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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandy008 · 03/09/2021 13:00

[quote Rozziie]@Dangermouse5 she told the friend she can't do it because of the toddler. As I've already said, she shoehorned the stuff about the cattery in later in an attempt to justify her decision. Do try to keep up.[/quote]
@Rozziie

I didn’t “shoe horn” anything in….

I said in my OP that I’d told my friend we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.

Had it have just been myself and DH, we would’ve maybe had breakfast at 9, and left the hotel at 10.30.
I know my friend would’ve agreed to 9am.. we’ve done breakfast many of times before when we’ve stayed in hotels and this was always the time we’d agree for breakfast.

You mentioned jealousy and resentment from parents to child free adults, but I think it’s seems the other way around… (particularly from you)

I feel my friend is purposely trying to be difficult to make a point that she doesn’t have kids and isn’t going to work around my toddler.

That’s fine, she doesn’t have to, and I wouldn’t expect her to.
But I do work around my toddler, it’s my job to do that.

I’ve met plenty of friends later in the day before, but that’s when we’re at home and I can entertain DS with his toys / go to the park.

But that’s very different to when you’re stuck in a hotel and expected to entrain a toddler for 4 hours and then expect him to sit through a “leisurely” brunch with two childfree adults.

OP posts:
Ilovecaviar · 03/09/2021 13:07

Really don’t understand why you’re getting so much flak for this, you are nbu at all.

What did you decide to do in the end?

Tiana4 · 03/09/2021 13:12

@Dandy008

Did you decide how you'd deal with it?

I'm assuming you will have now decided to stay at hotel you want (with the pool Grin!) and shut down friend's insistence on a 3rd meet up for a late breakfast also on the Sunday (when you'll have already left to drive home!) .

Majority of PPs agree YANBU and are a little shocked your friends called you 'difficult'! When she's being difficult! I suspect you're too nice to say that to her OP Smile

I think there were plenty of suggestions for brief polite replies early on in the thread, before it got derailed.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 03/09/2021 13:22

@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandy008 · 03/09/2021 13:25

I think you are OPs friend. Or someone else's equivalently single minded friend.

@Tiana4

I’ve been thinking this about @Rozziie too…
Perhaps it is my friend… I mean If she’s on MN it wouldn’t be hard for her to work out that it’s me…. 😂

OP posts:
Tiana4 · 03/09/2021 13:31

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
Ah good result all round. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I think you are very sensible not to get into any further discussions with your friend about your arrangements.

Also saw your latest other post Grin

rookiemere · 03/09/2021 13:34

Glad you went for the sensible option OP.
Be prepared for another several hundred responses that haven't read your update Wink!

deleteasappropriate · 03/09/2021 13:36

Well done @Dandy008 - shame the hard of thinking have been out in force. I understood perfectly well what you meant in your post, and I think you made the right decision.

RightSaidPleb · 03/09/2021 13:38

I'm so surprised by what a hard time you're getting on this thread Op!

You and your friend have arranged to see each other. You are doing the travelling of 2 hrs to be near to your friend.

The day out is planned Saturday

Your friend then suggested breakfast Sunday and said to stay even closer to her at a more expensive hotel. As despite you travelling 2 hours to see her, she wasn't prepared to drive 30 to meet for breakfast.

The nearer to her hotel adds an extra hour onto your journey if you meet there for breakfast and stay at your preferred one.

She wanted to meet at 10.30 and won't compromise more than 30 mins, nor is she willing to travel to meet you.

This forces you to stay at a more expensive hotel, further away from home, with no activities for DS and wait around until she's ready to meet-all for a breakfast that she suggested and you're not that fussed about!

I think people are hung up on your toddler routine. I have a 20 month old so somewhat sympathise. I think the point that is missed is that you are absolutely willing for DS to have his breakfast at usual time and meet up later for a more casual brunch but only if it's further away from her so you have some things to do with DS. She is the one unwilling to do this.

I wouldn't want to be stuck trying to entertain my toddler in a hotel with no amenities or outside space for a couple of hours whilst waiting for a friend to get herself ready to meet me for a breakfast I hadn't even suggested

The cat is really a distraction in all the noise

Well done for booking a hotel that's suitable to you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2021 13:44

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
Excellent! Well done.

There's no need for the "friend" to have any drama about Sunday morning - she can have her breakfast whenever she wants it, you just won't be hanging around waiting for her!

Over the years, I have taken DSs (first DS1 on his own until DS2 came along) out to meet friends in the UK when we've gone back there. At no time has ANY friend of mine tried to make the timings all about them - and half of them don't have kids. But they do understand that things like earlier mealtimes, bedtimes, "routines" etc. do play a part in when we can meet up! And so we've been out for dinner at 6pm, lunch at noon etc. in places where my DSs are able to be entertained sufficiently for us to catch up. If they've suggested something that doesn't really work for us, then we've found a way to work around it. None of them have behaved like your friend, @Dandy008 - and if they had, I'd be thinking twice about seeing them again in the future!

diddl · 03/09/2021 14:38

[quote Dandy008]@Tiana4

We’ve booked the cheaper hotel. 🤩

I told my friend that we’ve booked the cheaper hotel and said we’re looking forward to seeing her on the Saturday.[/quote]
Fabulous.

Hope you all have a lovely time.

longwayoff · 03/09/2021 14:43

Change your plans. She's a pita. Go elsewhere and have a nice day.

Tiana4 · 03/09/2021 15:05

OP has, longwayoff - see the latest posts! It's great news!

Now Dandy008... after the bit of stress of past few days, It's time to start looking up those photos of the swimming pool at the hotel you're staying at, to get excited about! Grin

And maybe the breakfast menu. I am partial to Eggs Benedict or eggs florentine (with smoked salmon and spinach, not just the spinach one) if there is any offer of that instead of the full English breakfast option.

Wish I was going to a hotel with a pool now ... Grin

I think you'll need that lovely breakfast in the hotel restaurant, brought to you at the table - the luxury!!- after all your driving and safari park adventures (with friend and your family) the day before!

Goldbar · 03/09/2021 15:08

Swimming is great for tiring little ones out. Hope you get a relaxing trip home while they snooze.

Tiana4 · 03/09/2021 15:15

Oh maybe longwayoff meant go somewhere entirely different! But there's no need for that. OP still wants to see her friend on the Saturday, and is doing so and they have lovely plans together.

And OP now has a lovely guilt free Sunday morning with her DH and toddler and a hotel with swimming pool and quiet breakfast, without any extra angst nor faff involved. And will get back for cat in time, with a happy toddler when she & DH wanted to.

All has worked out well ThanksHalo

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 15:20

@Goldbar

Swimming is great for tiring little ones out. Hope you get a relaxing trip home while they snooze.
Lol! Good thinking! Full tummy or DS and a little snooze in the car on the motorway home... Smile

I'm so pleased that Dandy008 had so much support in here and she dealt with it so kindly and sensibly. Well done OP!

LaurieFairyCake · 03/09/2021 15:29

If she's so resistant to your kid I'm not sure you're going to have an easy time with her on the Saturday at the safari park

She sounds a bit annoying tbh ThanksCakeGin

Notgoingonholiday · 03/09/2021 15:57

But OP have you not yet considered giving your toddler porridge in the hotel room at 7, them getting him to watch TV and them having a leisurely breakfast at 10.30 with your friend?
GrinGrin

Notgoingonholiday · 03/09/2021 15:57

*then

JacquelineCarlyle · 03/09/2021 16:15

Glad you've booked the cheaper hotel. Hope you have a great time.

1FootInTheRave · 03/09/2021 16:18

Good plan.

Have a great weekend.

whatthejiggeries · 03/09/2021 16:33

I think you are being unreasonable not moving to 9am on a Sunday morning so ultimately what you have done by moving hotel is probably the beat option

Dangermouse5 · 03/09/2021 16:37

I think what shows OP is a nice friend is that she took a polite way out & didn't respond to the tone of a rude text her friend ought have regretted sending. And maybe friend did.

OP simply spelt out "we are staying at X (further away) hotel, see you Saturday".

It said just enough to be clear and didn't get into any further debate.

cherish123 · 03/09/2021 17:24

Could you not give DS at 7. Then you all meet at 10.30 for breakfast or brunch and DS could have a snack.

cherish123 · 03/09/2021 17:24

However, I don't think you are being difficult.

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