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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH doesn't want my mum at DD's birthday

105 replies

mrshunta · 31/08/2021 21:12

Dd's birthday Saturday, we are planning on going to the zoo then back to MIL's after.
My mum wants to come but OH says she is draining.

Which she is I agree with him but I can't imagine she will be like that on her granddaughters birthday.

My mum is always complaining that she is ill, even though she isn't, she moved to closer to us and hates it and moans about it all the time.

So his reasons are valid but I will speak to her before we go.

AIBU to bring her?

OP posts:
Astella22 · 31/08/2021 21:14

YANBU to include your Mum

Mrstamborineman · 31/08/2021 21:14

Yabu to exclude her if MIL is also in attendance to a birthday for dgc. Your dh is being very unkind.

PersonaNonGarter · 31/08/2021 21:15

It’s not really very kind to exclude her if you are seeing every one else though. Would a compromise be that you do something w your Mum and he does something with his?

Waspsarearseholes · 31/08/2021 21:16

If you're sure she can be positive for the day then by all means bring her. But if she's going to be negative, complaining about everything and generally bringing the mood of the celebration down then maybe you, your mum and your daughter could do something the day after or before?

MrsPumpkinSeed · 31/08/2021 21:16

I think it's unfair since you are going to mil after. Would he appreciate you refusing to do that?

YouAreEnough · 31/08/2021 21:16

Depends really. If it's just you DH and DD going to the zoo then I'd tell your mum it's just you going. If other family and friends are going and DD wants grandma there then I'd say yes. Either way it's up to MIL for the "after party"

Karwomannghia · 31/08/2021 21:16

If you think she’ll struggle with the zoo and make it difficult, suggest a different birthday get together that will be more comfortable for her.

Hankunamatata · 31/08/2021 21:23

Say no to the zoo and that she can meet you at mil

Sadiecow · 31/08/2021 21:23

You should not exclude her, based on your posts!

Noshowwithoutpunch · 31/08/2021 21:26

If your OH can't accommodate your mum then I'd not be going to his mum's after the zoo.
Childish I know but hey-ho.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/08/2021 21:26

Could you see her before the zoo? It’s mean to exclude her altogether, but you don’t have to include her in every single plan.

user1471442488 · 31/08/2021 21:27

He has no right to demand you exclude your mother. Very mean and unkind of him.

Chloemol · 31/08/2021 21:28

If mil goes so should your mother

Original poster
mrshunta · 31/08/2021 21:30

Mil isn't going to the zoo, we are just going back there after.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 31/08/2021 21:32

Why do you not imagine she will be HERSELF on the birthday zoo trip?

Of course she will be - whether you have a word or not. Are you really going to stop her to stop moaning all the time? Is she really going to stop?

You’ve acknowledged he is right, and he doesn’t sound like a dick - just someone who doesn’t want his day with his daughter on her birthday ruined by the crap.

The complication is if you only see your MIL after not at the zoo, not to be hurtful.

Cadent · 31/08/2021 21:33

YANBU, really mean to exclude her. Tell DH if DM is not invited then you and DD are not going either. Don't set a precedent where he succeeds in excluding your mum.

TattySlippers · 31/08/2021 21:34

Your OH doesn’t want your mum to help your dd celebrate her birthday. What are your thoughts OP?

Hell would have frozen over before I had told my mum she wasn’t welcome, based on someone else’s opinion

GoodnightGrandma · 31/08/2021 21:36

Does your DD want her to go to the zoo ? That’s what matters.

Daisy4569 · 31/08/2021 21:36

Could you go to your mums then the zoo then mils? Seems fairer on both sides of the family or arrange something with your mum on the Sunday

topcat2014 · 31/08/2021 21:37

I think I must be your husband. MIL sucks the life out of any room.

Still invite her to stuff though

RandomMess · 31/08/2021 21:38

"Mum, it's DDs birthday stop complaining for a change"

Annoyedanddissapointed · 31/08/2021 21:39

@mrshunta

Mil isn't going to the zoo, we are just going back there after.
Well then go to hers and then go to see your mum. If she really is that negative at least it won't ruin the whole day
NumberTheory · 31/08/2021 21:39

Arrange to see you mum some other time. Don’t ruin a nice celebration by inviting someone who’s going to be miserable, or who’s got such a reputation for being miserable that other (like your DH) will be on edge waiting for her to destroy the mood.

drpet49 · 31/08/2021 21:40

Why can’t you do something with your mum before you go to the Zoo? Or after you going round to MILs place.

I’m with your husband- the zoo should just be a trip with you, husband and child.

Lotusmonster · 31/08/2021 21:40

You can’t exclude her…just talk to her first and tell her it’s about your DD for the whole day.