her. Why can’t she have breakfast at home then meet tonight for a walk / coffee etc. It doesn’t have to be breakfast surely, children get cranky and it will be a long and grumpy morning for you all. Suggest a brunch elsewhere or an early lunch so it’s at a time to suit all parties

Jeannie88 · 03/09/2021 17:38

Oh the difference between having kids and not. Seems they're not used to having to get up early and won't make the effort to so YANBU. We 9n the other hand have no choice. Sorry but my reaction would be lazy selfish gits lol. X

JournalistEmily · 03/09/2021 17:38

I actually kind of think you’re both being unreasonable. Your breakfast is too early, hers is a bit late (but more like the sort of time I’d meet a friend for brek tbh) Don’t see the stress here, just feed your son early and meet them for brunch. Or have lunch together so you get your hotel breakfast? Simple…..

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/09/2021 17:40

Just take a cereal bar etc for your ds it’s no big deal.

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/09/2021 17:42

Just read it’s a two hour drive? I have driven that distance just for dinner, why would you need a hotel? And yes with young children.

Margerine78 · 03/09/2021 17:45

I'm kidless, I get up no earlier than 9am each morning (not a morning person), and I usually have breakfast 10.30/11am. However if my best mate was travelling to see me with her young kids in tow, I would 100% work around them and suck it up!

Christinatherabbit · 03/09/2021 17:45

Not really sure who's unreasonable here but just wanted to say I have 5 kids and would never have expected anyone to meet for breakfast at 8am! If it had to I would just give my child breakfast when they wake up, amuse them in a park or a hotel pool or walk round the shops or whatever until a more reasonable time for adults to meet and then have my breakfast at 10.30 and give them a croissant or something to munch on. I don't get the issue with that (sorry if you have explained I haven't read the whole thing)

graysquirrel · 03/09/2021 17:47

To be honest my daughter is an early riser so would eat early, but she'd be ready for good again at 10. Can't you have breakfast in hotel, then check out and meet your friends later on for brunch?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 03/09/2021 17:49

Who the fuck is she to tell you "I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day" !?
Tell her SHE'S the one being difficult, she'll be fine having breakfast at 7/8am for just one day, and children have routines which if disrupted can knock the whole day or following days out of whack! What an insensitive, selfish jerk of a 'friend' OP. I doubt that I would be staying friends with someone as nasty as that.

Addicted2LuvIsland · 03/09/2021 17:51

She is selfish. I wouldn't bother going. Go somewhere nicer just you husband and baby. You're going all that way and she can't compromise. She sounds like a name that rhymes with Rick if you know what I mean

piscis · 03/09/2021 17:52

Why do you need to have breakfast together if it is such a problem? You are going to have a day out with them anyway...

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 03/09/2021 17:52

Good for you. Enjoy the hotel and pool
I hope you are just going home afterwards on the Sunday. Your friend is being a pain in the arse
I can only assume those who think yabu haven't rtft

Mumontour85 · 03/09/2021 17:56

I'd reply and just say
'Really? Because it feels as though we're travelling across the country to come and see you and we're accommodating you by paying more than we need for a hotel! You are the one that can't get out of bed for one day to accommodate the actual real fact that we have a child who has a very important routine. I'm not being difficult, I'm telling you that this is how it is'.

Then if she remains an asshat, just have a lovely weekend without her.

WTAFhappened123 · 03/09/2021 17:57

Have breakfast at a time that suits your family and let your friend know your check out is 11am so will be leaving then. If they want to pop to hotel for a coffee at 10 that would be lovely otherwise you’ll see her soon. Youve spent the whole day with her Saturday. Is there option to change to the hotel of your choice? Most have good cancellation policies nowadays. Of course you don’t expect the world to fit around you but on the other hand if your friend is being stubborn then you tell her what YOU are doing and if she can fit in - great…if not it’s a shame but oh well!

Onelovelyone · 03/09/2021 17:57

Glad that you have booked the cheaper hotel as it sounds like the facilities work better there. I think your friend is being unreasonable. Whilst 8 might be early, with a toddler 10 is too late for breakfast and trying to eat and hold onto him at that time (when he would be wanting to do things, run around and so on) sounds foul for you - and her! The deal breaker for me would be that she was unwilling to make a 30 min journey and wasn’t up for any level of flexibility. Sounds like there is something go on for her that’s made this arrangement jarring and the Saturday plan alone sounds like a better option! My toddler is also always hectically busy and active so a leisurely breakfast would’ve be an option for me either!

Beautiful3 · 03/09/2021 17:58

What you've suggested (meeting up Saturday and leaving out Sundays breakfast) is perfect. Don't listen to her, you are NOT being difficult.

NailsNeedDoing · 03/09/2021 18:08

I’m with the friend, there’s no way I could get up and want breakfast at 8 on a Sunday. There’s no reason why the toddler can have an early breakfast and the adults a late one, your ds won’t mind!

NailsNeedDoing · 03/09/2021 18:09

Can’t

MsButterfly · 03/09/2021 18:09

She’s just doesn’t understand - no one understands how difficult toddlers can be if their routine is disturbed or they are hungry unless you’ve had kids. Especially with your first. She’ll probably learn one day :)

You will become much more flexible with subsequent children though as your life will need to fit with the older kids too and you’ll look back on this and laugh at yourself.

I think you are both being unreasonable though. She shouldn’t be calling you difficult and suggesting a hotel next to her / not offering for you to stay. Feeding your toddler early in room is the absolute simple solution though.

If that really doesn’t work and you’ll be climbing the walls between then and meeting them for breakfast just do whatever works best for your family. Either way this breakfast plan with your friend has soured now! Enjoy your day out and go for the cheaper hotel with the pool and give her the option to take or leave meeting you there for late morning coffee after you’ve eaten, packed up and swam.

Bertiebiscuit · 03/09/2021 18:10

I would cancel the whole trip and her - she's rude, unhelpful and selfish - not someone I would waste my time with tbh - you have to do what's right for your child

Overtired201984 · 03/09/2021 18:11

She sounds really selfish in my opinion …..

LimeRedBanana · 03/09/2021 18:12

Just cancel the cheque. OP. Wink

impossible · 03/09/2021 18:12

Glad you got the cheap hotel. It seems to me neither you or your friend are right or wrong - you just have very different lifestyles and the issue is how much you are each willing to accommodate the other. Personally I wouldn't get arrange to meet someone for breakfast at 7/8 am on a Sunday and I wouldn't expect anyone to meet me at that time, even when my dcs were small and very early risers.

See how much you enjoy Saturday and if you'd like to see your friend on Sunday meet her at the other hotel for mid morning coffee. That way your family can have early breakfast and a swim and your friend can have her lie in. And if you don't want to see her again head home to take care of your cat.

Cutesbabasmummy · 03/09/2021 18:17

Yanbu. 10.30 is brunch. I couldn't wait until 10.30am for breakfast! And to the poster who suggested giving an 18 month old a cereal bar - really?!