AIBU to expect an invite for my baby to a wedding that's abroad?

[Somesome]

We have been invited to five different weddings in the next 12 months and our baby daughter hasn't been invited to three of these.

Two of the three weddings that she's not invited to are abroad.

Is it unreasonable to expect her to be invited to a wedding that's abroad? She'll be less than 18 months old and I'm a bridesmaid at one of the weddings.

The other wedding that she's not invited to is in the UK when she's 8 months old and is five hours away from where we live. I've explained that we won't be able to attend.

I think many mumsnetters have odd friends, I've been to several overseas weddings, friends, work colleagues even and they always invited my children (even though we have sometimes not taken them, thanks to my mum!)

Just tell the bride (and it will be the bride making these decisions) you cannot come without your dc therefore you need to decline the invite unless it's possible to bring them

Ps there were 6 babies under 1 at my wedding including 2 newborns!

I think if you are a bridesmaid some understanding should be shown. Much as it is your wedding, your choice, and child free weddings are a choice I respect, it is unreasonable then to ask someone with young children to have an important part in the ceremony.

@Zezet

Maybe I've missed something here but why can't you travel there and get a local babysitter for the night? Hotels will almost always work with you to find a reliable person (often a staff member of duty happy to make some extra money) - I've done this everywhere from Europe to Asia to Africa (mostly for work, occasionally for private). I even used to go back to the hotels for feeds in between if necessary.

I'm not comfortable leaving my baby with a stranger for the night let alone a stranger in a foreign country.

Thanks all for your responses. I'm still waiting for a response to the declining of the invitation to the UK wedding so the jury is still out on whether or not they think I'm being unreasonable not to attend. My husband is almost certainly going to decline the abroad wedding from his friendship group. We are still planning to go to the wedding that I'm a bridesmaid in but my Mum will be coming with us and staying nearby.

@Zezet

Maybe I've missed something here but why can't you travel there and get a local babysitter for the night? Hotels will almost always work with you to find a reliable person (often a staff member of duty happy to make some extra money) - I've done this everywhere from Europe to Asia to Africa (mostly for work, occasionally for private). I even used to go back to the hotels for feeds in between if necessary.

A complete stranger that a baby/toddler has never met and doesn’t know is a really unappealing prospect for most people.

It’s one thing to maybe consider that for an evening event, where you might have put your child to bed and they’re unlikely to wake up.

But for a wedding during the day?

I’m surprised this genuinely needs explaining.

I've done this everywhere from Europe to Asia to Africa (mostly for work, occasionally for private)

I think leaving a baby or a toddler with total strangers from Europe to Africa is a really dangerous and highly risky thing to do. How do you know who they are or if you can trust them? It is pretty shocking if you ask me.

I don't know any one that I'd accept
a wedding invite abroad for that didn't include my DC particularly when they were breast fed babies. In fact I'm not sure I'd accept an invite abroad even for close family/friends. It's so presumptive of the marrying couple to assume people will spend not just their money (if they aren't prepared to pay for the guests) but also their annual leave on their wedding.

I think I'd decline any such invite on principle - but then I'm unlikely to ever have one

As for the "use a hotel babysitter" scenario er no, a random stranger looking after my breast fed baby so I could be at a wedding for someone who wanted me but not my baby there.

Bizarre! The ideas some people have about weddings completely baffle me...

YANBU to decline. I'm sure your friend would understand, especially with covid.

In my experience the bridezillas expecting everyone to drop their newborn babies to spend a week with them on the other side of the world, are the very same people when becoming parents themselves would not dream of leaving their little darlings before the age of 16 and even then would insist their child had special status. They usually tend to turn into parentzillas and their babies are the only ones that count. Otherwise known as very selfish and self absorbed people.