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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:

Turquoisesea · 02/09/2021 16:10

And I agree with a PP the issue isn’t really the breakfast it’s that you’ve got to leave early so no point mentioning your DS mealtimes as that’s not really the issue.

SeaToSki · 02/09/2021 16:12

Text back

Thats a pity, it looks like it just wont work then

And just meet her on the Sat and book the better hotel with the pool

You cant reason with unreasonable

phishy · 02/09/2021 16:13

I think you’ve massively overthought and over complicated this by bringing your son’s mealtimes into it when it doesn’t sound like that’s really anything to do with it. The issue is that you want to head home early on Sunday, earlier than your friend is willing to be up, so breakfast is a no-go. That’s all that really needed to be said on the matter.

This. It’s a lot of fuss over nothing. Just say we’re heading home at 8am so not possible to meet.

ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 16:13

@Beautiful3

You can't tell a toddler, no breakfast until later!!! 1030 is ridiculously late! I would book the cheaper hotel and have your breakfast when suits you and your child. Meet your friend for a drink.

Why would you? Honestly, why do people have to overcomplicate like this. Feed the child early, eat breakfast with your friends at a normal sunday breakfast time like 10am. There is no issue here unless people make one.

Atalune · 02/09/2021 16:13

Just tell your friend. That’s a shame it’s not going to work out for breakfast. We can have a nice day at the safari park though

Atalune · 02/09/2021 16:14

Also stay at the hotel you choose. Not the one she’s chosen!!

Crazy.

maddy68 · 02/09/2021 16:14

I would say that to meet friends for breakfast at 10;30 is perfect. Just above some Weetabix into your child before meeting them

Hemingwaycat · 02/09/2021 16:16

Well of course an 18 month old can’t wait 3 hours for breakfast but I can’t see any reason why you can’t have a light breakfast when he has his then have brunch with your friend at 10am.

PheasantsNest · 02/09/2021 16:16

You sound very regimented in your routine. Nobody without children wants to get up early on a Sunday morning for breakfast.

sandragreen · 02/09/2021 16:17

I would tell her you have decided to set off early after breakfast (at the other hotel that's cheaper) to make things simpler.

I don't see this as a big deal - you will have spent all day with them the day before.

If she kicks off just don't bother with them again.

Excelthetube · 02/09/2021 16:19

You both sound insanely hard work, obviously for very different reasons…but perhaps that’s why you’re friends!!

diddl · 02/09/2021 16:19

@BungleandGeorge

Couldn’t you just pop into their house for a coffee before you leave? Most hotels are packing away the breakfast at 10.30, that’s a late breakfast if you’ve gone to bed at a normal time!

Sounds as if Op is already doing enough!

She has booked a hotel that's not especially convenient for her, it's close to her friend as requested by the friend, but her friend can't even get her arse there before 10!

PegasusReturns · 02/09/2021 16:21

I think you’ll cringe at the preciousness of this in a few years.

Just feed your DS a snack when he wakes up, either in room or out and about, then meet your friend at 10, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable time for breakfast on a Sunday.

Expecting adults to meet you for breakfast at 8am on a Sunday is ridiculous 😂

midsomermurderess · 02/09/2021 16:22

So many people on this site have ghastly friends, so much squabbling and upbraiding and sneering and hurting goes on. It's a bit odd.

bananafish · 02/09/2021 16:23

Frankly, I suspect you'll have had enough of them by Saturday evening and meeting up, again, on the Sunday is just going to be a chore.

Book the cheaper option and just tell her again that your plans have changed so won't be able to meet up on sun, but you're really looking forward to seeing her at the safari park.

Have a nice, relaxed, family Sun morning and you can be on your way when it suits you, without any of this faffing around.

Gonnagetgoing · 02/09/2021 16:23

Can't you compromise and say 9-9.30am?

Original poster

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 16:24

@chesirecat99

She was the one who then suggested a hotel by her because she likes their breakfast and it would be close for them to come and join us for breakfast.

So was a plan made to meet for breakfast and she insisted you stay nearby as she didn't want to travel 30 mins to the other hotel, as your OP says? Or was there no plan for breakfast until she suggested you stay near them because the hotel has great breakfasts and they could join you? They aren't the same thing.

I told her we had planned to take DS and she suggested her and her DH come and meet us for the day. We haven’t seen them for over a year so thought it would be a nice opportunity to meet up and to see our DS, who they have only met once.

You might think it is all about your DS but I doubt they see it that way. Their motivation is probably that they want to see you. They are only joining you at the safari park because they enjoy it. I'm sure they would like to see your DS but I doubt that is their highest priority.

Breakfast really is an adult thing. It's not a treat for your DS to have breakfast with a bunch of adults, if anything, he'd probably rather be anywhere other than sitting in a high chair for an hour while you have a leisurely breakfast and catch. They aren't coming for breakfast to spend more time with your DS, they are coming to spend more time with you.

@chesirecat99

When I told her I was thinking about staying over, she suggested a hotel by her as it’s close by and they could meet us for breakfast.

I told her I’d found one but she said it was too far away and they couldn’t meet us for breakfast at that one, but if we stayed at the one closer they’d come and join us.

I agreed to this, and it was only after that she then brought up the times.

Breakfast may be an adult thing, but on this particular weekends DS will be with us so for us it’s a family thing.

Also can’t remember the last time I had a leisurely breakfast and catch up 😂

OP posts:

Willowtree999 · 02/09/2021 16:29

I would not bother with the breakfast. She suggested it but a hotel 30 minutes away is too far, anything before 10 is too early 🙄. Say you are happy to meet up at 10 for a walk / coffee but will have to book the other hotel so you can entertain DC until then, definitely don't go out of your way to accommodate her demands. If you would prefer the other hotel and it works better for you book it. If she really wants to see you on the Sunday she will.

JacquelineCarlyle · 02/09/2021 16:31

She sounds pretty selfish and self absorbed Op. I'd stick with your original plan and if she decides to join you, then great, but if not, enjoy the weekend with your DS (as was your plan all along).

I'd reply to her text with a laughing face emoji as she's surely taking the p.

Original poster

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 16:32

@PegasusReturns

I think you’ll cringe at the preciousness of this in a few years.

Just feed your DS a snack when he wakes up, either in room or out and about, then meet your friend at 10, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable time for breakfast on a Sunday.

Expecting adults to meet you for breakfast at 8am on a Sunday is ridiculous 😂

@PegasusReturns

Oh for the 10000 time… I don’t expect my friend to meet us at 8am. I told her that’s what time we would be having breakfast and she asked us to change it to 10.30am.

I assume you haven’t read my posts that clearly say my friend wanted us to stay at that hotel to suit her, which means we are paying more money, and then have to hang around for 4 hours (from when DC is up) in a hotel room to wait for them to come and have breakfast.

I’ve told my friend already we want to head home early in the first place and since our family breakfast plan didn’t suit her, we would stay in another hotel (cheaper) and just spend Saturday with her and her husband.

She’s the one that’s asked me to stay closer to her house and then is pretty much demanding a time we meet for breakfast.

I didn’t realise there were rules for breakfast times on a Sunday. Best tell my toddler about that one.

OP posts:

LimeRedBanana · 02/09/2021 16:35

You’re meeting up for the day on Saturday to catch up.

I don’t even understand why the breakfast on the Sunday has turned into such a massive deal.

Breakfast on Sunday just doesn’t work for you. It’s way too late for your son, and it’s way too late for you getting back home on Sunday.

Have a nice day out together on Saturday, say your goodbyes on Saturday evening, and then enjoy not having to drive home by staying in the (convenient to you) hotel.

Problem solved, surely.

Original poster

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 16:36

@LimeRedBanana

You’re meeting up for the day on Saturday to catch up.

I don’t even understand why the breakfast on the Sunday has turned into such a massive deal.

Breakfast on Sunday just doesn’t work for you. It’s way too late for your son, and it’s way too late for you getting back home on Sunday.

Have a nice day out together on Saturday, say your goodbyes on Saturday evening, and then enjoy not having to drive home by staying in the (convenient to you) hotel.

Problem solved, surely.

@LimeRedBanana

Yes!! Exactly. And this is how I saw it too until my friend messaged me to say I was being difficult!

OP posts:

LimeRedBanana · 02/09/2021 16:39

@PegasusReturns

I think you’ll cringe at the preciousness of this in a few years.

Just feed your DS a snack when he wakes up, either in room or out and about, then meet your friend at 10, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable time for breakfast on a Sunday.

Expecting adults to meet you for breakfast at 8am on a Sunday is ridiculous 😂

Who in earth wants to hang around in a hotel room for four hours with a toddler and nothing to do…? Nothing ‘precious’ about not wanting to do that.

If the OP has any sense, she’ll be on the road and home by 10.30, having said goodbye to her friend the day before.

ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 16:40

I didn’t realise there were rules for breakfast times on a Sunday. Best tell my toddler about that one

The rules aren't for toddlers.

Snog · 02/09/2021 16:42

If you want to see your friend on Sunday too then give DS some breakfast in the room at 7:30 and all have breakfast together at 10.

If you're not fussed about meeting on Sunday as well as Saturday then say it doesn't work for you.

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