Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about clearing the table before everyone has finished?

145 replies

StayOrGoOrWhat · 30/08/2021 13:26

My youngest DD, aged 3, tends to eat more slowly than the rest of us and if she realises that we’ve all finished, she stops eating. So once we are done, we remain seated with our plates there and just chat until she has finished.

When we are at my DMs or she is at ours, as soon as anyone has finished she starts collecting plates up and taking them into the kitchen. It drives me mad! She’s even been known to bring dessert in whilst DD is still eating and is then surprised when she abandons her food in favour of cake.

I’ve asked her not to and she has improved but it seems like some kind of compulsion to start piling plates before we are all done and it is driving me mad! Made me remember how when I was younger, DF would still be eating and have had the entire table cleared around him. So, AIBU to think that’s it’s just not great manners to clear up before everyone is finished?

OP posts:
MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 30/08/2021 13:28

Your mum can do what she likes in her own house but when she's at yours, just tell her to stop!

LittleLottieChaos · 30/08/2021 13:31

Incredibly bad mannered to start clearing and serving the next course before someone has finished the one in front of them. Especially a child that is learning the process of a meal. Surely she can sit and wait a few minutes.

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2021 13:33

Yes that’s very rude of her, she should be more considerate of her own grandchild.

Original poster
StayOrGoOrWhat · 30/08/2021 13:35

@MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers

Your mum can do what she likes in her own house but when she's at yours, just tell her to stop!
Well yes, of course she can, but like I said, DD doesn’t finish her meal.
OP posts:
thebeatingofthedrums · 30/08/2021 13:37

It's really bad-mannered and I hate it.

You always wait for the last person.

Taswama · 30/08/2021 13:39

I think this is really bad manners. My ILs do this too. I'm a slow eater and I find it very rude. Just talk amongst yourselves while I'm still eating!

Cuddlyrottweiler · 30/08/2021 13:39

It's really rude. Kind of like the queen "I'm finished so you are too."

thirstyformore · 30/08/2021 13:41

I think it is very bad manners to clear away when someone is still eating, but I noticed when I went to the States on holiday that they have the compete opposite view. Whisk your plate away as soon as you've finished eating so you don't have a dirty plate in front of you. Drove me crazy!!!

karmakameleon · 30/08/2021 13:43

DH does this, drives me mad. He eats quick and the boys are quite slow but surprise surprise, give up entirely on their main course when he brings pudding out.

2bazookas · 30/08/2021 13:43

her house, her rules.

jackstini · 30/08/2021 13:44

It's rude. You should always wait until everyone has finished

I also like a bit of a break between courses so would hate dessert served before some people have even finished dinner!

Does she ever do it at your house?

Ibizan · 30/08/2021 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SukonthaM · 30/08/2021 13:45

I clear up before my kids have finished (I ask if they want any condiments etc leaving out). I’ve got too much to do to sit there and watch other people eat. I wouldn’t sit and eat dessert when there’s children still eating their dinner though.

VeryQuaintIrene · 30/08/2021 13:46

Seriously rude - my father in law does it because he bolts down his food and expects us all to do thesame and I HATE it. But I agree @thirstyformore that it is quite an American thing. A bit different, but when I take (US) students to Greece on study abroad trips, they are always aghast at how (in their eyes) slow the Greek waitstaff are and I have to explain that they have a completely different mindset about not ending meals the moment someone has put the last forkful in their mouths.

Original poster
StayOrGoOrWhat · 30/08/2021 13:49

@jackstini

It's rude. You should always wait until everyone has finished

I also like a bit of a break between courses so would hate dessert served before some people have even finished dinner!

Does she ever do it at your house?

Yes, she is at our house quite a lot now. We explained it to her and she has stopped taking the plates into the kitchen but after lunch yesterday she still piled all the plates up while DD was still eating and then it’s like DD realises we are all done and gives up!
OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 30/08/2021 13:49

Child 2 takes ages to eat though and child 1 starts misbehaving while waiting and thus distracting child 2. Clearing up and serving pudding actually speeds child 2 up because pudding is much nicer than dull main course!

Original poster
StayOrGoOrWhat · 30/08/2021 13:49

@Ibizan

God I think it depends.

If you have ever been at a table with someone who does competitive slow eating so they can remark about wolfing down/chewing/the importance of conversation then absolutely dessert should be served up around them.

Are we talking about five minutes here or half the fucking afternoon @StayOrGoOrWhat

LOL, not half the afternoon but she is 3 so needs an extra 10 minutes. I actually eat slowly so DD and I are usually finishing at around the same time.
OP posts:
sillysmiles · 30/08/2021 13:51

I hate it and I remember when being trained as a waitress, being told not to collect plates until everyone is finished eating.

randomsabreuse · 30/08/2021 13:52

Hate it. DH and FIL both have been known to take my plate as I pick up the last mouthful (usually I'm last if I've been cutting DC's food) and tend to whisk my glass away before I've finished with it.

Worst thing is it encourages DC to get down and start doing other stuff as soon as they are bored (rather than finished) and wander off during the meal. We had to have a few meals where we were consciously very organised (so we didn't have to get up to sort necessary things like drinks/extra cutlery, sauces etc) to make expectations clear again.

Also caused havoc when meals out became possible again as DC we're not used to staying sitting at a table!

Yesitsbess · 30/08/2021 13:55

Ten minutes? Get a Nerf gun. The second a plate is hovered then...PEW! PEW! PEW!

Only possible solution.

SandraOhh · 30/08/2021 13:57

So did you call her out on it yesterday? When she rises to leave the table I would be saying do not start collecting plates, I've told you once before and it's really rude and annoying. How did she get chance to start piling them up?

Chicchicchicchiclana · 30/08/2021 13:57

Terrible manners. I was often caught up in this when the children were small. Yes, I was the last to finish because I was serving them/helping them.

Inlaws would cheerfully start serving themselves and eating before everyone had even sat down! Wish I'd had the nerve to point it out to them but if I said anything to DH he'd just get defensive on their behalf and said they weren't educated middle class people and they'd had a hard life and I was being a snob. Pah.

jackstini · 30/08/2021 13:59

Definitely would say something then!

Maybe frame it as helping dd - "Mum, please leave all the plates until dd has finished, otherwise it indicates the meal has finished and she stops eating"

If it applies - maybe say that's how it's done at nursery/school and you want to be consistent..?!

Mermaidpool · 30/08/2021 14:00

Very rude of her, she should realize a small child takes longer and is learning good table manners so she should be setting a good example and waiting a few minutes

ellyeth · 30/08/2021 14:01

I think it's rather rude to clear away plates when each person has finished. It could make those who are still eating feel uncomfortable and, in my view, it would spoil a relaxed atmosphere.

However in the case of a child who takes absolutely ages to finish, and half an hour later he/she is still eating from a cold plate of food, I think it's acceptable for the plates to be cleared and people to leave the table.