DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

[TheSoapyFrog]

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

But I don't really know why I'm bothering with you - you have no actual interest in seeing any other point of view and instead are spouting whataboutery.

How is discussing the topic at hand “spouting whataboutery”? I don’t agree with you but everything I’ve said relates to the topic.

Your friend is free to choose when she wants to use a blue badge space. No one is forcing her to use it. But that doesn’t mean that you (or anyone else) can guilt other people who are entitled to park there into parking elsewhere. As I said before, you’re basically saying that any disabled person who has to have a carer shouldn’t have a blue badge.

God know why this is so challenging for some to understand.

I struggle to see what you don’t understand. It’s up to the blue badge holder to decide where they want to park. So long as they are parking legally. It’s no one else’s business. Same as any driver.

@karmakameleon

God know why this is so challenging for some to understand.

I struggle to see what you don’t understand. It’s up to the blue badge holder to decide where they want to park. So long as they are parking legally. It’s no one else’s business. Same as any driver.

Right, and if they ask a bunch of strangers whether their partner was being reasonable by suggesting they didn't need the space, then they might get some opinions on that.

Glad you got there in the end.

@Rozziie I guess the concept of not all disabilities being static has totally gone over your head? Lots of people are capable of things on some days and not other days. It's not some novel concept!

No, it hasn’t - I’ve been disabled all my life, and I know the difference. That’s not the point. A disabled badge is issued on the basis of ‘substantial and permanent disability’ - thus, if you qualify for one, you can reasonably be expected to have a good deal of difficulty for most of the time. I disagree with what you’re saying for two reasons.

1. I don’t see why disabled people should be expected to not park in a bay to which they are perfectly entitled, just in case someone more deserving comes along. The lives of people with the disabilities which qualify for a blue badge, are already considerably difficult, so why make it worse ?

1. All the things I said above, plus, why should it be left to disabled people to think of others when the twats who are not disabled think nothing of taking up a disabled bay just to park closer to the door ?

As I said somewhere upthread, it does nothing for disabled people to try to prioritise themselves when the disabled badge itself is the leveller. If you want things to change, lobby for more disabled spaces.

@Darthwader

I think he made the right call. You managed fine between the pair of you and did not require the disabled space so it was nice to leave them for people who could not manage without them. OK, you had to get out of the car before your DH pulled into the space but did that matter?

I agree.

Do people really think it’s ok for a child who is a known bolter and who is normally strapped into a chair straight from the car to be made to stand and wait in a car park rather than parking in a suitable, safe space?

Obviously you should use the disabled parking spaces OP, to make life easier and safer for your disabled child and his family. My DD is a wheelchair user so we absolutely need those spaces. But if they are all full I don’t start wondering whether the occupants are less deserving of the space, I start wondering why the world is still woefully inaccessible to so many people.

Regardless of all that, you need better support from physio/OT to put pressure on wheelchair services. With that trolley you are basically using a really really crap wheelchair. I’m horrified that your son can’t get the equipment he needs to access the world as fully and safely as possible

kokosm
Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.

I kind of see the point you’re making, but you’re assuming the disabled person doesn’t drive. I’m in a wheelchair and I drive the car. I have to park up, display the badge, hoist the chair down, get into it, put the hoist back, and then close and lock the doors. How do I do that from the road ??!!!

If wheelchair services won’t help then look at charities like whizz kids. They funded a better buggy for DS which was fantastic until wheelchair services finally accepted the referal and we go the chair

@Rosscameasdoody

*kokosm Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.*

I kind of see the point you’re making, but you’re assuming the disabled person doesn’t drive. I’m in a wheelchair and I drive the car. I have to park up, display the badge, hoist the chair down, get into it, put the hoist back, and then close and lock the doors. How do I do that from the road ??!!!

You shouldn't ever have to do it on the road. You are entitled to use a disabled space.

The OP's son who is also at risk when he gets out on the road due to risk of running and being hit by a car when being put in the trolley. He should use the space too.

The way I see it is you either qualify or you don't. There isn't then a sliding scale of need once you qualify.

If you don't need close but need the side space then yes you could choose one of the furthest away ones to be considerate. But if there are 2, you qualify and you can take your pick.

An large 12-13 year old sized autistic child with learning disabilities and prone to bolting could easily need two carers to kerp them safe. The fact there were two adults in the car does not mean one would be sufficient to care for the child. As for 'popping out in the road' - unless they have settled in their mind that it is fine to open the car door and get out before the car is parked (spot any potential problems with encouraging this?!?!) you are unlikely to be 'popping' anywhere with such an unexpected transition.

Disneycharacter The fact you would have had to get out before he parked is an irrelevance and just a reflection of how small spaces are nowadays. It would have been the same for anyone

Except that DS’ disability means he has no awareness of danger. They were in a car park - you know, cars, danger. Not exactly irrelevant and no, not the same for anyone.

I think you need to be the one behind the wheel, OP! It's an education issue for your DP who is stuck on the mistaken notion that disabled=wheelchair. He's not alone in that, but he needs to learn better urgently because he's causing unnecessary complications and even danger to your DS.

Your life is complicated enough without being inconvenienced and guilt-tripped. It's bad enough when ignorant strangers do it.

I can’t believe this is even a argument if you qualify for a blue badge you use it . So what you don’t use your blue badge just in case someone who has no legs and can’t walk at all needs it . Well that’s just silly because you can’t constantly be saying someone more disabled may want it yes and someone less disabled may use it . It’s not a competition who’s more disabled and in need you have a blue badge your need is just as much as another blue badge user.

@nonotmenotI

You have been allocated a badge for him so he's been assessed as being in need of one.

Dump the bf.

Ds has a blue badge, it has made things so much easier for us. There's a lot of ignorance about blue badges and what qualifies. I've had a woman scream at me before because I parked in a disabled space with ds and blue badge displayed. She wanted to check it was real.

@nonotmenotI. I started the previous thread on disabled parking for precisely the same reason - angry woman, frothing at the mouth, asking what my disability was, even after I showed her the badge. That was when I decided ‘no more explaining’. The badge is on display and in date, and that’s all that’s needed. The self appointed blue badge police are not entitled to question anything further. If they’re not happy tell them to report you - if the badge is genuine, what’s the worst that can happen ? You don’t need to let anyone except traffic enforcement examine the badge and it’s no one’s business what your medical condition is.

Even if you have. Blue badge you can still be considerate of others. Your DP clearly thought you could manage in a normal space with two adults on hand. I think you are being unreasonable. If you were alone it would be different

@whatthejiggeries. But the point is her DP isn’t in a position to know what’s best if he thinks it’s OK to make her get out of the car in the road, with a difficult to control autistic child who has no sense of danger. Will she still be unreasonable if they’re not so lucky next time and the child has an accident ?

Your DP clearly thought you could manage in a normal space with two adults on hand

One of whom was driving the car so was not "on hand"

Whatever OP's DP thought he is utterly ignorant of OP's son's conditions and needs.

He is not the child's parent, carer or therapist, he does not know or understand enough to make that judgement call.

@BoredZelda You're the one using harmful language against disabled people. Sod off and educate yourself.

Any REAL (i.e. not people pretending to know what disabled people like) disabled people would want your son to be able to use the parking bay, and would want your partner to learn what your son needs.

OK, I’ve just had a good think about my parking habits and after a bit of thought, I think I have a foot in each camp here !!

I’m in a wheelchair permanently and I drive an adapted car. I have tried to use a standard parking space when no BB spaces are available, but I’ve had a lot of difficulty. It’s a tight squeeze to open the door enough to firstly use the chair hoist and then transfer into the chair - I HAVE done it, but it wouldn’t be my first choice. The biggest difficulty was when I parked in a standard space and came out of the supermarket to find that someone had parked so close to me I couldn’t get the driver’s door open - this is despite large stickers on both sides of the car, asking people not to park too close as I need access. This isn’t a problem with disabled spaces as there are crosshatches either side. On that occasion I had to go back into the shop and get one very annoyed shopper to go and move their car !! Not ideal.

Having said that, I don’t generally take any of the disabled spaces closest to the entrance of a shop, or whatever, if there’s one available further away. My logic is that I’m in a wheelchair and can mobilise easier than someone who has to walk with difficulty or pain. So I leave those spaces free if I can. I still need the BB space to be able to manoeuvre the wheelchair, but I suppose I DO think people who have pain or difficulty walking, trump wheelchair users when it comes to the location of the BB space, if that makes sense.

It is not the responsibility of a disabled child (who has been deemed eligible for a BB) and their carers to ensure there are enough empty spaces for other BB holders. Pitting disabled people against each other in some hierarchy of need is not useful. If there is inadequate provision for all to park this needs to be taken up with the council or stores.

YANBU. Why jump through all the hoops to get a blue badge, then decide your DS doesn't need it? If he didn't need one, he wouldn't have one. Maybe your DP is in some denial about the extent of your son's disability.

To the pp who uses a wheelchair and who said that if there are are no spaces 'we have to go home', well, that's life. Sometimes there are no spaces. And provided that no one is taking up a disabled space without the requisite blue badge, then you have to just accept it's a busy day.

In these circumstances I think he was BU as the way it had to be carried out increased risk to the ds and also potential inconvenience to others. However there may be circumstances in which using a standard space is ok - end of a row of spaces, the odd infill space that is larger than standard etc. Sometimes a standard space may also be in a safer position such as close to a pavement rather than being in the middle of a car park. I guess one advantage of a BB is that it affords this extra flexibility, a standard space if it fits ok (and by default leaves a BB space empty) or using a BB space if this is the best option.