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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 02/09/2021 16:46

OP - I've just seen your friend expects you to hang around for 4 hours in a hotel room.

Having a 3 year old DNephew this would drive them around the bend too - entertaining a young child! Is there anything where you are staying that he could be taken to? I appreciate it is early.

Would softplay be suitable? Playground?

ShutUpaYourFace · 02/09/2021 16:48

I think your friend is being unreasonable.
She is being difficult.
Tell her 9am for breakfast, if she can't be arsed to get out of bed then say sorry we have to forget breakfast.
Duck all those saying the world doesn't revolve around your toddler. Your toddler is the most important, and no one will enjoy eating with a grumpy toddler, especially you.
Book the hotel with the pool enjoy your family time, just see the lazy cow on Saturday!

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 02/09/2021 16:48

Stay at the hotel you’d prefer.
Have breakfast at the time that suits you.
Offer to pop into hers for a quick coffee on your way home at about 9 (compromise time).

Gonnagetgoing · 02/09/2021 16:48

It seems as you are in a tussle with her and I can sort of see her reasoning - she doesn't have DC so she doesn't see why she should put herself out.

You're dealing with a 18 month old and up early plus the 2 hour drive so of course you don't want to delay his breakfast etc

Susannahmoody · 02/09/2021 16:49

How do people have time for this shit?

Smackthepony · 02/09/2021 16:52

Your friend sounds a bit ‘my way or the highway’! This was your day out for the LO, NOT specifically To see your friend. She has inserted herself into your plans, asked you to change them (hotel) then when you expect her to fit in with YOUR original plans (early departure). she calls YOU difficult! Granted it is nice to kill 2 birds with one stone so meeting up with your friend makes sense but not the breakfast thing. I don’t think it’s precious to fit in around a toddler, they are only little for a short time and upsetting their routine can make for a thoroughly miserable time for all. I think your suggestion of staying in the cheaper hotel (with facilities and pool) and skipping the Sunday breakfast meet-up is a fair compromise. Your ‘friend’ and her precious husband are the difficult ones.

QueenBee52 · 02/09/2021 16:52

@Susannahmoody

How do people have time for this shit?

🤣😂

DoYouWantDecking · 02/09/2021 16:55

The friend wants it all!

Wants OP to come and visit (2 hours drive)
Stay near them in a lesser quality hotel
Pay more for the hotel they didn't choose
Wait 3 hours in a shitty location with nothing to do while they just "lie in"

Friend is not prepared to:
Drive for 30 minutes to see OP
Change their breakfast time at all
Or just leave it gracefully

OP has suggested just meeting on the Saturday and is being called unreasonable. Ridiculous!

CousinKrispy · 02/09/2021 16:56

You know, the toddler is almost irrelevant here (sorry, toddler!). You want to get an early start on the road so you don't have to feel pressured and can pick up your 18 year old cat in good time from the cattery. You don't want to be faffing about all day. That's not you being "precious" about toddler's mealtime, that's you planning how you want your trip to go!

I'd just tell your friend that you're looking forward to seeing them on Saturday, but won't be able to meet for breakfast after all as you've decided you really need to make an early start back home. Then book whatever hotel you want.

CannaeRemember · 02/09/2021 16:56

Driving 30 minutes to see you is buggar all, so if your friend can't be arsed then just knock breakfast on the head. Not worth the aggro.

FreyaonFire · 02/09/2021 16:57

You're already making a big effort by driving a 4-hour round trip to see her. And booking and paying for a hotel. That's near her place. I'm not sure you need to make any more concessions, or you'll just end up feeling frustrated and pee'd off. An 18-month old is not going to just chill in a hotel room and eat breakfast more than 3 hours after his normal time. Time for her to be flexible, after all she has no constraints, other than maybe not being an early riser. If she can't be flexible, I'd really just skip the breakfast. Do what's best for you and your family.

RowanAlong · 02/09/2021 17:00

She’s being unreasonable. Enjoy your hotel breakfast at whatever time suits you as a family, then arrange to meet her afterwards somewhere where she can get breakfast (brunch) if she wants it. Though I would totally text that message about her husband having to eat early for a change! They don’t get it as they don’t have a toddler.

doadeer · 02/09/2021 17:03

I would just meet her for a coffee and you all enjoy an early breakfast with your toddler. She's being really hard work.

diddl · 02/09/2021 17:03

Stay at the hotel that you prefer or don't stay over at all would be the best choices I think.

FreyaonFire · 02/09/2021 17:05

DoYouWantDecking

The friend wants it all!

Wants OP to come and visit (2 hours drive)
Stay near them in a lesser quality hotel
Pay more for the hotel they didn't choose
Wait 3 hours in a shitty location with nothing to do while they just "lie in"

Friend is not prepared to:
Drive for 30 minutes to see OP
Change their breakfast time at all
Or just leave it gracefully

OP has suggested just meeting on the Saturday and is being called unreasonable. Ridiculous!

100 per cent this.

StringersBell · 02/09/2021 17:08

Agree with PPs that bringing your DA into this has muddied the waters completely. It’s irrelevant really, the point is that you want to go home early (for valid reasons!) and she wants to meet you later. I know she’s got your back up but honestly, if you want to still meet/be friends just reply saying DS’ breakfast isn’t really the issue, it’s that you want to be on the road by x-time. Understand that’s too early for you, oh well, we will see you Saturday still blah blah.

StringersBell · 02/09/2021 17:08

DS!

Mooda · 02/09/2021 17:09

Yep DoYouWantDecking you have nailed it and have a quality user name to boot!

OP YANBU and your 'friend' is being ridiculous.

PegasusReturns · 02/09/2021 17:10

@Dandy008

Yes I’ve read your thread and no it’s not clear what you want other than to whinge about a friend. As another poster said: who has time for this shit?!

You don’t seem fussed about seeing her on the Sunday so don’t. But I don’t think she’s being unreasonable in suggesting breakfast at 10.

garlictwist · 02/09/2021 17:10

She is BU! I don't have kids and I think 1030 is ludicrously late for breakfast. I sometimes have my lunch by then Blush.

gogohm · 02/09/2021 17:10

Have breakfast and meet her for coffee afterwards. I wouldn't be eating a big breakfast at 8am either - 9/9.30 am is a reasonable time to be honest if you wanted to compromise - just take a cereal bar to keep your lo going

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 17:14

[quote PegasusReturns]@Dandy008

Yes I’ve read your thread and no it’s not clear what you want other than to whinge about a friend. As another poster said: who has time for this shit?!

You don’t seem fussed about seeing her on the Sunday so don’t. But I don’t think she’s being unreasonable in suggesting breakfast at 10.[/quote]
@PegasusReturns

It’s not that I don’t want to see my friend, but I feel like I’m already bending over backwards trying to accommodate her, whilst she’s not tried to accommodate me at all, not even in the slightest.

Then …. She has the cheek to tell me I’m being difficult. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d probably be mush less ticked off about this had she not called me difficult.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 02/09/2021 17:16

I'd just have breakfast, a bit of fresh air for your little one and then head home.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 02/09/2021 17:17

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

Stay at the hotel you’d prefer. Have breakfast at the time that suits you. Offer to pop into hers for a quick coffee on your way home at about 9 (compromise time).
This is the best idea! Stay where you want, use the pool as a reason. Stop at hers or meet for a coffee. Nothing at all awkward about not wanting 3 hours in a hotel room with a bored toddler. If she really wants to see you she’ll get her arse out of bed for 9! Presumably she manages to get to work on time?!
Pinkcadillac · 02/09/2021 17:18

What are you doing on Saturday? Just the safari park? Are you also meeting for dinner? What are you doing with your DS then?

I’d stay at the cheap hotel give breakfast ti the toddler in your room at his usual time, have a swim and meet your friend at her preferred place for breakfast at 1. Then go straight home

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