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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Toria84 · 02/09/2021 18:40

@MaryShelley1818

Who wants to meet up for a nice Sunday brunch at 8am. 10am is a much more reasonable time.

For the adults… not a toddler.. smh… 🙄

Muchmorethan · 02/09/2021 18:40

So currently you are doing all the accommodating... how is she meeting you halfway??

Janaih · 02/09/2021 18:42

The main attraction for OPs friend seems to be breakfast at the specific hotel, the company of OP and family is very much a sideline.
I'm almost tempted to suggest saying fine, breakfast at 10.30am and just stand her up because you've left.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2021 18:43

@daisypond

YANBU. 10.30 for breakfast?
But you expect the childless friend to have breakfast at 7am??? Or was the plan to meet for lunch? OP says she won't pay for brunch so what is friend meant to do?
furbabymama87 · 02/09/2021 18:44

Why don't you just feed him as usual and he can have something small later when you're having breakfast. You are making this into a bigger problem than it needs to be.

JulesCobb · 02/09/2021 18:44

"We will meet you Saturday as planned at X time by... (gate). Sunday meet up for breakfast won't work as DS gets up and eats by 8am. Lazy Sunday mornings are long gone for parents! As I said we will head off early as planned & instead stay at the hotel we want. We can do brunch another time but not this Sunday. I'm sure we'll have time to catch up on Saturday
This.

Or even, ‘that doesnt work for me. I’ll just stick to the arrangements for Saturday’.

bringincrazyback · 02/09/2021 18:45

I don't think anyone is BU here tbh... your morning routines are incompatible so clearly meeting for breakfast is a non-starter.

OP, I did just want to ask whether your friend has any sleep issues that you know of? Just wondered as I have a sleep disorder and tbh after a bad night (or several bad nights) I wouldn't be wanting to make breakfast plans even for 10.30.

MerryHellbreakingloose · 02/09/2021 18:46

@OnlyFantastic

You sound like real hard work op.

Just give the kid a banana and a pot of porridge in the room. Then have breakfast at 10am.

There's no where to go in this area? No parks, no green space, no rivers or coasts or shops or a soft play.

Literally nothing you could do with yourselves until 10am.

Total non issue that you've turned into an issue.

The OP sounds like hard work, and not her friend who is completely unwilling to compromise on anything? Are we reading the same thread?
myrtleWilson · 02/09/2021 18:46

@MolyHolyGuacamole there is activity planned for the Saturday - its all laid out in the OP's posts

Toria84 · 02/09/2021 18:47

@OnlyFantastic

*Have you tried giving a toddler porridge? I wouldn’t dream of giving a toddler porridge in a hotel room 😂*

Er yes, porridge has been a regular food for all of my children since about 10 months 🙄 Is there something particularly difficult about an 18 month old eating in a hotel room?

Regarding the op having 'nothing to do', give over. There's not anywhere in the entire UK where there's 'nothing to do'. Unless you're a particularly helpless or hard of thinking whinger.

Perhaps your DC’s are perfectly tidy eaters.

Mine however at that age were not!

I’ve personally stayed in plenty of hotels where there’s not much nearby and it’s always involved a car ride.

myrtleWilson · 02/09/2021 18:48

sorry @MolyHolyGuacamole - just seen you've seen

SkepticalCat · 02/09/2021 18:48

@OnlyFantastic

*Have you tried giving a toddler porridge? I wouldn’t dream of giving a toddler porridge in a hotel room 😂*

Er yes, porridge has been a regular food for all of my children since about 10 months 🙄 Is there something particularly difficult about an 18 month old eating in a hotel room?

Regarding the op having 'nothing to do', give over. There's not anywhere in the entire UK where there's 'nothing to do'. Unless you're a particularly helpless or hard of thinking whinger.

Yes, but it quite possibly means the OP doing research to see what's around in an unfamiliar area and more travel to get there.

Whereas the other hotel that friend won't travel to has a swimming pool. And is cheaper.

Tiana4 · 02/09/2021 18:48

Ime you have to check out of hotel by 10-10.30am. So there would be nowhere for OP to "hang around" waiting for her friend. And also toddler needs feeding when they are hungry by 6-8am after getting up (as soon as the sun rises!)

Why would OP & her DH go for two breakfasts at the same place (hotel)?! She'll have to have paid for hotel breakfast for herself and her DH to enter hotel restaurant to give toddler his meal. None of it makes sense for OP to do.

I couldn't sit there pay for two breakfasts in one day, and for the first not eat when my toddler eats. I'd be starving smelling all that lovely breakfast stuff. Oooh and the waiter service bringing it to me.... enjoy your leisurely breakfast with DS and DP and eat it when it suits you. Neither toddler nor OP will want to eat again 2-3 hours later waiting for Dfriend at 10.40am to then drive home and give toddler a late lunch at 1.30pm...

I'd bet money on Dfriend oversleeping and turning up late anyway.

Zero chance I'd try to accommodate her wish for a lazy Sunday and for us to hang around 3 hours, by making my toddler son, me and my DP miserable and hangry.

Meh you're seeing her Saturday anyway. No reason to ruin your own Sunday by shenanigans!

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2021 18:49

"You can't expect childless adults to get up at 6.30am on a Sunday to meet you for breakfast at 7am to fit around your toddler hmm*"

If I had something at 7, I'd have to get up at 5am not 6.30!

ArrrMeHearties · 02/09/2021 18:49

Book the hotel with the pool and enjoy your breakfast and pool time with ds. Sod meeting the friend and do your own thing before you go home on the Sunday

myrtleWilson · 02/09/2021 18:49

But only that plan means the OP stays in the hotel without the swimming pool and nearer to the friend. OP & family get up, feed toddler, drive elsewhere to find something to do for a couple of hours, drive back to the hotel for the friend's breakfast at 10.00/10.30.. All because the friend won't drive for 30 minutes in the morning....

Janaih · 02/09/2021 18:50

How is the OP supposed to make porridge in her room? Pack a microwave in her suitcase? Confused

Lollypop701 · 02/09/2021 18:50

You obviously like this person, and are upset about being called difficult. You accept that you didn’t understand parents had timing issues before you had one of your own. for your friend, who can get up late and do what she wants and wants a lie in on a weekend (because she can) all this arrangement is difficult. For her the Saturday is all about your dc, so Sunday can be for adults. She doesn’t understand that unless dc is happy then no one in restaurant will be happy… your own family didn’t!!! If you value your friendship, I’d call her nicely and chat it through. It’s hard to navigate friendship when you are at different points in life, but I’d try and salvage it

BritishSummertime · 02/09/2021 18:50

@afrikat

Wow this thread has given me rage, both for your 'friend' and the people who aren't reading your posts and completely misunderstanding the situation

Me too! I'm not sure if people are being deliberately obtuse, lacking comprehension skills or just not reading properly. "Just meet at 10am, problem solved" "just don't meet her" Confused

@Dandy008 no way would I go to your friend's hotel for a second/late breakfast either, you said you're happy to go home early & not meet up but instead of accepting she insults you!

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2021 18:52

@Janaih

How is the OP supposed to make porridge in her room? Pack a microwave in her suitcase? Confused
Use one of those pots that you add hot water to.
rolyisntittimefor · 02/09/2021 18:53

You're both being a bit literal about it when the obvious thing to do would be to feed toddler as normal and then do "second breakfast" but frankly she's a total arse anyway. 10am is the best they can do when you're staying locally ?? Just head off. Fair enough childless people may want to enjoy their lie in but presumably they can catch up with a Sunday afternoon snooze while you face the motorway with a toddler!!! Not a good friend

GintyMcGinty · 02/09/2021 18:54

Your friend is being quite arsey over this.

I think your original thought of I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day but that would probably be the end of the friendship.

I would just enjoy the day out on Saturday then go your own way, stay in the hotel you want to, eat breakfast when your wee one gets up then home to see your cat.

Toria84 · 02/09/2021 18:54

@MargosKaftan

I dont think you'll look back and cringe at being precious.

I think you'll look back and wonder why you accommodated someone who treated your child as an accessory, not a human.

I look back now mine are well out of the toddler stage and wonder why I spent stressful weekend days letting my dcs fill up on snacks, to keep them going until a meal they wouldn't eat, just so adults who were very precious about their own routines wouldn't have to consider being flexible at all, just to have them tut about why an overtired /already full preschooler isn't nicely eating a meal quietly so you could catch up.

I look back on all those shitty Mondays after a routine went out of the window so normally good sleeping dcs stopped sleeping, and wonder why I made my dc and myself miserable to accommodate people who didn't care enough to flex even a little bit from their own routine for what is a short period of time when doing so would make my life dramatically easier.

THIS…… this with huge bloody bells on!!! Star
whatbigfeet · 02/09/2021 18:55

I wouldn't have a 7am breakfast whether I had kids or not. That means getting up around 6am! Seriously? My family all gets up as late as possible. It doesn't make us lazy. We just live our life at the opposite end of the day.

Tiana4 · 02/09/2021 18:55

"You can't expect childless adults to get up at 6.30am on a Sunday to meet you for breakfast at 7am to fit around your toddler hmm"

OP isn't though. She already suggested a compromise of breakfast at 8am. As they want to set off early and thats
as late as DS will eat. Which is why OP doesn't think it will work!

Who in their right mind would try to feed a toddler porridge (umm how do you what it up in hotel room) in a hotel bedroom where toddler will get it everywhere GrinHmmand why put herself through that??