Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

I can’t be bothered to read 18 pages about a breakfast.

A 2 hour drive does not justify a hotel stay.

How odd.

OP - I agree with others, do your Saturday plans, say to friend “sorry you feel that way, Sunday wont work for breakfast but we’ll see you on Saturday if you’re still up for it”.

It wasn’t even a day out with your friend originally, if you hadn’t said you were going to the safari park she’d never have invited herself along so she cant start dictating your Sunday plans.

Even if you do compromise for a 10am breakfast you’re going to be up early with toddler, fannying about while you wait for friend, not eating breakfast with her anyway as you’ve eaten the one you paid for at the hotel ALL for the sake of an hour.

Sack. That.

I have young children including a toddler. Hell would freeze over before I'd meet a friend for breakfast before 9.

I'd give your toddler a small breakfast at normal time, and then go for a breakfast with your friend at the perfectly normal civilised breakfast time of gone 10, which will likely coincide with when he'll be wanting a snack.

I often go for breakfast at 10 with toddler at the weekend. This isn't about all children, or even your child, but you religiously wanting to stick to your timings

In this case, I really would just book the cheaper hotel 30 mins away, have breakfast at 7, then if I was feeling magnanimous meet them for a 10am brunch at the one close to her (assuming it's not 30 mins in the wrong direction). And that's with an 8 and 11 year old (who are also always up at 6:30, and could wait until 10:30 for both breakfast, and whilst amusing themselves on ipads - although I might be feeling a bit like it was a waste of time myself).

It's a good compromise all round (although yes, more for you). I would breezily just say that's what you're doing - no apologies, no mucking about, just that's what's on the table as I want to spend time with you, but it has to work for me too.

So are you going to meet you friend again on Sunday OP, or not?

Additionally, you’re spending most of Saturday with her, does she really need to meet for breakfast on Sunday too?

If she wants a proper catch up with you then surely it’s better to have a day with just you two, or even both of you and husbands when you have a sitter.

If I wanted to catch up with a friend I wouldnt invite myself to their family day out with small child, as lets be honest theres hardly going to be a lot of catching up while you’re showing your toddler the safari park.

How I read it is you have planned a family day out, you happened to mention it to your friend and she has invited herself along. She has also invited herself for dinner and is now trying to dictate where you stay and what time you feed your child?

This was something you had arranged that she is technically gatecrashing so she has to fit round you! It is nothing to do with PFB, if she wants to join you then she fits in round that or has to at least compromise.

Just say 'we absolutely have to get back to collect the cat, really sorry, won;t be able to do breakfast anyway. Have decided to rebook the cheaper hotel as we won't be around to make the most of the breakfast option, looking forward to seeing you on the Saturday, have a lovely breakfast without us on the Sunday, byeeee'

Ask her to cook brunch.
Have breakfast in the hotel with your little one then head over to hers for something before your drive home

You’re both being difficult. Of course you’ll need to feed DS early but then can’t you sit down again and he can have a snack while
You all have a proper breakfast?! Compromise anyone ?

@ThePlumVan

I can’t be bothered to read 18 pages about a breakfast.

A 2 hour drive does not justify a hotel stay.

How odd.

Although your post is rude and pointless I'll respond. I have thought the same as you and done exactly as your post suggests and decided to do a four hour round trip with a full days activities instead of just booking a hotel. As the only driver, and apparently the only parent who could look after toddler DS during the evening, it was horrific. I've never been so tired and at several points had wished I had just booked a hotel room. Now I don't bat an eyelid at a four hour round trip, especially with a full nights sleep I will still book a hotel if I am the lone driver for similar drives.

I get what you’re saying… you would compromise on the expensive, no pool, near to her hotel if she could compromise on the time.

You could do the time that suits her at the cheaper, further away, pool hotel, if she can compromise on driving a little way.

She wants her close location and lie in while you have to pay extra, have a stressful morning entertaining a toddler for hours and get back late for the cat… that’s before there’s an accident on the m42 or whatever.

I think I’d just stick to your guns- it’s got too complicated, have a nice Saturday together and head off early Sunday morning.

After reading all your posts (not all responses) given that your 'friend' has gatecrashed your family outing and then tried to dictate the terms I'd be giving it a hard pass and telling her it's off.

I think you’re both being unreasonable- you just give toddler breakfast as normal and then eat brunch. Your friend, literally raving mad to think you can make an 18 month old wait four hours for breakfast. Frankly I can’t!!

Why don't you pop round theirs at 10.30 after your early breakfast?

You seriously initially proposed 7am for breakfast? 😂😂 Even 8 am, yeah. No. That would mean I'd have to be up 7 to get ready etc. I would not be good company at that time in the morning. Why are people suggesting your son has a tangerine and then eats later. Just give your son his breakfast at 8. Eat your breakfast. Go back to your room. Have your showers, pack your bags and the car. Then meet at 10 for leisurely coffee. If breakfast isn't over by then, have your breakfast at 10. Honestly, no childless couple wants to rock up at 8am and have breakfast with an 18mth old.
And you live 2 hours away. We do days out that over 2 hours away there and then back in a day - and home for 6pm. My husband goes further than that for a footie match on a Saturday afternoon.
I can't believe you're falling out over breakfast. 🙄

@daisypond

YANBU. 10.30 for breakfast?

That would be early for me. I don’t eat before 1-2pm.

Your friends are being ridiculous. Before kids, I would've accepted the 8am offer, had a nice breakfast then gone home to sleep again!

@thebeatingofthedrums

Why can't you and DS have breakfast at 8am, then watch cartoons and do the packing, in time to meet your friend for a coffee at 10am?

Why do you have to leave so early if it's only a two-hour drive? Is it because you'd miss DS's fixed lunchtime?

He’s 18 months old. He’s not particularly interested in cartoons.

He likes to run around, play and be active.

Even if he did sit and watch cartoons, he wouldn’t be doing that for 3 hours.

Wanting to leave early has nothing to do with his “fixed” lunch time.

If you’d read my posts you will see that we have a cat who due to her age (18) can’t be left on her own overnight.
She will be in the cattery and we need to get back to collect her.

[quote Toria84]@MaryShelley1818

Who wants to meet up for a nice Sunday brunch at 8am. 10am is a much more reasonable time.

For the adults… not a toddler.. smh… 🙄[/quote]
But why can't the toddler eat at 8 and the adults eat at 10? I'm sure watching a child smearing his breakfast round his face is fascinating for parents but maybe something other adults are happy to miss out on.

@Bucanarab

Breakfast really is an adult thing.

🤣🤣🤣 That's got to be the most ridiculous statement I've seen on mumsnet.

Breakfast is for adults don't you know! 🤣🤣🤣

It's only ridiculous if you quote it out of context so it sounds like I am talking about the meal breakfast rather than this specific breakfast with friends

The deal breaker for me would be that she is insisting (or trying to dictate) you stay in a more expensive hotel with no facilities near to her because she doesn't want to dive the 30 minutes to meet or meet halfway.

But then she also wants to dictate the time.

She either gets later and further away because there's things for ds or not at all.

Especially when the hotel near her is 30 minutes in the wrong direction for home for you!

Well she's being unreasonable obviously but a solution could be stay in the further hotel, don't book breakfast- feed ds in room then swim and drive to other hotel for breakfast/brunch before heading down the road if you do wish to see her . Alternatively breakfast earlier then have a coffee with her at the closer hotel

Sorry but I think YBU and I have children. Feed ds early then he can share a bite of your breakfast at 10:00. I don’t see what the big deal is.

Jesus Christ. Can people RTFT before answering!!!