Aibu to get married to a 37 year old man when I just turned 22?

[ConeyIsland23]

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 37. He proposed. We are deeply in love. But I am unsure about the long term complications of our age gap after speaking to my parents. Could someone with a similar age gap tell me about the pros and cons? Are we doomed? Do you regret the age gap? Also we will be trying for kids once we are married.

I married at 22 but to a 24 year old. I don't have any words of advice but I am happy in my marriage 6 years on.. it really depends on the person.

But dont have a baby until you are ready. I am planning to have a baby (only child) in my mid to late 30s.

My first thought will be is he a man who once you are in you mid 30s, will he end the relationship for a younger woman. So his previous relationships especially if he has been married before should matter.

Think of Tom Cruise, or nearer to home, Boris Johnson.

@Lillylope

It probably won't work out in the long term, but it will more than likely greatly improve your financial position so I'd go for it. I wouldn't have children with him though.

How do we know that though?

Just because he's 15 years older, it doesn't mean he's rich. He could be on minimum wage for all we know, and she could be the one with the high paying job.

Problem with this discussion is that we have very little info. Any chance the poster might come back?

When I was 20 I married a 35 year old. Lasted couple of years SOME of it was due to age gap although I didn't realise at time. I'm in 40s now (lovely Second and last dh) and I look back and see what a different person I was then and how I changed but also how we changed at different rates if that makes sense. BUT that was me. My
Best friend is married to someone 18 years old. Been together since best friend was 18. Everyone mocked them (not me) and said It wouldn't work but 20 years later they are the most perfect couple and the age gap is utterly
Irrelevant.

You do you. If you love him that's enough

I had the exact same age gap in my first marriage.

The age gap wasn't the issue, the fact he was a complete twat was.

Only you know your relationship OP.

@newnortherner111

My first thought will be is he a man who once you are in you mid 30s, will he end the relationship for a younger woman. So his previous relationships especially if he has been married before should matter.

Think of Tom Cruise, or nearer to home, Boris Johnson.

He will be 50 or older by then. Contrary to what they might think, very few men in their 50s, unless they are very wealthy or powerful as in the above examples, are attractive to much younger women.

Your life. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Surely if you've reached the point of marriage, you know whether he's right for you or not, whether you each other and whether you're compatible.

• love each other

Is/was he married when you met? Did you/do you work for/with him? Does he already have children? Were/are you the 'other woman'? Has he recently bought a motorbike? Has he recently changed his job?

If you answered 'yes' to more than one of the above, then have a big think about it all - are you part of his midlife crisis?

@Cabbagewhites

Why not wait 5 years and if you still love each other get married then. You will be 27 and he will be 42. Still plenty young enough for children.

This would be my view too. Plenty of opportunity for you to get some more life experience, get the true measure of the man, and if it's love it'll just be stronger then. If he has your best interests at heart, he'll have no issue with it.

Beyond that, none of us can say. We don't know if you're an immature 22 year old who this older man sees as someone he can control (obviously you'll say this is not the case), or a mature 22 year old who has met a truly good older man.

Wait, OP. There is no hurry. You are very young to be committing yourself to a man so much older than you. Give it 5 years at least.

It is a very rare man who can continue to attract women in their 20s as they age themselves. A very rare man.

While he isn't my cup of tea at all at all, The Prime Minister has some status to it and that is always going to make it possible to be in that category.

But keith from accounts, no. I wouldn't worry.

Op. I was 21 when I married my husband. He was 37. It has worked out for us. We have 4 kids together. However.... he didn't have an ex wife or kids. I was quite mature for my age. He works hard as do I. We sometimes feel the age difference. More so now on my side. He lived a life before me that I never got to do. I had my eldest at 21 and lived the life of a stay at home mum and helping with his business since. I haven't travelled. Been anywhere that isn't child related. I don't dislike my life but sometimes wish I had done a few things first. I have a troubled childhood and I am glad I have stability. Do you work OP? Do you have a career or want one? Does he work? How long have you been together? It is very young. We have been together for 13 years now. And whilst we work well together. It helps I'm quite introverted and besides fleeting moments of wishing a different path I am actually very happy with how things turned out. Be careful OP. I would wait a bit. Rather wait and see and be sure than with kids and divorced whilst quite young with no career behind you.

Well it’s your life and you need to do what’ll make you happy. But you’re very young and presumably haven’t had much chance to experience life yet. He’s a lot older than you and has probably done lots of this stuff now. I’m 37 and couldn’t imagine marrying a 22 year old.

And trying for children straight away raises a red flag. Are you sure you really want this? Children are wonderful but change your whole life and put so many limits on what you can do. I’d think very seriously about having them so young.

Even Tom Cruise, I'm not sure he's naturally attracting twenty something women. They're procured, for interviews that might lead to dates. It's not exactly organic attraction.

@TheQueef

I have adult DC and would advise them against this. My bias has come from seeing age gap couples get older (invariably in my circles it is women becoming nurses/carers)

Totally this! I’ve seen this play out with friends who have much older husbands.

@Cabbagewhites

Why not wait 5 years and if you still love each other get married then. You will be 27 and he will be 42. Still plenty young enough for children.

good advice. you are barely into adulthood. one's perspective really does change, esp after age 25 onwards. you will be missing out on so much to tie yourself down so young, to anyone, but esp with this age gap. i know whereof i speak

There were 15 years between my grandparents and my grandmother died first - she was the younger. So the doom and gloom about his health doesn’t follow.

There are 12 years between me and my husband but I was 28when we met and 31 when we married. A big difference. I do think 15 years at your age is an awful lot.

You do you.

Most of my partners have been at least 10 years older than me. When I was 19, my then-boyfriend was 32, so pretty similar age gap to you two.

Him and I were together for 5 years, and although the romantic relationship didn't last, we've been like family to each other ever since. We even live together now and have pets together. We're totally ride or die. It's awesome.

The only thing I'd say is to go into marriage with your eyes wide open. Consider the financial side of things carefully - especially what would happen to YOU if things didn't work out.

When I was with the boyfriend I mentioned above, I lived with him, contributed to his mortgage, but my name wasn't on anything. He bought all of the furniture and things for the place. So when we broke up, I literally had nothing. I didn't even have savings. So, not to be cynical, but these are the kind of logical things you need to think about, regardless of the age difference.

The age difference might matter eventually, or it might not. There is no way to predict. But that's the same for any relationship.

My parents have a 14 year age gap (Dad's older) my in-laws have a 10 year age gap (MIL is older) both have been married for 30+ years and are happy.

I don't see it as a problem unless you think it's a problem. It's your life!

I married my husband when I was 25, he was 38,been together since I was 23. We're still happily married nearly 12 years later 😊 even if you get engaged now, doesn't mean you'll be getting married tomorrow, some people have a long engagement, there's no rush, just do what feels right for you both

I think 15 years is a fair old gap TBH. Your parents are wise to be cautious I think .How long have you known him.Is he single or have DC form prev RL? I think this can make all the difference really. Is there such a big rush .I would think long and hard about it .If he cares for you he will understand .

It’s not the age gap as such that id have a problem with, it’s the idea that you’d be trying for kids as soon as you get married, at 22/23. Why not wait 5 years and see if the relationship is still going strong? If he’s rushing you into kids because of his age you really need to question that. You have so much time ahead of you and there are plenty more fish in the sea.

I was in love with someone of a similar age to your partner at your age. We had been together from when I was 18. I loved him a lot and was heartbroken when it ended after six years. But now- as I approach 40 and with two small children I’m very grateful to not be living my life with a man of almost 60 and all of the implications of that.

You can’t help who you love but you’re still very young. Be with him by all means but maybe wait a few years for marriage.