Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

Just say no, you need to be on the road by 10am to collect cat by 12:30

Book the other hotel. Say goodbye after the safari thing

Wait til she has kids! Just you wait 🤣

This is one of those situations where you arent going to find a time to suit both a toddler and a childfree adult.

She is unreasonable to expect a toddler to wait until 10.30 for breakfast (she perhaps hasnt met any toddlers....), but for a nice breakfast/brunch out 8am is too early.

In this situation I would be going to the cheaper hotel further away and giving the toddler their breakfast when he's used to it, then travelling to meet for brunch at 10.30, BUT managing the friends expectations about how long a toddler can be expected to sit at a table etc, take colouring/stickers/screen. If she's expecting a long leisurely brunch I would disillusion her of that idea pronto.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, however, coming from someone who is never hungry first thing in a morning, food at 10.30 sounds a lot better to me. I think your friend is being unreasonable aans stubborn about it though. is there any way you could explain to her that your child NEEDS to eat, he's not an adult and can't wait, so you'd prefer to have breakfast at the hotel, without her, and then wherever she chooses to go for breakfast, you'd still be happy to go and sit and have a coffee and cake or something whilst they have breakfast?

I think you both sound like hard work. We have toddlers in the family and if we arrange a breakfast meet up it's always at around 10-1030. The toddler and other kids will have had something earlier to keep them going.

You seem very inflexible and she's being selfish re where you should stay.

You've got lots of reasons why you won't meet her for breakfast later so just tell her you're going home to pick up your cat.

She's rude.

I'd go for the cheaper hotel, give DS an early breakfast there then drive to a brunch type place closer to her to meet her for brunch or coffee before going home.

You’re having dinner at 5pm the night before - just go home. It’s only 2 hours, it’s nothing. You’ll be home by 9 worst case, bung DS in pjs in the car and transfer him to bed, wake up at home the next day, don’t sent cat to cattery.

Arrange to see friend another time for lunch somewhere in the middle

Id just say you are looking forward to meeting her on Saturday, but you will skip the breakfast on Sunday as you’ve got to get back to pick up the cat.

And if you want a hotel then book the cheaper one which sounds more enjoyable

Personally I would tell her nicely you have decided to forget about meeting for breakfast. Stay in the hotel you want. Have breakfast and a swim there and head home.

Staying in the hotel she wants you to stay in is unacceptable if there is really nothing you can do with DS. Tell her the arrangements don't really suit you so just forget about breakfast.

Bloody hell.

If you're meeting them at the Safari park on Saturday, then out for 5pm tea, why not just drive all the way home after that? Ds can nod off in the car, dcat won't need to go to kitty hotel, you don't have to go to the expense of staying in a hotel, and there's no argument about breakfast/brunch.

You all might be sick of each other by teatime anyway!!

Why is everyone telling OP to drive home on Saturday? We often choose to stay over after a big day out - everyone gets a more relaxed evening and then you're rested for the trip home the next day, particularly with young children! It makes it more of a treat and a 'mini break.'
The overnight stay isn't the issue here, it's the late breakfast that is impractical. What hotel will serve breakfast at 10.30 anyway?
OP, stay in the hotel you want to and enjoy your time away!

@Dandy008

I’m baffled by so many people suggesting leisurely coffees or leisurely breakfast.

I must be doing something wrong because leisurely and my toddler do not go well together 😂

That's because so many PPs haven't RTFT or even just your answers OP

It's utterly ridiculous

Just do Saturday meet up and the hotel you want overnight for Sunday swim, have breakfast when it suits your Ds and head home from there for cat. Your tile is tight on Sunday morning- you've no time tor anything else.

All these ridiculous PPs haven't spotted you are already seeing friend Sat and for dinner sat tea time^ - things that friend invited herself along to. And you didn't want to^ have breakfast with her . It's friend who's trying to insist you do and ignoring that it'll make toddler and yourselves miserable so she can lie in- whilst you hang around hours and hours for Madam. She's also insisting you stay at an unsuitable hotel and have your breakfast 2-3 hours late to suit her, when it will be difficult to entertain toddler and you don't have time as have a two hour drive and cat to pick up at 12.30. You can't bend time.

Your friend is utterly unreasonable, can't see it, so just tell her no.

You're friend is my willing to compromise at all, is she?!

Just tell her you're more than happy to meet her at the safari park instead, given that a 30 minute drive to your hotel is too far for her but it is quite an imposition in YOU to spend 3 hours in a hotel with no child friendly activities, waiting for her to leisurely arrive.

Or you could respond with "Difficult? Me? When it's you who refuse to drive more than 30 minutes (but we can drive several hours), you want us to stay somewhere more expensive with absolutely no child friendly sly facilities just because YOU can't be bothered to get out of bed at a normal time? You're having a laugh!

@LimeRedBanana my reading comprehension skills are absolutely fine. The problem is OPs who shout about people not having read the post when they receive opinions they don't like.

Anything you do where you plan to meet up with someone else is 'social' - sorry that's so challenging for you. If OP didn't want to meet her friend for breakfast, she could just have said 'no thanks' to the plan. Agreeing to it made it a social arrangement. Get it yet?

You're already spending Saturday with them, don't bother with breakfast. It causing far too much aggro.
I'd also cancel the hotel if possible and either book into the one with the pool and enjoy bringing ds for a swim, or just head home after dinner on Saturday and save the money for another day out. Toddlers in hotels aren't much fun.

But to answer the question, yanbu given that you didn't invite her in the first place and have already offered to compromise.

@Dangermouse5 invited herself along? The friend thinks OP wants to spent time with her! She's trying to make that happen.

I love how people with kids often complain that their childfree friends don't want to see them anymore. Jeez, I wonder why!??!

[quote Rozziie]@LimeRedBanana my reading comprehension skills are absolutely fine. The problem is OPs who shout about people not having read the post when they receive opinions they don't like.

Anything you do where you plan to meet up with someone else is 'social' - sorry that's so challenging for you. If OP didn't want to meet her friend for breakfast, she could just have said 'no thanks' to the plan. Agreeing to it made it a social arrangement. Get it yet?[/quote]
The OP has not arranged a ‘social breakfast catch-up for pre 8am on a Sunday’…?!

I’m sorry you’re embarrassed on being called out for blatant misunderstanding (I would be too!).

OP I really feel for you. I remember this stage and routine is soooo important for most children at this age. Sleep and food routine that meets their needs means they are happy and then the adults are happy. Your friend, if she has kids in the future, will look back on this and understand, but right now she can’t. It’s much easier for an adult to get up earlier or eat earlier than it is for a toddler to change routine unless they are used to it (but this can have downsides in terms of their development).

You are working really hard to justify your choices here but you don’t need to. You know your child. You know what works.

Tell your friend you are not being difficult and really want to have breakfast with her but it seems as though her needs and your DC needs are too different and that none of you will enjoy a brunch with a grumpy and restless toddler and so it’s better to leave it this time until DC is older and can cope better. Book the cheap hotel and crack on. Make sure she knows that it’s not that you don’t want to see her but that it’s tricky with DC to do whatever you fancy.

If I were you I would be feeling a bit miffed that I was making all the compromises and wouldn’t feel like being flexible! Hence the advice above. But then, this isn’t conducive to good friendships - if this is a good friendship that you want to invest in. I’m not 100% sure it is from the little you’ve posted about it but only you can know if it’s worth ‘giving in’ to her demands.

Another thought is: She might be feeling insecure - DC taking you away?

If you do really value the friendship and want her to know you really want to see her then could DH take DC off after breakfast and you just meet the two of you for coffee mid morning?

I remember a family celebration meal that they insisted would be later (Start at DC bedtime) and us trying to explain that one of us wouldn’t be able to eat as it was bedtime. First new baby in our generation. Lots of pressure to just keep DC up - but we knew this would make it a miserable time. Fast forward a few years and now more grandchildren around and now events always focus on a child-centred approach because then everyone enjoys it more. It’s not rocket science but until you have kids and see the pattern it’s hard to understand.

Good luck OP.

[quote Rozziie]@Dangermouse5 invited herself along? The friend thinks OP wants to spent time with her! She's trying to make that happen.

I love how people with kids often complain that their childfree friends don't want to see them anymore. Jeez, I wonder why!??![/quote]
You havent RTFT or haven't understood it.

OP IS meeting friend already spending all day Saturday with her and also Saturday for dinner. OP doesn't want to meet friend for breakfast the next day as she has to feed toddler and get home before 12.30 for cat from cattery collection with a 2 hour drive. So no she doesn't want to meet up 10-10.30am for breakfastwith her friend as she doesn't have time. She can't magic up time that doesn't exist.

I would say the opposite is happening here. "Childless couple who have every right to a lazy leisurely weekend, don't understand that their friends who are parents with a young toddler and other responsibilities no longer have luxury of hanging around for hours and messing around with an 18 month olds meals to fit around adults who want brunch not breakfast and are peed off that their friends can't do it as their lives are too busy now. "

They are already spending a long day together on Saturday. That'll definitely be enough for friend to understand how having a toddler changes the dynamics and timings.

Surely she would know that most hotels don't serve breakfast after 9/9.30??

Best to ditch her now anyway she's one of those childless friends who isn't going to stay part of your life.

Tbh I don't see a 2 hr drive as especially long. If this were me I'd go for day out and drive home. Save hotel expense and weird breakfast issue.

YANBU, your 'friend' is.

I have teenagers and they are happy to wait for food they snack while they wait!

At 18 months old waiting would have been a disaster.

I would work around the needs of friends with babies and toddlers, that's what friends do

For only a 2 hour journey I'd just drive back that night with the toddler asleep in the car.