Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

I think I'd just go to the safari park and then home again. If she wants to meet at the park, fine but otherwise she's being really difficult! I would not try and delay a toddler's meal by 2 hours. That's asking for mega trouble!

OFGS! Take toddler for early breakfast when he's ready and meet friend for brunch at 10am! Solved!

I think your friend is being really difficult here.
She wants you to stay at a specific hotel.
She wants to have breakfast at a specific time. If you're up early I can understand you're not fussed on dossing about for three hours so she gets a lie in.
She won't have you at hers because she doesn't want to be disturbed by your son.
Personally I would change it, go down and see her on sat, spend the day I know you said you had plans for the day and see her for dinner and either head on or have a nice night away as a family.
I know people are saying the world doesn't revolve around your DS but all the same, surely she could get up early for one Sunday!

Just book the hotel with the pool. No toddler is going to want to have breakfast at 8 and then sit down again at 10.30, even if you manage to persuade the hotel to let you in for breakfast twice (unlikely).

Just say it's not going to work and that you will them at the further away hotel for a coffee before you leave if she wants.

I hope by now you have decided that this really just doesn't work for you and she has decided what works for her.

Therefore, you keep the plans for Saturday but just knock breakfast on the head on Sunday and head off back home.

Personally I think 8am is a bit too early (though not for you and I understand why) and 10.30am is far too late. The compromise would have been 9am but she is obviously unwilling to do this. Therefore the breakfast arrangement just doesn't work and needs to be shelved.

Sack the breakfast off, it's logistically too faffy. Plus you'll have seen them all day Saturday. That's plenty.

@Pinkcadillac

What are you doing on Saturday? Just the safari park? Are you also meeting for dinner? What are you doing with your DS then?

I’d stay at the cheap hotel give breakfast ti the toddler in your room at his usual time, have a swim and meet your friend at her preferred place for breakfast at 1. Then go straight home

@Pinkcadillac

We’re meeting at the safari park, taking a picnic for lunch.

My friend asked what we were doing for dinner.
I told her we’d seen a few places close by so are going to book one of those and go around 5ish.

She’s said she will come with us.

It wasn’t really an invitation but she wants to come, she hasn’t tried to change the time or anything.

You sound like real hard work op.

Just give the kid a banana and a pot of porridge in the room. Then have breakfast at 10am.

There's no where to go in this area? No parks, no green space, no rivers or coasts or shops or a soft play.

Literally nothing you could do with yourselves until 10am.

Total non issue that you've turned into an issue.

@Marmite27

If your friend goes to the nearer hotel all the time for breakfast, that means YOU don’t have to be guests to eat there either.

Stay at the cheaper hotel, have breakfast with your DC, go swimming, check out and drive to the closer hotel for brunch at 11am/11:30am before setting off home?

@Marmite27

No, I’m not doing this. Not when she has refused to drive to the cheaper hotel because it’s too far for her (30 minutes from her house)

It means we have to drive 30 minutes to her and it’s in the wrong direction for going home.

I absolutely would do this normally, but not after she’s insisting it’s too far for her to travel that distance.

I didn’t realise there were rules for breakfast times on a Sunday. Best tell my toddler about that one.

Have you replied OP

I'd reply

"We will meet you Saturday as planned at X time by... (gate).
Sunday meet up for breakfast won't work as DS gets up and eats by 8am. Lazy Sunday mornings are long gone for parents!
As I said we will head off early as planned & instead stay at the hotel we want. We can do brunch another time but not this Sunday. I'm sure we'll have time to catch up on Saturday."

Yanbu
But your friend has no-children-adult-blinkers on. Some adults without children 'get it', some don't. Unfortunately your friend doesn't understand children aren't accessories but in their own right very much mini demanding humans with needs and loud voices!

I wouldn't argue with her, I'd just tell her what we were doing and stop trying to fit around someone that doesn't 'get it'.

*Dandy008"
You're ok. Yanbu
Lots of MNers agree with you and suggested you just say no to your friend's extra demands. They don't suit your son's needs nor yours as parents. I find it far easier to say no to friends that don't show any consideration to my DCs , than I do when they inconvenience me. I go quiet polite but firm "tiger mum."

Meh.

Toddler eats. You eat later (or even better - 2nd breakfast).

I think you probably went wrong by making it based around the needs of the toddler - when actually the reason you need to leave is home logistics relating to the cat.

I do remember being very stickler around needs of PFB meal times but really there's no reason DC can't eat before you and is probably better off doing so - a leisurely breakfast with an 18 ?month old is what - 30 mins?! Time for a play after early breakfast and a snack later. I probably wouldn't have mentioned the DC breakfast time - unlikely adults without DC would want a Sunday breakfast at 8am.
So neither of you are really being that U - the comms has gone wrong though.

@Cantsayusername top answer!

Wow this thread has given me rage, both for your 'friend' and the people who aren't reading your posts and completely misunderstanding the situation

At this point I would respond 'sorry you feel that way. We have booked the further away hotel as this works better for us. Let me know if you are still meeting us on Saturday' or something similar. Don't even attempt to compromise any more, she's being horribly selfish

@Cantsayusername

I didn’t realise there were rules for breakfast times on a Sunday. Best tell my toddler about that one.

Have you replied OP

I'd reply

"We will meet you Saturday as planned at X time by... (gate).
Sunday meet up for breakfast won't work as DS gets up and eats by 8am. Lazy Sunday mornings are long gone for parents!
As I said we will head off early as planned & instead stay at the hotel we want. We can do brunch another time but not this Sunday. I'm sure we'll have time to catch up on Saturday."

Yanbu
But your friend has no-children-adult-blinkers on. Some adults without children 'get it', some don't. Unfortunately your friend doesn't understand children aren't accessories but in their own right very much mini demanding humans with needs and loud voices!

I wouldn't argue with her, I'd just tell her what we were doing and stop trying to fit around someone that doesn't 'get it'.

@Cantsayusername has nailed it.

My DC won't wait until 8am for breakfast at the moment

@OnlyFantastic

You sound like real hard work op.

Just give the kid a banana and a pot of porridge in the room. Then have breakfast at 10am.

There's no where to go in this area? No parks, no green space, no rivers or coasts or shops or a soft play.

Literally nothing you could do with yourselves until 10am.

Total non issue that you've turned into an issue.

Have you tried giving a toddler porridge? I wouldn’t dream of giving a toddler porridge in a hotel room 😂

I also wouldn’t ever try to fill 3 hours of mine or my children’s time so that two other people (without children) can enjoy a lazy morning in bed!!

Fucking ridiculous.

Nope sorry. If I’d travelled all that way and booked into a hotel that was more convenient for my friend then I certainly wouldn’t be hanging around for them to roll up to breakfast when it’s only suitable for THEM.

I don’t have friends that would do that and I wouldn’t do that to any of my friends, even before I had kids.

Having kids is hard work so i’d want to make things easier for my friends with kids particularly if I’d not seen them for over a year and they’d driven 2 hours to see me.

I really don't see the big deal. Honestly you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Who wants to meet up for a nice Sunday brunch at 8am. 10am is a much more reasonable time.
Just feed the toddler something small when he gets up, go and enjoy yourselves for a couple of hrs in a park, then nice brunch with friends at 10am. We often do similar (and have a toddler and a baby!).

Op I'm pissed off on your behalf but possibly because I've had it with people always telling me that X, y or z is too early, a lot of faff etc when generally I'm the one travelling to them, having to rearrange stuff, having to run about within a tiny window, pay more etc. Possibly you're both being unreasonable but just ... solidarity!!!

I find it odd to arrange a whole trip around breakfast. Why not lunch the day before then stay over if you want and leave at the crack of dawn? I'd eat breakfast at around 10.30 so I'd never arrange with a friend and have them come all the way to me then have them stay in a hotel without having the discussion. Extra.

@afrikat

Wow this thread has given me rage, both for your 'friend' and the people who aren't reading your posts and completely misunderstanding the situation

At this point I would respond 'sorry you feel that way. We have booked the further away hotel as this works better for us. Let me know if you are still meeting us on Saturday' or something similar. Don't even attempt to compromise any more, she's being horribly selfish

This.

My blood pressure is rising at all the posters who clearly haven't read OP's posts when they say "just feed your toddler breakfast at his normal time, then meet your friends at 10.30".

The OP has explained several times that there is nothing for them to do for three hours at the hotel closer to the friend. No soft play, park etc. The OP has explained its on a busy road.

Whereas the further away hotel has a swimming pool.

But friend won't drive 30 minutes to meet them at further away hotel.

@daisypond

YANBU. 10.30 for breakfast?

Yes? I went to a cafe today that served it until 11.30. Sure it's unreasonable for little ones but you can't see that for some it's totally normal?

I don't think that you sound hard work at all Op.

It would probably work if your husband got up with your son, and just you met your friend.

She's so inflexible though that I wuldn't feel like bothering now.

And if you want to be away by 10 anyway...

Oh haha I've seen the updates about the day out being before. Just skip breakfast then! Clearly you're not on the same page.

And sorry to all those whose annoyance I've added to! I reply to the comment i see, not scroll all the way first

@Cantsayusername

But your friend has no-children-adult-blinkers on. Some adults without children 'get it', some don't. Unfortunately your friend doesn't understand children aren't accessories but in their own right very much mini demanding humans with needs and loud voices!

Think that’s has to be the best comment on this thread.

You can’t just expect a toddler to eat later, sit around for 3 hours and then be plonked in a high chair whilst the adults all have a “leisurely” breakfast and a chat.

If I meet my friends who don’t have kids, I usually meet them on my own.

Simply because I wouldn’t expect my (child free) friends to want to accommodate my child by doing something child friendly, but I also wouldn’t expect my child to accommodate my (child free) friends by doing something that’s not child friendly!

If we do ever involve our kids then we are quite flexible and so are our friends.

Have you tried giving a toddler porridge?
I wouldn’t dream of giving a toddler porridge in a hotel room 😂

Er yes, porridge has been a regular food for all of my children since about 10 months 🙄 Is there something particularly difficult about an 18 month old eating in a hotel room?

Regarding the op having 'nothing to do', give over. There's not anywhere in the entire UK where there's 'nothing to do'. Unless you're a particularly helpless or hard of thinking whinger.