To expect my small children to behave in a restaurant?!

[Whyemseeaye]

We've been out this morning to meet a few of DH friends, who we don't see often, for brunch at a nice restaurant.

Our DC are 20 months and 3.5 years old.

On the whole they're pretty good but I find their behaviour when dining out a bit challenging. They seem to pick up on that and up the ante.

This morning the eldest smacked DH, was whining and generally being a pain. The youngest refused to get in the high chair and started crying every time I attempted to get them in it.

Friends were v understanding. They have children who are slightly older.

I don't know what to do. We go out to eat at least once a week and sometimes they're fine, others not so much. Husband is in to "gentle parenting" which isn't really my style. I expect them to behave and to do what they're told.

I found this morning really embarrassing.

AIBU to think they're old enough to do a little bit better than today's efforts

Really?

You’re expecting WAY too much of a twenty month old.

You can’t ‘expect them to do what they’re told’ without adequate practice and training in place. They’re not born pre-programmed.

Not really sure this is an actual scenario though or some sort of satire/joke post.

Is this a joke TAAT?

What do you take to entertain them? It’s boring for young kids. Popits are very popular here, paper and crayons, small cars etc

Don’t take them out then

I’m not sure what you’re expecting 😂😂

You haven't really gone into detail on things that happen when they behave like that. With my 3 year old ds it would be a firm no and explanation of what we should do followed by a warning that if he does it again we'll be leaving. If it gets to 2 more ignored warnings we'd go home. With a younger child I'd be more lenient.

You should have given them a job to do to keep them occupied.

The smallest one should have been able to manage topping up glasses, for instance. The older one could definitely be invited to participate in the conversation. Did anyone ask their opinion on the Taliban, for example?

We eat out regularly with a 2 year 4 months old. We regularly get smiling comments about how well behaved, doesn't need a high chair, what an angel, lots of waiting staff say it's surprising how little entertainment we need to do, no need for a mobile phone or colouring book distraction etc.

But tbh it's because dh and I are a well oiled machine, we time the table with precision, near to little one being hungry bit not too hungry, only at a certain window of the morning, not ever beyond an hour near naptime, we agree who leaves the table with toddler if kicking off in advance, we bring a couple of certain hit foods in case of even fave food being irrationally rejected, we only dine places we can pay quickly and leave and parking is near.... Honestly it's a fucking stress fest. It's worth the prep but seriously it takes longer to prep the conditions than we spend eating! I even wear unusual jewellery as backup entertainment!

You would look at us a think it's easy . It really isn't!

Don't worry, we haven't got a miracle child, you just don't see the hard work an occasional spectacular failures.

Also I would never ever ever take toddler out for anything more than a small snack alone - outnumbering DC is my number 1 suggestion!!

really

Your DC are so little, you are being very unreasonable by expecting so much of them

Expecting way too much. They are probably bored.

If a 20mo old doesn’t want a high chair, then let them sit in your lap. The DC hitting your DH isn’t ideal but you’re making eating out a high stress situation. Don’t see why you are so upset over this. Your DH is correct about gentle parenting. You need to relax a bit and then the DCs will relax and behave better.

Unfortunately, they are not borg, and given time , the manners will improve with practice.

A tablet is your friend.

@PlanDeRaccordement

If a 20mo old doesn’t want a high chair, then let them sit in your lap. The DC hitting your DH isn’t ideal but you’re making eating out a high stress situation. Don’t see why you are so upset over this. Your DH is correct about gentle parenting. You need to relax a bit and then the DCs will relax and behave better.

*your DH is right about the gentle parenting* says you, the god of parenting.

At this age, the only thing predictable about children is that they're unpredictable.

It's not realistic to expect a long leisurely meal with friends and frankly, sometimes it's only barely realistic to have a smash and grab meal. Make adjustments, do what you need, don't expect more than two courses and get their mains at the same time as your starters. Take entertainment.

It gets better but you have to expect a lot of hard work meals in the meantime.

Yeah your expecting a lot.
Apart from eating it's not the most fun for kids tbh

Thanks @GobbleHobble some useful advice there. I do think on the days we take them out and the timing is right and they're in a good mood it's all lovely. Today wasn't great and it was pretty stressful.

I'm not expecting them to be silent and sit there like statues. Especially not the youngest.

I do expect them to be respectful of other people and their surroundings. I don't think it's ever too young to expect that?!

We bring books, colouring pens, a few toys and an iPad for backup so they've got some stuff to do. We also get them to look at the menus and surroundings.

We're also talking an hour max at the restaurant. Not a three hour leisurely meal and catch up

Gentle parenting… never has a phrase annoyed me so much!

‘We also get them to look at the menu and their surroundings’

Oh no. You’re performance parents aren’t you?

The 3.5 year old should be able to give it a shot for up to an hour, so long as you're interacting with them and the food comes quickly.

You're expecting far too much of the 20 month old. The only way we secured compliance at that age was screens or quiet toys tied to the high chair.

20 months is tiny! There’s no reasoning with them at all, YABVU sorry.

At twenty months they won’t have developed the capacity to give a shiny shite of being respectful of random people in a restaurant, no.