Guest Behaviour

[PlasticDinosaur]

Our guests have just left. They're lovely and we enjoy hosting them every year. Multiple families who are helpful with the kids and get involved with cooking and cleaning. We don't ask for any money and provide everything down to nappies and toiletries. But two of them are funny about food and freeload horribly.

We've spent £500 on tickets for a day out, BBQ food, a takeaway, food shop for the weekend, wine and beer. No problem we saved for it, it's our holiday for the year.

They turned up with four beers, very kind -thank you. I put them in the fridge and it was a free for all during the weekend but they didn't get used. So they've taken them home with them. Not a word said, just taken.

At Christmas we made all the food and hosted and asked them to bring cheese. They did and took all the leftovers and their cheese home.

On both occasions they've also taken a bag for life to the fridge and helped themselves because 'youve got way too much in here! Don't want it to go to waste!'

Yesterday I tried to make the meal I'd planned and found they'd used the ingredients to make tupperwares of meals 'so it doesn't go to waste!'. The ingredients were fresh that morning, had a planned purpose and would have been fine for a week.

I find it so so frustrating and rude. My DH says I'm being ridiculous. AIBU?

Sorry but this is so annoying, ffs just say something to them.

Look they aren’t going to change themselves so you need to decide if you want to host them again as they are.

@BritWifeInUSA

You stood by and watched them emptying your fridge? That’s your own fault then.

Sorry, but yes. Why didn't you stop that? Strange.

What the hell?? Of course you’re not being ridiculous! They’re horrendously rude and I’d be pissed off at their cheeky fuckery.

You are far too generous, do they ever invite you to stay with them?

I wouldn’t be inviting them again they are CF.

What does 'indirect family' mean? Can you not just not invite them?

I can see that they would have thought preparing food for you was helpful - and it is a bit precious to get wound up over 1 ingredient.

But - I doubt you'd have cared about that if it wasn't for all the other weird stuff.

Stop being a doormat

Don't entertain them again

Very simple

So it sounds like they are the roll up their sleeves types and muck in. I do have some friends like this. It can be hard to set boundaries. I think the fridge thing is confusing people. As I understand it they took individual food items and combined them into Tupperware meals, is that right?

Taking the beers and cheese back does seem so tight. Any chance they were trying to help by not leaving things taking up space? I hate when people leave stuff. I might be reaching here however.

I would expect guests to help out with the clearing away and stuff like that too.

Please tell me you’re never planning to host these cunts again? They’re not family, they’re piranhas.

@Honeymare

So it sounds like they are the roll up their sleeves types and muck in. I do have some friends like this. It can be hard to set boundaries. I think the fridge thing is confusing people. As I understand it they took individual food items and combined them into Tupperware meals, is that right?

Taking the beers and cheese back does seem so tight. Any chance they were trying to help by not leaving things taking up space? I hate when people leave stuff. I might be reaching here however.

I would expect guests to help out with the clearing away and stuff like that too.

You are definitely reaching.

YANBU

Helping yourself in someone else’s house is unbelievably rude. Why does your DH think you are ridiculous?

The only thing I can kind of see is when DH and I first got together and we still lived apart. My SIL invited us both for Christmas and I was given the cheese course to buy and DP a pudding.
I was a bit hacked off as a single mum to gave to buy enough cheese to feed 7 given it’s pretty expensive plus the crackers and a nice chutney.. Yes they did Christmas dinner but they had been given free turkey and all the meat bits from work.. I left the cheese with them but had to go back home with no left overs for Boxing Day and £40 down. I ‘d have been better off just doing Christmas for just us really. So I can see big groups not being equitable in the circumstances.

Sheesh. Even when I went back to stay at my parents as an adult I used to ask before taking anything from the fridge or food cupboard. I would not be a happy bunny if anyone took stuff from my fridge without asking first.

YABU to be annoyed and not to say anything to them. Why would you do that? 🤷🏻‍♀️ They are obviously being grabby and tight. Did you think honestly think anyone would say differently?

Buying nappies and paying for expensive days out then complaining is daft too.

We used to get a lot of guests when we lived next to the beach. I’d tell some guests that I’d sort out food for one day and could they do the following day. When one lot of guests asked to stay for an extended stay I asked them to contribute to a shop.

I think it’s unfair to be pissed off with people if you don’t tell them.

You're an utter mug.

They are freeloading scrounging twats.

So did you get your ingredients back out of their tupperware and make the meal? Presumably this tupperware was still in your fridge (as where else would they have stored it, since they were still with you, expecting the next meal)? Or had they turned it into another meal, in which case did you serve that?

I hope you told them those were your ingredients for lunch / dinner, not 'leftovers' at all?

How could they possibly presume to know what was 'left over' since the visit and your hospitality hadn't yet concluded?

Cheeky, grabby, greedy guests.

Cheeky buggers.

The £500 tickets is what would get me more, a huge amount. I know you said you saved but would you not have had them contribute or go another time if you knew they couldn't?

If they've travelled a long way, I'd factor in fuel costs in how much this is a give and take.

They sound like the ultimate CFers.

I don’t understand why you had them back after the Christmas CFery?

They wouldn’t be welcome in my house again.

OP, can I come and stay please, feeling a little broke and you could subsidise September for me!

Thank you Mumsnet lots of valid points which has given me perspective that I needed. Yes some odd grabby behaviour but @Honeymare @TatianaBis you're right, the nature of it being one big everyone mucking in changes the dynamic and confuses things so I will get back in my box!

Last bit of information (I promise I will write the original post better in future!) I was making a lasagna. They chopped the tomatoes up into a coriander, cucumber and tomato salad and a salsa, they cooked the onions and garlic down for a soup and made cheese scones with the butter and cheese. All lovely but portions for two or three a piece and we were feeding eleven.

I should be more appreciative. It was a nice thing to do and as pp said not done with knowledge of my plans.

I don't feel able to say anything, we have a lovely time and the kids adore each others company, it's just a pain on the last day. Will plan more carefully for next visit so there is crumbs left on last day

@Datsandcogs yeah come on over. Apparently I'm a mug but at least I'm nice.

Is there any more to this than has already been said as this is really strange behaviour and doesn't make sense. *How do you make sense of it OP knowing this family?

Do they have a deprived background, do they think you are considerably well off, do they genuinely think the food will be wasted otherwise???*

Any insight into this OP?

I have no idea what’s going on here but I think the moral of this story is it’s very confusing having a multiple family who know where your fridge is.