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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 02/09/2021 20:50

I get you with the early breakfast. Can you give DS fruit at his usual time and then meet your friend and let him have brunch? If you bring the fruit/cereal yourself toy can all make use of the hotel breakfast.

BlackShadowCat · 02/09/2021 20:51

I'm genuinely puzzled by some of the replies you've been getting. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Stay at the hotel you want to stay at and eat breakfast when you want. Your friend and her husband can go for breakfast at that hotel any time. Just tell them sorry you have to get back early. You are spending the day before with them, so surely it's not a big deal if you can't meet them for breakfast.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 20:53

I’m baffled by so many people suggesting leisurely coffees or leisurely breakfast.

I must be doing something wrong because leisurely and my toddler do not go well together 😂

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/09/2021 20:56

Have lunch on sunday instead.

I can see both sides. No way pre kids would I have dragged myself out of bed on a sunday for an 8am breakfast.

kennycat · 02/09/2021 20:57

I always struggle with the idea of going out for breakfast. I like the idea in principle but unless it's at 7am it's not feasible. We all wake up starving!

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 20:57

I don’t really feel like I’ve decided that anyone should eat in my sons schedule though, particularly not in this situation.

In which case, why mention your toddler needing food early at all? Why not just say you are planning to leave at 9am in order to get home? You made it about your toddler's requirements.

liveforsummer · 02/09/2021 20:58

@Dandy008

I’m baffled by so many people suggesting leisurely coffees or leisurely breakfast.

I must be doing something wrong because leisurely and my toddler do not go well together 😂

Never had much of a problem with this but we never had strict routines. You could have a non leisurely one though. Assume the dinner and breakfast even at your times are unleisurely too though therefore won't matter if coffee is the same.
liveforsummer · 02/09/2021 20:58

@BoredZelda

I don’t really feel like I’ve decided that anyone should eat in my sons schedule though, particularly not in this situation.

In which case, why mention your toddler needing food early at all? Why not just say you are planning to leave at 9am in order to get home? You made it about your toddler's requirements.

And no mention of the cat
Feedingthebirds1 · 02/09/2021 21:06

There are some hard of reading posters on here. The friend is insisting that the OP stays in a hotel that's not as nice, has fewer facilities and is more expensive, just so the friend doesn't have to go out of her way on Sunday morning. If the OP had breakfast in the better and cheaper hotel then drove to the other to join her friend, she would have to drive for 30 minutes in the opposite direction to home, then another 30 minutes added to the drive home. A 30 minute drive that the friend, who lives locally, says is too far for her.

OP just can the idea of breakfast with her and do the morning your way. I may be a cynic, but I have a very strong suspicion that even if you gave in and agreed to breakfast at 10.30, or even more so if you 'compromised' on 10.00, she wouldn't get there on time anyway.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 21:07

@BoredZelda

I don’t really feel like I’ve decided that anyone should eat in my sons schedule though, particularly not in this situation.

In which case, why mention your toddler needing food early at all? Why not just say you are planning to leave at 9am in order to get home? You made it about your toddler's requirements.

@BoredZelda

Here’s my Op, here is what I said -

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

OP posts:
Blueeilidh · 02/09/2021 21:14

I don't really get why this is a problem, just tell her meeting up for a late breakfast won't work as you need to get back, maybe another time. Then just enjoy the Saturday together and do your own thing on the Sunday.

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 21:15

Here’s my Op, here is what I said -

Uhuh. I read that. My question was, why even mention when your DS needs to eat? Why not just say you are leaving early?

Staffy1 · 02/09/2021 21:17

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day

Just do this and be done with it. Meeting up for breakfast was an after thought and suggested by her, not you, so if they can’t meet at the earlier time that suits you, just say no, let’s forget about breakfast.

Alwaysfuckingsick · 02/09/2021 21:22

So she suggests 10.30, her compromise is 10, a whole 30 minutes difference, she won't drive 30 minutes to a different hotel either, but you have a son who usually eats at 7, you're willing to compromise an extra hour still, more than her because she can't be arsed to get out of bed a bit earlier ONE DAY and you're the difficult one? 😅 nah, out of principle I would book the other hotel and just not do breakfast, you're seeing her the day before and it's easy for everyone to say you have to compromise and that life doesn't revolve around your child but if this friend wants to meet up then she would make a bit more effort, after all the world doesn't revolve around her either does it??

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/09/2021 21:23

And you’re friends because?

KaptanKatanga · 02/09/2021 21:26

"She said she would offer for us to stay over at hers but doesn’t want to get up early / be disturbed by DS."

Wtf? What kind of a friend is this?! And you're obliging by visiting her by staying in a hotel! I would not even consider this person as a "friend". Just say sorry I can't let DC wait that long and we'll be leaving by 9:30. See ya ( in another life)! I'd you reaaaly want to accommodate this unreasonable woman, say she can come for instant coffee in your room at 9.

KaptanKatanga · 02/09/2021 21:28

If, not I'd

Kassalah · 02/09/2021 21:28

Don't try to arrange to see them on Sunday morning - you'll probably all have had enough of each other on Saturday anyway, in reality.

TakeMe2Insanity · 02/09/2021 21:33

Really feeling for you OP, it sounds like you are going round in circles both with your friend and the thread.

We travelled a lot when dc was a toddler, a bloody pain when they want an early breakfast but you want to postpone until later as bizarrely hotels don’t let you go in feed your small child and then go back with friends.

Personally I’d stay at the cheaper hotel with swimming pool and say you can meet at the half way location or not. You’ve compromised a lot and regardless of child or no child 10:30 is late for breakfast.

BritishSummertime · 02/09/2021 21:33

@Blueeilidh

I don't really get why this is a problem, just tell her meeting up for a late breakfast won't work as you need to get back, maybe another time. Then just enjoy the Saturday together and do your own thing on the Sunday.
The OP did & her friend accused her of being difficult!
Paq · 02/09/2021 21:36

Have you actually picked up the phone to talk to her today? It's too much to do it all by text messaging.

YANBU by the way.

Zeldaaa · 02/09/2021 21:38

Just tell your friend that’s too late as you need to leave earlier to collect your cat. Agree with others, it’s not really about the time your son eats (he can have breakfast at his usual time, and then have a snack later), it seems to be more about that having the later breakfast means you’re not comfortable with leaving your cat for so long.

Book the cheaper hotel with the better facilities. If your friend really wants to meet you for breakfast then I’m sure she can drive the 30 minutes to see you before you leave.

Cottagepieandpeas · 02/09/2021 21:38

@ThePlumVan

I can’t be bothered to read 18 pages about a breakfast.

A 2 hour drive does not justify a hotel stay.

How odd.

Does a hotel stay have to be justified?
Bexxe · 02/09/2021 21:40

Your saying she’s unreasonable for not having breakfast at 8am (which is actually very early to meet a friend for breakfast, I’m pretty sure most places by me wouldn’t even open until 9) and she thinks your unreasonable for not hanging on until later.

I think your both right, your life revolves around DC of course - however hers doesn’t. She doesn’t have a child to have to get up at 6am and if you can’t come to a comfortable middle then skip breakfast. You can’t expect her to fit around your timescale and visa versa. I think your both being difficult and expecting the other to bend over to suit your need. No one is right or wrong here

BadNomad · 02/09/2021 21:42

Tell her you'll have to skip the breakfast meet-up this time unfortunately. You need to get home for lunch, it's a 2 hour drive and you have to collect the cat on the way.

No one is being difficult. You just have different lives and routines now.