DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

[TheSoapyFrog]

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

@Rosscameasdoody it's awful isn't it. It's not a simple or easy process to get a blue badge and you know how much information is required with the form so I'm surprised at the times when people question its validity.

I see both sides as I have a blue badge for my daughter but often don't use it. It's a judgement call each time based on number of spaces, how busy the place is, etc.

But he would have a wheelchair if you could afford one. I'm so sorry for your situation.

My ds has a blue badge and I'm not going to get into a MN disability top trumps blue badge debate.

I will not be parking in a regular space in case a more 'deserving' disabled person might need it.

Near us they are doing some construction in the town centre and half the disabled spaces can't be used. So sometimes we have to go back home. It's fine.

Everything is a competition on MN sometimes.

Hi, if you're pulling your child around in a wagon then you should refer to wheelchair services in your local area as they can assess for a suitable buggy or wheelchair.

As someone who has to assess blue badges from time to time, might be worth me mentioning that needing the door opened wide to get in and out isn't in the criteria and wouldn't make someone eligible for a badge - just in case anyone was going to apply and use this as justification as to why it's needed.

Yanbu. In your sons age the condition is constant and he needs tge space to be able to get out safely. I have a blue badge for a fluctuating condition. When I'm well, I don't use it, spa es are finite and I don't need it. If this were the case with your son I'd agree with your husband. It's not though, and you are entirely right and entitled to use them, as am I when I need to. I've had to turn around and drive out of the car park if no disabled spaces, just as some wheelchair users have probably had to. It's not a game of top trumps. It's first come first served for everyone with a badge, just like every other space is for those without.

@kokosm

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.

Quite.

Why does anyone think it makes sense for a car to have to stop in the middle of a car park, among moving vehicles, to let someone out because they can’t get out when the car is parked? This is exactly why that person has a blue badge, so they can safely get out of a parked car!

I think he’s right. Mum has a blue badge for severe inflamatory bowel disease and a bone condition which makes it difficult for her to walk and use the toilet. I usually just pull up, let her out at the front and then park in a normal space because I have seen some people in wheelchairs need to leave if they can’t get a disabled space. I do think wheelchair users should have protected spaces as they literally can’t use anything else even if there are other adults in the car to help.

Presumably your Mum is able to understand rules around road safety and isn’t at risk from meltdowns/sensory overload?

You are not being unreasonable.

I have only been using a wheelchair for a few months and I have a blue badge.

Blue badges are hard to get and you need to get your DS into his mobility aid (his wagon) hence need to use the space as much as I do, or any other blue badge holder.

Your partner sounds like he means well but doesn't seem to understand this situation fully. Maybe you can explain about the added risk of offloading your child into the car park whilst your partner parks up.

Your son is just as entitled to that space as any other blue badge owner.

I am sorry that wheelchair services won't help you. That is so unfair, have you have contacted Whizz Kidz and other charities which provide grants for families in your situation? I hope you get the support you need.

@Ozanj

I think he’s right. Mum has a blue badge for severe inflamatory bowel disease and a bone condition which makes it difficult for her to walk and use the toilet. I usually just pull up, let her out at the front and then park in a normal space because I have seen some people in wheelchairs need to leave if they can’t get a disabled space. I do think wheelchair users should have protected spaces as they literally can’t use anything else even if there are other adults in the car to help.

That is very kind of you. Thank you for your consideration

Slightly off topic @TheSoapyFrog but just picking up on your comment about wheelchair services I can't walk unaided and got fed up of waiting around for a referral to wheelchair services.

We bought a second hand wheelchair from eBay for £20 and then replaced it with a reconditioned from careco a lot cheaper than cost price.

Depending on where you are you would be more than welcome to take my old one for your DS!

There are other reasons for needing space around a car apart from a wheelchair. Anyone who thinks otherwise is welcome to volunteer to be the one trying to get teenage ds in the car whilst being bitten, headbutted and punched as they wrestle him in during a meltdown.

@carleyemma91

I’d be really interested to know more about the assessment criteria for a blue badge. As this thread shows, people have quite a rigid idea of who ‘deserves’ one and why they are awarded.

[quote karmakameleon]@carleyemma91

I’d be really interested to know more about the assessment criteria for a blue badge. As this thread shows, people have quite a rigid idea of who ‘deserves’ one and why they are awarded.[/quote]
Blue Badges are not easy to get, so if you have one then you need it.

I have a friend who has one for a neurological condition, and she needs to be as close to the shops as possible. Her condition fluctuates, so some days she can park further away and does not use her BB.
She is not on DLA/PIP.

He has a blue badge because he has been assessed as needing it. Your DP is being daft.

@karmakameleon i'll try and keep it as brief as I can but here we go. There are two methods of qualifying for a blue badge, the typical mobility difficulties and as of August 2019 there was an update to include criteria for hidden disabilities i.e. autism, learning disabilities and other mental health conditions. The hidden disability criteria is very, very strict so it's difficult to be awarded one under this, which tells me that OP's son does have significant need.

You automatically qualify for a blue badge if you are awarded higher rate mobility on DLA, if you score 8 or more for the 'moving around' element of PIP or exactly 10 on the descriptor of planning a journey when taking into consideration psychological distress. There's also automatic qualifying through certain War Pensions but in fairness they pop up few and far between.

In both sets of criteria the person's condition has to be enduring and this is defined by the Department for Transport as expected to last more than 3 years. For mobility, the criteria is that someone is unable to walk more than a reasonable distance (categorised as 80-100m) without significant difficulties as a result of pain or breathlessness.

For hidden disabilities it's all about someone experiencing severe psychological distress when accessing the community, or if someone poses a significant risk to themselves or others and that takes into consideration things like running away as a response to the environment or violent behaviour. The threshold for this is really high and unless you can provide supporting evidence from other professionals involved in the care of the person the chances are you will not be awarded a badge based on this. As these behaviours are not likely to be observed in a short assessment it's necessary for evidence from professionals who are heavily involved to support the application. For hidden disabilities, someone's significant difficulties must occur more often than not which is categorised as 5 out of 7.

Things that aren't considered in the criteria are needing the door opened wide to get in and out of the car or someone with bladder and bowel issues who need access to the toilet. There are instances where someone with bladder and bowel issues will be awarded a badge but that is related to the psychological distress element.

Hope that helps, I could probably write for days about this criteria but it's like 5.30am and my LO has decided it's play time.

But what does he think the blue badge is for? I’m guessing it would be you struggling with your son, wagon bags etc while he parked.

Uneducated is a polite way of saying he’s a twat but he needs to practice his twattery on his own time. Either don’t travel with him or next time insist he gets out in the middle of the car park, while you park.

@TheSoapyFrog

I'll had that DS can't exit the car unaided and that on more than one occasion we've had to pay out when he's lost his footing and slammed the door into the car next to us. We usually keep him in the car until we've got his wagon and our bags out. He is a bolter with no danger awareness, so we secure him in the wagon until we're out of the carpark. Due to a genetic disorder, he's exceptionally large for his age (around the same size as a 12-13 year old) and I struggle to hold on to him sometimes.

I’m quoting this from the OP again

Can one of the many people who seem to think getting this child out into the road of a car park is a good idea explain, with the above in mind, their logic for thinking that’s safe!

@carleyemma91

Thanks, that’s interesting. DS was awarded one as a baby as our council automatically gives them to children who need to carry a certain amount of medical equipment with them. Obviously with the equipment, space to unload and proximity to destination is helpful but our main need was being able to stop anywhere in medical emergencies.

When it came up for renewal I was worried he’d no longer be eligible. He no longer had to carry as much equipment (still has some equipment but can go for longer amounts of time without it) and although he’s still significantly disabled (higher rate care element of DLA) he doesn’t have significant mobility needs. I’m not sure on what grounds they renewed it but they did, so we use it.

@HOkieCOkie

If you were on your own with DS then yes you should use it but I think with your husband there then leave it for someone with a wheelchair etc

Nope. Wrong. BB use it. It was dangerous as the op explained

@HOkieCOkie

If you were on your own with DS then yes you should use it but I think with your husband there then leave it for someone with a wheelchair etc

I'm so confused by this thread and this attitude.

What if no one with a wheelchair arrives? What if I turn up with my mum, who has no mobility issues, and take the blue badge space instead? Should the space stay empty waiting for a more "deserving" disabled person?

The op is perfectly entitled to use the space and I think she should have insisted.

Geez so much disability discrimination on this thread!

Blue badges are so hard to get.

If they parked in a regular space then the DS bashed your car door in the next space I think you'd all want him in the disabled space!

It is perfectly reasonable for your DS to have a blie badge because clearly sometimes his additional needs will mean that he can only go somewhere if a wider and more conveniently located disabled bay is available.

However, on this specific occasion when there were two adults there so that it was possible for you and DS to be out of the car while DH reversed in, it was possible for you as a family to manage without so it is a reasonable opinion for your DH to have that it is better to use a normal space and leave the accessible space for someone who doesn't have the option to manage without.

However, where your DH was unreasonable was imposing that decision on you without consultation. He isn't "in charge", he is one half of a team. A reasonable person would have seen the possibility of using a non-accessible space with a modicum of additional hassle for you, and would have said "shall we do a favour to a theoretical wheelchair-using family who might turn up in the next hour, by using a normal space - if you don't mind waiting on the pavement with DS while I reverse in?" - and would have respected your response if you voted in favour of using the blue badge space at that point.