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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 31/08/2021 16:56

The point is that it might not always be essential to use a disabled bay. Two adults travelling with him? Might be alright to use a regular bay and get out before parking. OP travelling alone with the kids? Yes, they probably need the disabled bay for the extra space. The point was that context matters - you should think, do I actually need this today or is it just slightly more convenient?

Jesus wept - read the post properly. DS’ disability means he has no awareness of danger. It doesn’t matter how many people are with him - he’s at risk in a car park. If you then attempt to get him out of the car before it’s properly parked, you’re putting him at even more risk. And what do you mean ‘you should think do I actually need this today, or is it just slightly more convenient. Well, that depends on whether the disability has disappeared during the night, doesn’t it !!!

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 17:00

It would be reasonable if people didn’t expect the disabled community to have to do things which are more difficult for themselves to make up for the fact provision is poor.

Yes, exactly, why should disabled people go out of their way to make their lives harder, just because they can. I’m able bodied, I don’t dutifully choose the most difficult option just in case someone else needs something more. If you have a blue badge, your life is probably tough enough, why wouldn’t you use it just to make one thing a little bit easier?

LST · 31/08/2021 17:00

@Miniroofbox

I am not in a wheelchair.

I could feasibly avoid a disabled space on the way in to the supermarket but by the time I come out I’d need one.

What am I supposed to do?

Same here sometimes. Sometimes I need one on arrival too. Threads like these make me really sad
Rosscameasdoody · 31/08/2021 17:03

@BoredZelda

And nobody “chooses” to use a wheelchair.
Nonsense. I have a lifelong disability and am now confined to a wheelchair - not a ‘user’ CONFINED to it. It’s different. Before I lost my ability to walk altogether I CHOSE to use a wheelchair because it was easier and less painful if I had further to walk. The term ‘wheelchair user’ implies choice and it’s exactly that phrase which is used against disabled people for the purposes of benefit assessments.
Miniroofbox · 31/08/2021 17:04

Sometimes I do tooLST. IT really depends on the day.

careerchangeperhaps · 31/08/2021 17:05

It depends. If there were lots of disabled spaces, go for it. You're entitled to use it, after all.

If there were only a couple of disabled spaces, then it was considerate of your DH to consider that someone might need the space more than your family (perhaps a wheelchair user who physically couldn't open the door and get into their chair in a normal parking space). As your DS is small and accompanied by the family, you were able to use a regular space if needs be.

It's a bit like parent parking spaces. You can use them with school-age children. But on a busy day, it's considerate to leave them for parents with babies and toddlers that really need the extra space and to be close to the special trolleys.

Rozziie · 31/08/2021 17:07

@BoredZelda

any worry that a wheelchair bound person

Wheelchair user, not wheelchair bound.

She can't get out of it without help. She is nota wheelchair user, it's not some choice she's made

The wheelchair is what gives her the capability to move about. Describe it as you wish, just be aware that the vast majority of wheelchair users will find it very jarring. What you call “prim” is actually just using more acceptable language.

No, you don't get to police what other people want to be referred to as. If her mother says she's wheelchair bound, then that's what she is.

Lots of non-autistic people think 'people with autism' is more acceptable than 'autistic people'. It isn't.

Rozziie · 31/08/2021 17:10

@Rosscameasdoody

The point is that it might not always be essential to use a disabled bay. Two adults travelling with him? Might be alright to use a regular bay and get out before parking. OP travelling alone with the kids? Yes, they probably need the disabled bay for the extra space. The point was that context matters - you should think, do I actually need this today or is it just slightly more convenient?

Jesus wept - read the post properly. DS’ disability means he has no awareness of danger. It doesn’t matter how many people are with him - he’s at risk in a car park. If you then attempt to get him out of the car before it’s properly parked, you’re putting him at even more risk. And what do you mean ‘you should think do I actually need this today, or is it just slightly more convenient. Well, that depends on whether the disability has disappeared during the night, doesn’t it !!!

I guess the concept of not all disabilities being static has totally gone over your head? Lots of people are capable of things on some days and not other days. It's not some novel concept!!
Sirzy · 31/08/2021 17:10

It’s nothing at all like P and C spaces.

I don’t get what some people are struggling with. Her son has been deemed eligible for a blue badge. He was in the car. Therefore they are as eligible to use any disabled bay as any other blue badge holder.

NotAnotherUserNumber · 31/08/2021 17:11

I have a blue badge, but will always park in a regular space if there is one that is possible for me to use, as I want to leave the disabled bay for others who don’t have another possibility. If all blue badge users do this, then we all have the best chance of being able to find a suitable spot available.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 31/08/2021 17:15

I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier

It’s not disabled top trumps.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 17:16

I guess the concept of not all disabilities being static has totally gone over your head? Lots of people are capable of things on some days and not other days. It's not some novel concept!!

One of the criteria for getting a blue badge is that you have a permanent and substantial disability. These don’t just tend to disappear some days.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/08/2021 17:17

it was considerate of your DH to consider

He is not her DH and it was not considerate. Instead of parking properly in a safe and suitable space he made her unload her DS in the open car park / behind another parked car before he finished parking in an unsuitable space.

Pissinthepottyplease · 31/08/2021 17:18

@kokosm

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.
Not if they were driving.
RinkyStinky1 · 31/08/2021 17:21

@Aprilx

You wouldn’t have been wrong for using it of course, but I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier.
Did you not read the OPs post?

TheSoapyFrog

I'll had that DS can't exit the car unaided and that on more than one occasion we've had to pay out when he's lost his footing and slammed the door into the car next to us.
We usually keep him in the car until we've got his wagon and our bags out. He is a bolter with no danger awareness, so we secure him in the wagon until we're out of the carpark. Due to a genetic disorder, he's exceptionally large for his age (around the same size as a 12-13 year old) and I struggle to hold on to him sometimes.

Having to assist a child out of the car, get the wagon out and then get him in said wagon in the middle of the car park doesn't signify a valid need to use a bb space!? Pray, tell - what do you consider a greater need? Hmm

mumwon · 31/08/2021 17:21

hierarchy of impairment at play here
Dc is a danger to himself & has physical issues about getting out of car
Hence he IS entitled to use & you should use disabled parking
end of
What does your dh think the blue badge is for -decoration?

Rozziie · 31/08/2021 17:22

@karmakameleon

I guess the concept of not all disabilities being static has totally gone over your head? Lots of people are capable of things on some days and not other days. It's not some novel concept!!

One of the criteria for getting a blue badge is that you have a permanent and substantial disability. These don’t just tend to disappear some days.

I have a permanent disability. It doesn't mean I'm equally affected by it every day. One of my friends is a blue badge holder and a wheelchair user, but she doesn't always need the wheelchair. When she doesn't need it and is able to walk short distances, she doesn't park in disabled bays even though she has a legal right to. Plenty of people are affected by their disabilities to different degrees on different days.

But I don't really know why I'm bothering with you - you have no actual interest in seeing any other point of view and instead are spouting whataboutery.

rwalker · 31/08/2021 17:24

Just because you can use one doesn't mean you have to . It's nice to think about other people.

Sirzy · 31/08/2021 17:24

Ds probably needs the space more on days he doesn’t have the wheelchair than days he does.

Even if he is on a good day when we leave the car it doesn’t mean he will be when we get back. Hence needing the disabled space

RedHelenB · 31/08/2021 17:29

@Rosscameasdoody because one could get out and be with ds while the other parked. of course with a blue badge UP had the right to park in the space but it seems in this instance she didn't need to which is what her dp was saying.

Sirzy · 31/08/2021 17:31

[quote RedHelenB]@Rosscameasdoody because one could get out and be with ds while the other parked. of course with a blue badge UP had the right to park in the space but it seems in this instance she didn't need to which is what her dp was saying.[/quote]
Yes because that is so easy with a child with no impulse control who normally needs to be strapped into a seat to safely navigate Carparks

Imnothereforthedrama · 31/08/2021 17:32

You have a blue badge you use it .

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 31/08/2021 17:35

@rwalker

Just because you can use one doesn't mean you have to . It's nice to think about other people.
No it's not, she uses one to make things easier as do I. It's not our job to think about other people maybe wanting to use the space, it's not a points system, a blue badge is a blue badge and it's first come first served.

It really saddens me that being provided with something to make our already difficult and painful lives a little bit easier still makes people question our need.

Miniroofbox · 31/08/2021 17:35

@rwalker

Just because you can use one doesn't mean you have to . It's nice to think about other people.
Jesus wept. Do you think they give blue badges out like smarties?
RinkyStinky1 · 31/08/2021 17:36

@Lokdok

You didn't need the space since there were two of you and you could easily get him out and back in to the car. If you'd taken a disabled space then a person in a wheelchair may have had to go home because they physically had no other way to do it. You have a right to use a disabled space, yes, but in this case you managed fine without and I'd have done the same as your partner.
She had to get him out of the car IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.