OH doesn't want my mum at DD's birthday

[mrshunta]

Dd's birthday Saturday, we are planning on going to the zoo then back to MIL's after.
My mum wants to come but OH says she is draining.

Which she is I agree with him but I can't imagine she will be like that on her granddaughters birthday.

My mum is always complaining that she is ill, even though she isn't, she moved to closer to us and hates it and moans about it all the time.

So his reasons are valid but I will speak to her before we go.

AIBU to bring her?

@mrshunta

To be honest when we're out and about with her she's fine and doesn't complain. However when she is on her own for a few days she usually rings complaining how ill she is and how she nearly fell over. Even though she never does fall over.

OH says to her how can you be fine when your with us but be so ill when your on your own.

I did pop to the shops with her earlier and she said she is very lonely. I said maybe start looking at some activities or volunteer at a charity shop as she use to love that. But she said no she is too ill

It's like she hates the way she is living but is willing to do nothing about it.

But she’s calling you not him, right? So why is he sticking his oar in?

She’s clearly depressed.

You are being very unfair to your husband. Why should he have to share your special family trip to the zoo with your moaning mother? You've disregarded his wishes

Spot on. Presumably he works all week and wants to spend one special day with his wife and daughter. He's entitled to that without having to accommodate his MIL.

It's must be awful for you, OP, feeling you have to solve the problem of your mum's loneliness and unhappiness, but you don't and you can't.

How old is your mum?

If your mum is living alone and she says the following
To be honest when we're out and about with her she's fine and doesn't complain. However when she is on her own for a few days she usually rings complaining how ill she is and how she nearly fell over. Even though she never does fall over. my advice is to say "Ok mum, I'm starting to be concerned about this falling over feeling that you're getting, so I've arranged to get you an alarm that you have to wear
www.progresslifeline.org.uk/products-services/falls-detectors/vibby-falls-detector?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwP794O3f8gIVaoBQBh3klQeDEAAYAyAAEgKdt_D_BwE (sorry about the long link) because if DH or I can't get to you, they can.
See if she still mentions feeling like she is going to fall over then.

It sounds like she is very very lonely and unhappy but I have no idea how you can tackle that.