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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect an invite for my baby to a wedding that's abroad?

136 replies

Somesome · 31/08/2021 03:51

We have been invited to five different weddings in the next 12 months and our baby daughter hasn't been invited to three of these.

Two of the three weddings that she's not invited to are abroad.

Is it unreasonable to expect her to be invited to a wedding that's abroad? She'll be less than 18 months old and I'm a bridesmaid at one of the weddings.

The other wedding that she's not invited to is in the UK when she's 8 months old and is five hours away from where we live. I've explained that we won't be able to attend.

OP posts:
DancesWithTortoises · 31/08/2021 08:05

It is unreasonable for people to have weddings abroad and expect friends to spend a fortune to attend.

SherBear1971 · 31/08/2021 08:06

I would decline all....just a "thank you for the invitation but we are unable to come"

BogRollBOGOF · 31/08/2021 08:07

If people are planning weddings abroad or invite guests at a significant distance, they should be expecting guests to decline when it's completely unviable to leave babies/ young children behind. Many parents just don't have childcare options.

Doing it to a bridesmaid is totally thoughtless.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 31/08/2021 08:09

I would decline and not give the weddings a second thought, even the bridesmaid one.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 31/08/2021 08:10

The one where you're a bridesmaid is particularly odd - you can't decline that one without fallout but you're totally reasonable to do so. DH's best friend got married in India and we were all 3 invited including 1 year old DS but I still said no - we've never fancied a short haul flight with a toddler, let alone India!

hauntedvagina · 31/08/2021 08:11

I would decline the invite. On the whole I avoid overseas weddings as much as possible.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 31/08/2021 08:12

DH went on his own.

ChloeDecker · 31/08/2021 08:17

Did you have lots of children and babies at your wedding OP?

LaBellina · 31/08/2021 08:19

They’re not unreasonable to organize their wedding at a location abroad and wanting to keep it child free. Just like you’re not unreasonable to refuse to go to a wedding abroad that is child free.

ithinkilikeit · 31/08/2021 08:20

This threads are always so pointless. Genuinely no point debating whether child free weddings are fair or nice or not. They didn’t invite your daughter, If that’s a deal breaker for you then don’t come. It does need to be a whole drama.

LaBellina · 31/08/2021 08:21

I do think it would have been fair to let you know the wedding would be abroad and child free before the bride asked you to be her bridesmaid. I would point that out to her when she gets upset over you declining the invitation.

Lalliella · 31/08/2021 08:21

Weddings abroad where the couple expect their guests to spend a huge amount of money to attend are narcissistic imo. It’s completely unreasonable of them to expect you to do that without your child, and even more unreasonable to expect you to bring your child for part of it and find childcare for the actual wedding. Ridiculous. Particularly the bridesmaid one. You mean enough to them to be invited to be a bridesmaid but not enough to be allowed to have your toddler there. Some people are clueless. YANBU at all to decline.

Squirrelblanket · 31/08/2021 08:22

Do you really think that it might be unreasonable to decline an invitation? Of course it isn't.

These threads always read more like 'tell me what a meany you think my friend is'.

Original poster
Somesome · 31/08/2021 08:23

@ChloeDecker

Did you have lots of children and babies at your wedding OP?
Yup! But ignore the original subject as I'm not really against child free weddings, I just think people should accept that it means we won't be able to attend. We immediately suggested we wouldn't be able to attend originally and they extended the invite to the rest of the week but not the actual wedding day. This has happened twice now for two weddings involving two different friendship groups.
OP posts:
Beachbabe1 · 31/08/2021 08:24

Just think of the thousands of pounds you are going to save by not going!!

Original poster
Somesome · 31/08/2021 08:25

@Squirrelblanket

Do you really think that it might be unreasonable to decline an invitation? Of course it isn't.

These threads always read more like 'tell me what a meany you think my friend is'.

Yes, I really do... Especially given that I'm a bridesmaid at one of them.
OP posts:
Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 08:27

If you want to go, go.

If you don't, don't.

No one should reasonably expect someone to travel abroad without their child (especially in these covid times) for their wedding, a day that whilst important to them, isn't necessarily that important to anyone else. That's not even mentioning the cost, time to be taken off work etc.

It's as simple as that - put your assertive head on and just say no (unless of course you fancy a holiday and can get childcare)

stepupandbecounted · 31/08/2021 08:29

We immediately suggested we wouldn't be able to attend originally and they extended the invite to the rest of the week but not the actual wedding day.

Wow. What would be the point of you going???
Some people are deluded.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/08/2021 08:29

If you want to go, couldn't your husband look after the baby for the day? If you were going to be bridesmaid you probably wouldn't have seen him much anyway?

HaveringWavering · 31/08/2021 08:30

Surely if you are close enough to someone to be a bridesmaid you can have an honest conversation about baby logistics and finances?

stepupandbecounted · 31/08/2021 08:32

You don't think it is expecting too much to ask a couple to bring their little toddler to a wedding abroad, and the costs and stress of doing so in the middle of a pandemic so she can leave her dh in the room all day and evening with their toddler whilst she carries out her bridesmaid duties? Why would anyone agree to that, ever?

What planet are people on. It is totally unreasonable to expect anyone to do that.

MrsSchrute · 31/08/2021 08:32

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

If you want to go, couldn't your husband look after the baby for the day? If you were going to be bridesmaid you probably wouldn't have seen him much anyway?
Yes this. Seems like a good solution!
Butterfly44 · 31/08/2021 08:33

It's not unreasonable for people to want a child free wedding. It's their special day, they don't want babies crying or acting up in the middle of I do's. It's up to them who to invite.
So yes, decline the invite in that case. Not unreasonable of you to do so.

EmeraldShamrock · 31/08/2021 08:34

I wouldn't go.

undecided2022 · 31/08/2021 08:36

I wouldn't go. No way in hell. My child is 18 months too.

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