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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 02/09/2021 18:56

Lazy Sunday mornings are long gone for parents!

You don't think this sounds just a tad sanctimonious?

whatbigfeet · 02/09/2021 18:58

If you're going out with them on the Saturday then don't bother staying over and just drive home. It's only two hours!

Tiana4 · 02/09/2021 19:00

whatbigfeet
Because most toddlers and young DCs wake up early at 5-6am

If you have young DCs and they lay in bed til 9.30am, I'd suggest you have very unusual DCs or that you let them stay up ridiculously late for bed. All of my DCs naturally woke up at 5 am every morning until they started school!

Once they hit teens fair enough a 10am breakfast on a Sunday will be too early. I suspect a midday one is too Grin

Tiana4 · 02/09/2021 19:01

@bringincrazyback

Lazy Sunday mornings are long gone for parents!

You don't think this sounds just a tad sanctimonious?

No at all. It sounds accurate. And well said.
Jumpingintosummer · 02/09/2021 19:01

*@Pinkcadillac

We’re meeting at the safari park, taking a picnic for lunch.

My friend asked what we were doing for dinner.
I told her we’d seen a few places close by so are going to book one of those and go around 5ish.

She’s said she will come with us.

It wasn’t really an invitation but she wants to come, she hasn’t tried to change the time or anything*

That shows compassion and understanding. 8am is far too early for breakfast out for the majority of people. Couldn’t you offer half way?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 02/09/2021 19:02

Those suggesting OP has breakfast early with child then meet friend - at friends leisure, after sleeping in her own bed who will not the have a long drive home - for a jolly second breakfast ... what do you suggest she does to keep DS happy and occupied at the table? Depending on how long they have been waiting around even a device may not be sufficient if he's getting fidgety by then.

OP your friend is being selfish. As much as an 8am breakfast wouldn't be my preference, if it's to spend some more time with a mate who had come all that way I'd do it. Coz you know, I'm happy to meet in the middle on these things as I'm not a selfish knob.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 02/09/2021 19:03

Agree at a push to meet for a walk and coffee instead so DS can run off some energy and maybe sleep on drive home.

I think you sound like a nice friend .

LopsidedWombat · 02/09/2021 19:04

How far from her is the cheaper hotel? Very cheeky to suggest you're being difficult and cannot imagine saying that to a friend! I'd say skip plan to have breakfast together and she's either happy to come to your hotel for a cup of tea at X time before you leave or she isn't, fine either way. I'd not want breakfast at 7-8am either but I'd not expect my friends to rearrange their morning because of the fact!

Tiana4 · 02/09/2021 19:05

Re how to make porridge in a hotel room a PP said
Use one of those pots that you add hot water to.

Have you tried to feed a toddler porridge? Or any food?

It gets messy.
In a hotel bedroom?
Yuk

Sandinmyknickers · 02/09/2021 19:06

You seem to be thinking that you are "bending over backwards " to accommodate her but reading the drip feed of your posts, I can see how she could interpret it...
I.e. you've said you're coming to a safari park near her (didn't invite her), but she thought it would be a great opportunity to catch up so suggested coming along, and also suggested going for dinner with you at 5pm, so essentially spending her entire Saturday accommodating your 'family ' schedule to make an effort to see you...then when she suggested breakfast/brunch, a more adult catch up, the next day before you go back (albeit at a convenient hotel for her), you've gone "sorry..toddler...sorry...cat...sorry want to be home very early"

I'm not saying she's right, but it also sounds like she is being accommodating to you on the Saturday as she really wants to see you. I'm not sure quite how you are "bending over backwards" for her, and I can see how she might feel like you're just tacking her on to a trip you'd already planned to do anyway, and refusing to make any additional effort beyond her conforming to your Saturday plans or not seeing you at all...maybe she thinks she's already making all the effort?

Leftbutcameback · 02/09/2021 19:06

I think I would just message the friend back and say seeing as we're going to spend the day together and have dinner on Saturday, and struggling to agree time for breakfast, then it's not a problem not to meet and we'll just head straight home.

Neither of you are necessarily right or wrong, it just doesn't work out. Hopefully your friend will realise there's no need to fall out over and you can emphasize that you're really looking forward to spending the day together.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 19:06

@LopsidedWombat

The cheaper hotel (with pool) is 30 minutes away from my friend.
Actually it’s 34… to be exact.

OP posts:
tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 02/09/2021 19:07

OP why not suggest you rock up at hers for breakfast at 9ish!! Grin

boomboom1234 · 02/09/2021 19:08

Just reply and say you don't see that you are being difficult you are just trying to plan it so everyone is happy. Tell her you are booking the hotel with the pool and if she wants to meet for breakfast she is welcome to join you there at 10:30. You plan to leave by 11:30/12 at the latest. End of.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 02/09/2021 19:09

I find many people without kids don't understand a kid schedule.

My sil lives a couple of hours away. We arranged to meet in blackpool for the day with her and her husband then go back to their city where we would get a hotel (we are never invited to stay over night at theirs).

They were late meeting us in blackpool causing us to sort of hang around a bit and not fully get into anything (think 90 mins late) they stopped a little more than an hour then said they were going home as bil had a bad back, we were meant to be stopping to watch the illuminations and eat together.

Next day was worse. Told us we could meet them at 12.30 so we could go for lunch. Our hotel didn't do breakfast and was city centre and check out was 10am. It was a Sunday so nothing open and there was nothing to do.

We got pastries from a sainsburys local and ate them on the high street. We messaged asking what they were up to and told they were at the gum so at about 10.30 we were outside their flat thinking we could watch for them arriving home from the gym and they wouldn't mind us (and their dn's about 6/7 yrs old) waiting at theirs until they wanted to go for lunch at 12.30. We waited outside their flat for over an hour and no sign of them coming home so we rang her and she had been home the whole time! They had no thought or consideration that we and our children would have nothing to do for 2.5 hours on a Sunday morning.

It was our last time visiting them.

Iwonder08 · 02/09/2021 19:10

OP, I don't understand. What prevents you from feeding your son in a hotel room when he wakes up? Surely yogurt, banana, croissant type of things would do? Then you can go and have a nice breakfast with your friend at 10 am. I have a toddler and I can see why she is reluctant to meet at 7. 30 for breakfast.

QueenHofScotland · 02/09/2021 19:11

Why don’t you have breakfast at the hotel and then head to her house for a coffee before you leave to go hone

superstar84 · 02/09/2021 19:12

Book the cheaper hotel with pool

Tell her that you aren't being difficult and understand she wants a lie in on Sunday so just stick to the plans on Saturday and don't meet up on Sunday

You can get up early, have breakfast and a play in the pool and she gets to enjoy her lie in

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2021 19:12

@Tiana4

Re how to make porridge in a hotel room a PP said Use one of those pots that you add hot water to.

Have you tried to feed a toddler porridge? Or any food?

It gets messy.
In a hotel bedroom?
Yuk

PP asked a question so I answered.

It wouldn't be my breakfast of choice in a hotel room but some may choose to (I'd probably give mine a banana and some kind of cereal bar to tide them over until a bit later)

Window1 · 02/09/2021 19:15

[quote Dandy008]@TakeYourFinalPosition

I don’t think 10:30 is an unusual time to meet a friend for breakfast, it’s the standard time my friends meet for breakfast, kids or no kids.

I’d probably do the same thing at home.
I could give DS his breakfast then we’d head out and he’d have a snack / toast when we go out.

It’s the issue of us not being at home. If DS has breakfast at his usual time, we’ve then got to take him back up to a hotel room and entertain him for a few hours until our friends come at 10.30.

The hotel shes suggested isn’t close to a park and unless we just go for a walk along the main road (which DS hates being in his pram most of the time) then there’s nothing to do.

Funnily enough, the cheaper hotel actually has a gym with a pool, so if we stayed there we could take DS swimming until our friends arrive.

That hotel is 30 minutes away from them which she’s said is too far for them.[/quote]
Just stay at that hotel. You're compromising enough for the day out so do what suits you.

I'd even be tempted to ditch the hotel room and just head home after the day out.

Leftbutcameback · 02/09/2021 19:15

Also if I was planning on meeting someone that late I would call it brunch so they would know what to expect! I don't have kids and would struggle with too early, but 9am would be ok especially if I'd eaten so early the night before. I'd be starving!

Janaih · 02/09/2021 19:16

Oh yes I can't see any problem with feeding a toddler gruel when he's used to eating porridge with full fat milk. That will really put him in a good mood for brunch.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 02/09/2021 19:16

Queen good suggestion.

It's all very well getting up and doing early kiddie breakfast then adult one later but if the weather is bad you're potentially confined to a small room in the time in between and as many of us know those of the moments when you will never have enough of their toys/books to keep them occupied. You'll all be a ready to kill each other by the time adult breakfast come round Confused

Pinkcadillac · 02/09/2021 19:17

Your friend is probably going out on Saturday night, after her dinner with you at 5pm.

Why would she suggest meeting for breakfast on Sunday after a day a the safari park and dinner with you? That's plenty of time to catch up.

If meeting her at 10 is out of the question, just tell her that, unfortunately, you need to leave by 9 am. Maybe another time.

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2021 19:20

@Janaih

Oh yes I can't see any problem with feeding a toddler gruel when he's used to eating porridge with full fat milk. That will really put him in a good mood for brunch.
It wouldn't be my choice to feed my children but I answered the question. I also must have missed the post where the OP mentioned how her child likes their porridge to be made.