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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guest Behaviour

135 replies

PlasticDinosaur · 29/08/2021 20:15

Our guests have just left. They're lovely and we enjoy hosting them every year. Multiple families who are helpful with the kids and get involved with cooking and cleaning. We don't ask for any money and provide everything down to nappies and toiletries. But two of them are funny about food and freeload horribly.

We've spent £500 on tickets for a day out, BBQ food, a takeaway, food shop for the weekend, wine and beer. No problem we saved for it, it's our holiday for the year.

They turned up with four beers, very kind -thank you. I put them in the fridge and it was a free for all during the weekend but they didn't get used. So they've taken them home with them. Not a word said, just taken.

At Christmas we made all the food and hosted and asked them to bring cheese. They did and took all the leftovers and their cheese home.

On both occasions they've also taken a bag for life to the fridge and helped themselves because 'youve got way too much in here! Don't want it to go to waste!'

Yesterday I tried to make the meal I'd planned and found they'd used the ingredients to make tupperwares of meals 'so it doesn't go to waste!'. The ingredients were fresh that morning, had a planned purpose and would have been fine for a week.

I find it so so frustrating and rude. My DH says I'm being ridiculous. AIBU?

OP posts:
AlmostSummer21 · 29/08/2021 20:37

Got to be parents or Pil?

@Wombat96. I hope not given the OP is providing nappies too 🤣🤣

Rumplestrumpet · 29/08/2021 20:37

I'm guessing you're the parents and it's your student teenage children raising your fridge? It's the only possible explanation I can think of as to why you'd tolerate such incredibly rude behaviour? I mean it's not really ok for older teenagers to behave this way but I'd sort of understand (I was cheeky as hell at that age!). Anything else is just unimaginably rude!

234Pepperplant · 29/08/2021 20:39

“ I’d be tempted to help myself too if I have been your unpaid cook, cleaner and nanny for a week.”

If op is hosting lots of people, maybe the children’s grandparents/aunts/cousins, and she’s cooking for so many people then damn right her guests should help out with watching her kids while she makes breakfast or with peeling potatoes for a big dinner or sweeping up after meals. If you’re part of a big family reunion say then you don’t get to have a luxury holiday at the expense of the hard work of one hosting couple!

Thatsplentyjack · 29/08/2021 20:41

Really weird situation all round. Why are you buying nappies for guests?

I'm going to guess mil and fil? Or someone from your dhs side of the family?

Kithic · 29/08/2021 20:43

Who are they?

What is the cultural Background? Is it possible that they are more of sharing background?

WeAreTheHeroes · 29/08/2021 20:45

My sibling often caters for a large family group and we always make a contribution of bottles of wine, anything we are asked to take (I always check beforehand). We've often provide cheese and I wouldn't dream of taking home what hadn't been eaten.

tiredanddangerous · 29/08/2021 20:48

Well I wouldn't be inviting them back.

Original poster
PlasticDinosaur · 29/08/2021 20:49

It's indirect family yes and their children. Apologies I should have realised that would be relevant. They tag along with the direct family.

I'm not just dropping my children with them and expecting them to polish the house!! We take it in turns to entertain the children. They'll play with all of them and then DH and I will take a turn. We'll cook, they'll clean and vice versa. Gives each couple a bit of a break periodically.

Providing nappies - they travel a fair way in a small car and I like to provide whatever I can so they're not crammed in. It's not a big deal as our child is in the same size. Again sorry I've not thought before I typed.

When they used the ingredients for the stored meals they made I was out walking the dogs and half the kids. Otherwise obviously I would have stopped it. I know that there's a nice element that they're cooking for us but I am a meal planner and it throws me off if the ingredients disappear.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/08/2021 20:49

I don’t understand why you a)allow then to behave like that b)they don’t bring their share

SirGawain · 29/08/2021 20:49

Are they doing okay financially? I'd absolutely hate it, but maybe they are really struggling
Does struggling financially give them the right to freeload off there friends?

SpindleWhorl · 29/08/2021 20:53

I know that there's a nice element that they're cooking for us but I am a meal planner and it throws me off if the ingredients disappear.

So they went in the fridge to cook you all a meal?

Window1 · 29/08/2021 20:57

Is there any more to this than has already been said as this is really strange behaviour and doesn't make sense. How do you make sense of it OP knowing this family?

Do they have a deprived background, do they think you are considerably well off, do they genuinely think the food will be wasted otherwise???

bakingdemon · 29/08/2021 21:02

Then surely you start limiting the invitation to direct family only? If none of them is a blood relative then why are they there in the first place?

Original poster
PlasticDinosaur · 29/08/2021 21:06

@SpindleWhorl It wasn't a meal, it was multiple different salad or snack bits that don't go together. Still sat in the fridge.
I wouldn't be so rude and ungrateful if they'd made an alternative meal.

OP posts:
Itsanewdayforme · 29/08/2021 21:09

Sorry the detail that I can’t get my head around is that they come and clean your house?? That’s the detail that throws me off being able to make a judgement about this situation.
It’s all so… odd. And uncomfortable sounding.

katemuff · 29/08/2021 21:10

Are you American? My DM has been amazed bu her American BIL and SIL behaviour - bagging up food and packing to take home. Totally weird.

Goldbar · 29/08/2021 21:12

Are they cousins or something?

Why can't you just not invite them?

EKGEMS · 29/08/2021 21:12

@katemuff It isn't an American thing to do it's a selfish asshole behavior

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 21:13

This is so hard to comprehend, it’s written one way to start with then irs they cook or clean for us, care for our kids etc.

Either tell the whole story or don’t tell it at all.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 21:13

@Itsanewdayforme

Sorry the detail that I can’t get my head around is that they come and clean your house?? That’s the detail that throws me off being able to make a judgement about this situation. It’s all so… odd. And uncomfortable sounding.
I know. Right? And they cook for them.
Original poster
PlasticDinosaur · 29/08/2021 21:16

@Itsanewdayforme they put dishes in the dishwasher after a meal and will recycle their drinks tins. I'm not getting them scrubbing the bathrooms Grin

OP posts:
ViceLikeBlip · 29/08/2021 21:16

They're taking the piss. When we have guests I would always provide all the food (sometimes they might take us out for lunch, or buy a takeaway one night, but I don't expect this) but i don't know anyone who would go through my fridge while I was out, and help themselves to more than just an obvious snack like a piece of fruit, or yoghurt, or sandwich etc.

SpindleWhorl · 29/08/2021 21:20

Ah, ok. So they're problematic then.

Shoxfordian · 29/08/2021 21:22

They’re either lovely or they’re annoying freeloaders

Which is it?

Beautiful3 · 29/08/2021 21:22

You watched them emptying your fridge, to take home?!?! This is your fault, sorry! Next time, say, "no going through my fridge!" Hide anything they've gifted in the garage, if they ask where it is just say you drank/ate it.