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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Dangermouse5 · 02/09/2021 19:23

I don't know why PP are suggesting OP books the hotel she wants hangs around and then meets her friend??

The hotel with pool is 30 mins drive away towards OPs home, and friend refuses to drive it "as too far away"

Despite the fact it's be half hour drive in wrong direction after hanging around for 3 hours, then driving 2 hours home. Nope. It doesn't work out well for a tired toddler and tired parents who are only staying over to make the journey easier for themselves

I vote nice hotel with pool, have your breakfast in peace with toddler and DP and drive home on Sunday.

Friend is seeing you Saturday and now invited herself to your dinner at 5pm and also wants you to hang around to eat again with you Sunday breakfast but at a time that's not workable for your child??

She will probably see how tricky it is with a toddler when you spend sat together and regret her text so don't bite but say no thanks .

You don't need to say anything OP than what a PP suggested before , that this is what you are doing and breakfast next day won't work.

Please Don't stay at the rubbish on the main road hotel, stay at the good one with a pool!! ! And Enjoy your breakfast here OP with your little family. Thats what makes a hotel brilliant-No clearing up and waiter service with a hot meal for you each!! Smile

I'd suggest you go for eggs Benedict .. yum...

Xtraincome · 02/09/2021 19:26

I would stay clear of doing breakfast at 8am then again at 10.30 as your 18mo will be fed up with 2 sittings in the space of a few hours.

Is there no other reason to be going that distance to that hotel for breakfast with this friend? Can you not meet her for lunch instead?

It sounds like a pain in the bum either way. Just skip it entirely and save your money if there's nothing else there but a hotel and brunch with an annoying friend.

MerryHellbreakingloose · 02/09/2021 19:27

@Iwonder08

OP, I don't understand. What prevents you from feeding your son in a hotel room when he wakes up? Surely yogurt, banana, croissant type of things would do? Then you can go and have a nice breakfast with your friend at 10 am. I have a toddler and I can see why she is reluctant to meet at 7. 30 for breakfast.
1) because breakfast comes with the room. Why should OP pay for a second breakfast because her friend is insisting on meeting 2) OP wants to get home for her cat 3) there is nothing for OP and toddler to do between waking up and waiting for the friend to arrive 4) the friend is unwilling to compromise, yet the OP is expected to do what the friend wishes to make her life easier
Xtraincome · 02/09/2021 19:27

Sorry arrived late. Missed story development

Hathertonhariden · 02/09/2021 19:30

@Dangermouse5

I don't know why PP are suggesting OP books the hotel she wants hangs around and then meets her friend??

The hotel with pool is 30 mins drive away towards OPs home, and friend refuses to drive it "as too far away"

Despite the fact it's be half hour drive in wrong direction after hanging around for 3 hours, then driving 2 hours home. Nope. It doesn't work out well for a tired toddler and tired parents who are only staying over to make the journey easier for themselves

I vote nice hotel with pool, have your breakfast in peace with toddler and DP and drive home on Sunday.

Friend is seeing you Saturday and now invited herself to your dinner at 5pm and also wants you to hang around to eat again with you Sunday breakfast but at a time that's not workable for your child??

She will probably see how tricky it is with a toddler when you spend sat together and regret her text so don't bite but say no thanks .

You don't need to say anything OP than what a PP suggested before , that this is what you are doing and breakfast next day won't work.

Please Don't stay at the rubbish on the main road hotel, stay at the good one with a pool!! ! And Enjoy your breakfast here OP with your little family. Thats what makes a hotel brilliant-No clearing up and waiter service with a hot meal for you each!! Smile

I'd suggest you go for eggs Benedict .. yum...

This. It's really unreasonable for her to delay your departure and add an hour to your travelling time because she wants to go to her regular breakfast spot.

If she was happy to meet half way between her home and the cheaper hotel for coffee/brunch (who can really object to a 15min drive?) I'd go for that, but I suspect she was just using your visit as an excuse to get her favourite hotel breakfast.

Pinkcadillac · 02/09/2021 19:32

@Sandinmyknickers

You seem to be thinking that you are "bending over backwards " to accommodate her but reading the drip feed of your posts, I can see how she could interpret it... I.e. you've said you're coming to a safari park near her (didn't invite her), but she thought it would be a great opportunity to catch up so suggested coming along, and also suggested going for dinner with you at 5pm, so essentially spending her entire Saturday accommodating your 'family ' schedule to make an effort to see you...then when she suggested breakfast/brunch, a more adult catch up, the next day before you go back (albeit at a convenient hotel for her), you've gone "sorry..toddler...sorry...cat...sorry want to be home very early"

I'm not saying she's right, but it also sounds like she is being accommodating to you on the Saturday as she really wants to see you. I'm not sure quite how you are "bending over backwards" for her, and I can see how she might feel like you're just tacking her on to a trip you'd already planned to do anyway, and refusing to make any additional effort beyond her conforming to your Saturday plans or not seeing you at all...maybe she thinks she's already making all the effort?

I agree
stayathomer · 02/09/2021 19:32

Sorry arrived late. Missed story development
Grab a cuppa and start from the start!

2bazookas · 02/09/2021 19:32

Tell friend you will be staying at the hotel of your choice and eating breakfast there at your usual time. You will come to her house at 10.30 for a quick coffee while DH takes the baby for a walk.

Bucanarab · 02/09/2021 19:32

Breakfast really is an adult thing.

🤣🤣🤣 That's got to be the most ridiculous statement I've seen on mumsnet.

Breakfast is for adults don't you know! 🤣🤣🤣

UserOfManyNames · 02/09/2021 19:36

I don’t get why your friend didn’t invite you to stay over at hers for the night unless she only lives in a one bed but that’s by the by.

There’s no way I would book a hotel for the night with a toddler and all the crap they need if I was only going somewhere 2 hours away. I’d rather go home even if it was later in the evening. Toddler could sleep in the car but that’s me.

I wouldn’t not eat breakfast at the hotel just because I was meeting someone at 10.30. I’d have a light breakfast at 7.30-8, fed toddler obviously, then met for coffee and pastries or something then. I also wouldn’t expect someone to meet me earlier than that on a Sunday morning.

thebeatingofthedrums · 02/09/2021 19:39

Why can't you and DS have breakfast at 8am, then watch cartoons and do the packing, in time to meet your friend for a coffee at 10am?

Why do you have to leave so early if it's only a two-hour drive? Is it because you'd miss DS's fixed lunchtime?

PilatesPeach · 02/09/2021 19:42

Selfish selfish friend - she wants you nearer her at a not so nice hotel so she does not have to travel but cannot shift herself to have breakfast at a reasonable time just the once when you have made the effort to travel and you have a toddler - sorry OP what a selfish cow. I just could not be friends with someone like that

Beautiful3 · 02/09/2021 19:46

Just stick to seeing her on Saturday, forget the Sunday. Explain that you have to leave early to collect the cat from the cattery.

Dancingonmoonlight · 02/09/2021 19:47

Book the cheaper hotel with the pool.

Go for breakfast as a family when it suits you/your son.

Offer to meet her and her husband at a coffee shop for brunch/a cake/whatever. Go in the pool until it's meet up time.

If she doesn't like this idea, don't meet her on the Sunday.

This.....!!!

I think, even though she said otherwise, that in her mind, she is doing the safari park for you.

I wouldn't get into the 'unreasonable' type texts with her. You'll see her on the Saturday, spend the whole day with her and that is plenty.

Dangermouse5 · 02/09/2021 19:48

@2bazookas

Tell friend you will be staying at the hotel of your choice and eating breakfast there at your usual time. You will come to her house at 10.30 for a quick coffee while DH takes the baby for a walk.
What part of didn't RTFT or at least read OPs comments is difficult for PPs to understand

She does not want to drive back to her friends house half hour in the wrong direction to them drive home again? Nor does OP want to hang around for 3 hours waiting for friend to get up. They want to set off early. Breakfast won't work as op and her child eat breakfast early and there is no need to meet up again having spent all of Saturday day time together, AND sat dinner

It doesn't work and there's no need

Coffeepot72 · 02/09/2021 19:49

I agree with the posters who suggest that Sunday breakfast just isn’t going to work.

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 02/09/2021 19:50

@Bucanarab

Breakfast really is an adult thing.

🤣🤣🤣 That's got to be the most ridiculous statement I've seen on mumsnet.

Breakfast is for adults don't you know! 🤣🤣🤣

This has been my favourite part of the entire thread.

Best tell my 5 year olds there’s no more breakfast until they reach adulthood 🤣

Maskless · 02/09/2021 19:51

JFC

Have your early breakfast at the hotel then meet them afterwards in a cafe or pub, they can have drinks and a sandwich or cake and you can just have drinks.

FruityBun · 02/09/2021 19:52

I think your friend’s DH could be the culprit here.
Maybe he doesn’t want to come to breakfast and is setting silly conditions behind the scenes in the hope it will be called off.

Moon22 · 02/09/2021 19:54

Give your child breakfast when you want, then meet your mates at a time that suits everyone. You could just have coffee and/or cake while your friend orders her breakfast/brunch if you want to eat earlier in hotel? Get your husband to drive and enjoy a little breakfast cocktail with your friend maybe?
Don't fall out over it, life's too short. Neither are being unreasonable really, just wanting to do what suits them. Meet in the middle if you can and have a lovely time!

JustJustWhy · 02/09/2021 19:56

Definitely sounds like she's anticipating a hangover.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2021 19:57

"10am is the best they can do when you're staying locally ??"

10am is pretty early to be somewhere on a Saturday. It means heading out probably at 9.30 and getting up an hour before that unless you're one of those people who can just get out of bed and go.

itsgettingwierd · 02/09/2021 20:02

If we stay at the cheaper hotel I am definitely not going back to the other hotel to accommodate her, especially when she’s refused to come to the other hotel because it’s too far for her.

I will suggest a meet up inbetween the two hotels.

I was going suggest this.

Just say that there is nothing at the closer hotel for ds and it's more expensive. And in order to accommodate her not being able to do before 10am you're going to book the cheaper hotel with things to do and then you can meet half way between the 2 so everyone is compromising.

She'll either then ah e to come back and basically say she refuses to compromise or agree to compromise.

If she refuses you can then say as she's refusing to compromise you'll have to forget breakfast.

Ps. I've not read further than this si if spoliation been found by the time to get to this post - sorry!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 02/09/2021 20:03

I wouldn't expect people to meet at 8 for breakfast. If I was going to have a full English/breakfast buffet I'd rather have it at 10 myself. I'd take some milk, cereal and a plastic bowl/spoon and give DS his breakfast in the bedroom. He can then have a few bits at the breakfast table.

I think your friend is being unreasonable to suggest your toddler can wait til 10 (even if she's not got children, not hard to work that out!), but I do think you are making it more difficult than it needs to be, sorry

Cuddlemonsters · 02/09/2021 20:04

Could you not take some cereal bars and fruit for your son and do brunch together later?

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