AIBU to think this is a well known scam?

[EvaRoad]

....or have I just been unlucky? (Name changed as too outing)

At the end of July my girlfriend dropped her phone and it broke "beyond repair". She was distraught, did not know what she was going to do and needed a new phone. I suggested she asked her friends or asked her family but ultimately she made it clear that if I didn't get her a phone then she would not be able to contact me anymore. I was in a difficult position, her birthday was coming up, so I eventually relented and purchased her a new phone on a contract. Anyway, I never got to see the phone, as she kept on making excuses not to see me, and then last week she said she had "got back with her ex", didn't want to see me again, and blocked me. Obviously she's still got the phone and I've now got to pay for the rest of the contract.

What really gets me is that this is the second time this has happened to me, my previous girlfriend did something similar, breaking up with me within a few weeks of getting her a new phone a couple of years back.

So is this a well known scam, or have I just been unlucky? Do girls really drop their phones as often as they say?

It’s not a well known scam as such, it is a really shitty thing to do
You really have had misfortune to date some shady women
Next time don’t buy anyone other than yourself a phone

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me

I don’t love you. I couldn’t possibly love someone who would try to manipulate me like this.

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

I'd laugh honestly. Relationships that contain statements like this aren't love. They're people testing each other, treating emotions as transactions, and generally bullying another person into doing things they aren't comfortable with or don't want to freely give. It's toxic.

But I haven't had a partner who would say that to me with a straight face, let alone in reference to buying them gifts. Once you enter the realm of asking people to prove their affection with gifts/boundaries being pushed, you both know it isn't there. They're just playing on your fear of the relationship being revealed for what it is.

Yeah, at some point you do have to stand up for yourself. Someone who's really interested in you as a person won't use emotional blackmail to get you to buy them expensive things. Early in a romantic relationship, you should both still be on best behaviour, not manipulating one another into shelling out for new phones.

You have to put a little more value on yourself than that, or else you'll end up with chancers and losers who only want to use you.

Get your card out and get yourself a new phone, Tesco have some for £30
That’s my reply
As an aside you can get a new phone cheaply a Nokia brick why didn’t she just buy a new cheappo phone

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me

I'd point out that someone who truly loved me wouldn't ask any such thing.

Then I'd dump them, because I deserve better.

OP you deserve better. Whatever happens, please learn from this.

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

You could try something like:

"I'm not interested in puppy love."

Or, more likely at only a few months in,

"It's a bit early to be talking about love."

But as previous poster said, that's the sort of manipulation that's worth dumping someone over. Why would you even want to be with someone like that?

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

"Stop being a manipulative grabby cow and buy it yourself."

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

I’m now thinking no one could be this naive, surely?

Well I've have a reply: "Well it's my phone now" plus some stuff about it was all my fault. I've replied that I paid for the phone on the basis that we were having a long term relationship and that you needed to contact me, and if you are now back with your ex, I must now ask for my phone back.

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

I don't think guillible is the right word exactly... But as a general rule - that line is (in most cases) an absolute red flag that someone is trying to emotionally blackmail you. I would say exactly the same thing to a woman who had been told that (regardless of what the "it" is.) I am sure if someone posted on here "AIBU to get someone to buy me a new phone and then dump them" they would be ripped to shreds - but no-one has posted this. So I think it is reasonable people respond to your situation. No, it isn't a common scam, but at the same time it is possible to have a "arsehole filter" - basically a way of accidentally ensuring that all the arseholes/users etc etc are the ones that get through to you. What you need to be doing is the opposite - filtering those people out when they show red flags. And "buy me material possessions to show you love me" is a huge red flag

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

By saying “and if you really loved me you wouldn’t ask”

You have the IMEI ask provider to disable the phone
That way she cannot use it

She’s not going to give it back. Just tell her you are cancelling the SiM and reporting it stolen.

I don't think you can demand the phone back. You can't buy commitment in a relationship. You said yourself it was a gift. Learn from this. If someone tries to emotionally manipulate you you should walk away. Not give in to it.

She’s not going to give it back to you. Is it an Apple phone? If you’re the account holder can you reset it to factory settings? Do you have login details?

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

I'll get you one from CEX, they do a basic one for £10.

Reset the phone. Disable it so she can’t use it
Given you’ve never seen phone did she sell it in ebay?

This happened to a friend of mine. He was due an upgrade and his GF, who didn't have a mobile phone at the time, persuaded him to ask his provider for a "good deal" for two mobile phones and then they could go halves on the phone bill and that it would work out cheaper for the both of them. So he got two mobile phones on his contract and in his name only and about a week before the first bill was due she ended the relationship. If I remember correctly she gave half of what was due for the first bill, promising she'd send him the other half later in the month but she never did. Instead she posted the sim card that came with her phone through his letter box, snapped may I add, and kept the phone, leaving him to pay off the 2 year contract.

I'd definitely call your provider and explain what has happened, there may be something they can do or advise you do.

I'm glad to hear that you've stood up to her. Sounds as if she cold-heartedly set out to scam you. "It's my phone now"? Any decent person would give it back, or offer to take over the contract once the relationship had broken down, except there wasn't a relationship, was there? Just a nasty person taking advantage of someone.

Everyone makes mistakes. We just need to learn from them.

As always, you get more grief for being gullible etc, rather than blasting the girlfriend for being a complete bitch.

Learn from this OP. People that love each other don't ask like that. Love isn't conditional. Maybe take some time out from relationships, and read up on what a healthy relationships look like.

@EvaRoad

It appears I was "unblocked" this evening so I have asked what she wanted to do about the phone. I'm trying to keep it civil.

Perhaps she's seen this thread.

If so, exgf, you need to return the phone or have the contract transferred into your own name. Cheeky as fuck to do anything else.

@EvaRoad

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?"

"And if you really loved me you wouldn't coerce me into buying you things to "prove" my love. This relationship is over" and then you leave and don't look back.

Learn the lesson better this time, don't buy expensive things/ things that future you will still be paying for to placate anyone ever. Don't throw money at relationships thinking that makes it better, it's a fine line between generous within your means and gullible so learn which is which.

Have a read up on here about healthy relationships because it sounds like you don't know what that should look like and are vulnerable to people who won't respect your hazy boundaries

Text her and say you are reporting the phone as lost and the handset will be disabled. They can do that even if a different sim is in it. I lost mine when I was spiked in a night out. A quick call the the nice man at t-mobile (showing my age) and he disabled the handset and sent me a replacement sim. He said it meant if someone had it even if they put their own sim in it would be ‘bricked’ l.

For those saying I was gullible, how else would you respond to the line "You would do it if you really loved me?

I would instantly know they were a manipulative user and dump them! No decent person uses that line.