Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

Not what you’ve asked, @Dandy008, but I really wouldn’t put an 18-year-old cat through the stress and disruption of a cattery just to extend a day out into a night away,

You are both being unreasonable, just call it quits

I'd just say I'm sorry its not going to work out. Then book the convenient hotel. She's on a different schedule to you and sounds very immature.

The cheaper hotel with pool sounds much better. And get breakfast when you like.

You're getting a hard time here.

@SparklingLime

Not what you’ve asked, *@Dandy008*, but I really wouldn’t put an 18-year-old cat through the stress and disruption of a cattery just to extend a day out into a night away,

@SparklingLime

Ah it’s not a typical cattery, she won’t have to stay in a “cage” or be restricted to a small space.

It’s a “pet hotel”.. She will have free range to walk around the house.
She’s surprisingly fantastic with other cats.
She has always been an indoor cat (her choice) but she does get an outdoor section whilst she is there.

It’s not very far from our house so there’s not much travelling for her.

My mum would usually have her for us if it’s just one night / day but she is away that week.

I can’t bare the thought of her being at home alone for too long.

She’s become very accustomed to my husband working from home and loves having company.

Are you even friends? Both being a bit odd and unreasonable.

I think you're both being unreasonable but especially you. Who arranges a social breakfast catch-up for pre 8am on a Sunday? That's just ridiculous. If I made plans with a friend for breakfast I would not expect to meet up before about 09.30 at the absolute earliest. I don't think 10.30 is at all unreasonable on a Sunday. It's not your friend's problem that your son is up early...why can't he have breakfast when he gets up and then have a snack or a drink later on? Why is the schedule of 4 adults dictated by a small child?

That said, it was quite unreasonable of her to ask you to stay so close to her so she didn't have to travel at all. In that situation of you having travelled to me, I'd be prepared to meet you in the middle, meaning between 9 and 9.30 at a push. Not a hope in hell I'd even entertain the idea of 8am.

@Charbead49

Are you even friends? Both being a bit odd and unreasonable.

@Charbead49

I think what it is, is before DC me and my husband were very laid back when it came to plans with this friend and her husband. They made all of the plans and we would go along with it.
We didn’t really moan or try to change anything.

I feel like now that I’m trying to take the lead a little, she doesn’t like it. 🙁

@Rozziie

Who arranges a social breakfast catch-up for pre 8am on a Sunday? That's just ridiculous

If you have read all of my posts, you will have seen that I have not arranged a “social breakfast”.

Incase you haven’t read my posts….
My friend asked me to stay at a hotel close to her (because I told her I was booking a hotel) and said she would meet us for breakfast.
I told her we would be eating early, that doesn’t suit her.

I didn’t invite her, I didn’t arrange a social breakfast, she made the plan to come along to breakfast herself.

I didn’t invite her, I didn’t arrange a social breakfast, she made the plan to come along to breakfast herself

And you could have said no thanks straight up instead of this bizarre arguing about who is unreasonable about timings...honestly, some people just want the arguments

So what are you going to say to her in response?

I think she's being unreasonable by the way. Stay at the hotel with the pool. Your son will love it and it'll make paying to stay overnight a bit more justifiable with a fun activity in the morning to entertain your toddler. That should also tire him out enough for a little nap on the way home, which might be handy!

[quote Dandy008]@Rozziie

Who arranges a social breakfast catch-up for pre 8am on a Sunday? That's just ridiculous

If you have read all of my posts, you will have seen that I have not arranged a “social breakfast”.

Incase you haven’t read my posts….
My friend asked me to stay at a hotel close to her (because I told her I was booking a hotel) and said she would meet us for breakfast.
I told her we would be eating early, that doesn’t suit her.

I didn’t invite her, I didn’t arrange a social breakfast, she made the plan to come along to breakfast herself.[/quote]
Yes, your friend tried to make a social arrangement to meet you for breakfast, as I said. You were not remotely accommodating and basically told her you'd be eating early, like it or lump it.

Do you actually like this person? I can't imagine being so unaccommodating to someone I considered a friend!

8am is an ordinary breakfast time for most people, surely? I don't know, I think it's anecdotal. For example, none of the adults I know apart from my mother even eat breakfast.

My children eat around 30 mins after they wake (between 7.30 and 8). But I wouldn't dream of expecting a friend to meet us at their usual breakfast time (7am for the op).

Equally if I were the friend I'd have suggested brunch or lunch and wouldn't dream of suggesting a more expensive hotel with fewer facilities.

I would just have your own breakfast at 8am and then then meet friends later for coffee before you head home
xx

I'd book a B&B near the safari park! If she wants to join you for dinner - fine. But breakfast is for your convenience. Why does she need to join you?

I think you're being really inflexible on the concept of meeting after your DS has been fed, which I suspect is driven from your friend being less flexible on certain things in the past and you trying to reciprocate some awkwardness. However, I note your point about not having anyone to pick the cat up from the cattery, which is fair enough. Presumably, if you don't pick the cat up on time, if the cattery are even able to accommodate your pet, it will cost you more, and you would already be shelling out extra for the near hotel.

Honestly, it sounds like you should focus on having a lovely day out together on Saturday, and accept that you all have your own reasons why your diaries can't come together on Sunday and leave it at that! In which case, there's no point booking the more expensive closer hotel. Your friend might roll her eyes at that, but you both have different priorities and commitments, and sometimes you just can't get everything to line up, which is fine.

The safari will be more fun than breakfast anyway!

I'd be saying,
"We've thought about it and have decided to stay at the (your choice) hotel as it has a pool for child and us on the way home. I'm sure we'll all have fun at the safari park and dinner on Saturday, so let's forget the breakfast meet up this time around."

Just suit yourself. The fact that she won't split the time difference, and especially her laziness in not being prepared to drive 30 minutes settles it for me.

'Breakfast' out is always around 10 for us so I don't find the time unreasonable. I, personally, wouldn't want to do any earlier. 9 maybe.
Have I missed why you don't just return home after the day out? It's only 2 hours drive right?
'Something has come up' which means you can't stay overnight but maybe 'next time. Drama over. 🤷‍♀️

Op ignore the weirdos, you’re def not bu

Have I missed why you don't just return home after the day out? It's only 2 hours drive right?

It’s 2 hours. If they’ve spent a day out, then gone out for dinner, has a couple of glasses of wine, etc…

Who then wants to drive for 2 hours? Surely it’s not that weird to not want to spend 2 hours - after dinner - hauling ass home, when you could just stop over.

I still maintain the OP says her goodbyes to her friend on Saturday evening, and then heads home at whatever time suits her on Sunday morning.

[quote Dandy008]@Rozziie

Who arranges a social breakfast catch-up for pre 8am on a Sunday? That's just ridiculous

If you have read all of my posts, you will have seen that I have not arranged a “social breakfast”.

Incase you haven’t read my posts….
My friend asked me to stay at a hotel close to her (because I told her I was booking a hotel) and said she would meet us for breakfast.
I told her we would be eating early, that doesn’t suit her.

I didn’t invite her, I didn’t arrange a social breakfast, she made the plan to come along to breakfast herself.[/quote]
And this ^^ is exactly why I never start threads on MN.

The reading comprehension skills of the average MNer are so appalling that it’s just not worth all the continued clarifications and explanations.

@LimeRedBanana - there is a considerable percentage of MNers who don't even manage to read the opening post, they respond to the TITLE of the thread instead.

Yeah, I don't get it either.

Hats off to you OP for hanging in here and replying to all the posters who haven't actually bothered to read or understand the details of this post.
What did you decide to do? Are you going to reply to the "you're being difficult" text? I wouldn't, id just leave it and text when en route on Sat to say we'll meet you at x time and never mention the Sunday again. Or lie and tell her the whole trip is off and go and enjoy yourselves without all this stress

@thebeatingofthedrums

I think you're being really inflexible on the concept of meeting after your DS has been fed, which I suspect is driven from your friend being less flexible on certain things in the past and you trying to reciprocate some awkwardness. However, I note your point about not having anyone to pick the cat up from the cattery, which is fair enough. Presumably, if you don't pick the cat up on time, if the cattery are even able to accommodate your pet, it will cost you more, and you would already be shelling out extra for the near hotel.

Honestly, it sounds like you should focus on having a lovely day out together on Saturday, and accept that you all have your own reasons why your diaries can't come together on Sunday and leave it at that! In which case, there's no point booking the more expensive closer hotel. Your friend might roll her eyes at that, but you both have different priorities and commitments, and sometimes you just can't get everything to line up, which is fine.

The safari will be more fun than breakfast anyway!

That's what the OP said she'd do and her friend called her difficult!!

500+ of replies from people who didn't RTFT!

I'd just say sorry, breakfast won't work for us at that time either, let's stick with the plans for Saturday and do breakfast another time.

Surely that's the end of it? You are seeing her on the Saturday so not will see her then.

I'd also book the hotel closer to home and enjoy the pool before you have to check out.