To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

First thread

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4332702-to-not-want-an-awake-child-around-at-11pm-when-i-m-on-holiday

You're my kind of person OP!

On this...
The 'if anyone tells my child off they're in trouble' brigade have bratty awful kids IME

Our NDNs have/had an Alyssa. We're a social lot round here and they always insisted on bringing her to every late night party, social do for adults, meals round at my house.
It was infuriating as she would come in shouting "I'm HERE NOW" and expect everyone's convo to stop and her to be centre of attention. She would continually interrupt conversations and make demands.

Roll on the years, and now she is an over confident pain in the butt who I swerve whenever I can. The father has now taken to documenting how wonderful she is on FB continually, she's nearly 30 FFS! It's embarrassing.

@ny20005

I feel for teachers. I got a phone call about my 'spirited' teens behaviour. Teacher was audibly surprised at my reaction

Clearly all the other parents he'd phoned followed the gentle parenting approach

I gave them permission to give him detention at lunch time & suggested the punishment they were planning wasn't enough 😂

Op, I've been in similar situations with extended family holidays. We just took our drinks off & left them to discuss crap with a pre schooler 😂

I work in a school and the best call we had last year was the parent asking what the child’s detention was for. When told he was rightly livid and asked us if we could also add on a Saturday detention as well

When I’m used to dealing with those same few parents who abdicate their parenting to us very chance they get, it was a bloody lovely change.

@MessyLifeCleanHouse

I wouldn’t exactly call her a shit friend?

I think the one slagging off an 8 year old to a group of strangers is the shit friend. You don’t sound very nice to be around, shouting at others kids? If you ever spoke to my child in any such way I’d be speaking to you in the exact same manner.

I’ll probably get jumped on for going against the majority here as your clearly very popular bitching about your “friend” and her child. However, it would be very very annoying to be in your situation I wouldn’t like it either but I wouldn’t of stopped this low.

Piffle.

If one of my children was misbehaving I’d be quite happy for another adult to tell them off.

@Dangermouse5 in fairness Monopoly is the work of the devil for competitive people, it was banned in our house growing up after many Christmases of board flips from various people

Reminds me of Monica in Friends not even being allowed to play football even in adulthood 😂

No not football, Gellerball!

she said no, she's getting sick of this nonsense with Alyssa and we will have 'one last hurrah' tonight and get them all to bed on time.

Wondering whether that is her real, honest intention or is it just that friend is a bit of a people pleaser who agrees with whoever she is speaking to at the time?

The proof of the pudding would be how she responds when Alyssa plays up this evening. My money is on Alyssa winning because she is prepared to do whatever it takes to secure her mother's attention.

I don't care for this in a friend, it feels to me as if the friend is lying about they want, just to agree with the OP. If the friend really wanted their eight yo child to stay in their room they could surely manage at, if they were prepared to deal with the child.

It seems as if friend prioritises not upsetting people around them. Wonder what their own parents were like, did they demand obedience?

If one of my children was misbehaving I’d be quite happy for another adult to tell them off.

Same

When you're a single parent you need all the help you can get too

I'm secondary. Plastic Orchard re you saying it is bollocks because it is, or because it doesn't happen? I can very much assure you it happens.

OP I’d also love to know where you are. Read one of your last posts when we were on holiday and we were really near you (only remember as you were describing a horrific road we’d just driven!) expect you are holidaying within our driving distance.

I had a call from school asking how I had got my 6yo to do her writing while homeschooling as she was refusing and getting upset about it at school. I told them I started at 'come on, isn't this fun? We'll do this then go play outside with bubbles/chalks/bikes/whatever'. On days this didn't work I progressed to 'no electronics/craft activity/whatever fun until it is done'. Any rudeness she goes to her room or the step to think about how she'd like to talk to me. I told school I wouldn't tolerate it and they were welcome to tell me at the end of the day and I would remove privileges. I did suggest not taking away lunch play as they had done in the past as I think 6yos need fresh air and to run around otherwise behaviour would be worse in the afternoon.

The teacher looked shocked and said they couldn't do any of that, they would keep trying to convince her if I could just 'have a word' 🙄🙄

I love your username by the way! I need to find that film and watch it again

Can’t bear non-assertive adults. Just say what you need to your mate and come to a compromise. A two-thread saga about how awesome you and your daughter are in comparison to another 8 year old girl is just mean spirited and smug - no matter how many mumsnet squares you have replying to you telling you that you’re the greatest mumsnet commenter ever because you said every night was wine night or whatever ‘live laugh love’-esque, ‘wine time’ phrase you came out with.

@Glugglejug

Can’t bear non-assertive adults. Just say what you need to your mate and come to a compromise. A two-thread saga about how awesome you and your daughter are in comparison to another 8 year old girl is just mean spirited and smug - no matter how many mumsnet squares you have replying to you telling you that you’re the greatest mumsnet commenter ever because you said every night was wine night or whatever ‘live laugh love’-esque, ‘wine time’ phrase you came out with.

The OP’s mean spirited? I think you could give lessons.

for later

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop you are so funny, I’m looking forward to reading about how your final night pans out. We need live updates!

Let us know when you’re ready so I can get my wine 🍷

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop thank you for such entertaining threads, you are a legend. And I’ve learned loads about what not to do when DS grows up!! Good luck with the new relationship. I hope he is at least half as entertaining as you!

I once had occasion to tell off a lad who decided to try throwing his weight around with younger boys; not typical of him, and I made it clear that it wasn't acceptable, didn't he remember being one of the littlies, etc. As far as I was concerned, a brisk "up and downer" nipped the behaviour in the bud. It's not unknown for the start of the school year to see resetting of the pecking order. He apparently took it on the chin and made no attempt at backchat etc.
The next day, Mummy appeared, telling me that he was "really upset when you told him off yesterday". I think her reproachful tone was supposed to wrack with me with guilt. She recoiled in doe-eyed horror when I explained "Well, I set out to make an impression!" As far as I was concerned, he had seen the error of his ways, apologised, the unpleasant behaviour had stopped and the atmosphere was cleared. I was never going to drag it up again if he'd taken the point.
She seemed genuinely afraid of incurring his wrath.
More than one parent reportedly told the Head, "He knows where he is", and lack of boundaries can actually be unsettling.

@Yesitsbess

I wasnt fully aware of this gentle parenting lark until I read all this. I've now realised that is what is happening at my friends primary school:

Child (5) behaves badly towards another child, is invited for a "chat" about what caused the behaviour and then invited...INVITED to draw a picture for the other child if they would like to apologise.

Of course they want to draw a bloody picture and "have a chat". That's absolutely zero consequences for them!

My flabber has never been so gasted I can tell you.

I'm struggling a little bit with this with DS's - otherwise wonderful - nursery. They've spoken to me a couple of times about him hitting or pushing other children; we were horrified, spoke to him about this, bought books about playing nicely, etc., and were otherwise at a bit of a loss as to what to do as he never does this when playing with other children when he's with us - he went through a stage of hitting us when he was two, but we dealt with that by putting him in another room briefly when he did it, which seemed quite effective. But when I spoke to them a bit further it turned out that if a child does this at nursery the child is then taken to one side for a chat and then to read a book 'to calm down'. DS adores his keyworker, being read to is one of his favourite things and it seems obvious to me - so obvious I feel like I'm missing something - that he is essentially being rewarded if he does this and so of course he does it again?

Hehe op this is very true , that's why we don't play it with DS - he once flipped the board too on the rare time he was losing ...

• @Dangermouse5 in fairness Monopoly is the work of the devil for competitive people, it was banned in our house growing up after many Christmases of board flips from various people*

Reminds me of Monica in Friends not even being allowed to play football even in adulthood 😂 and your later correction to Gellerball Ross and Monica's relationship just cracks me up . Rachel being told to go long and so happy to just once have the ball...

@Glugglejug. Aren’t you a little bundle of joy, have you had your SOH surgically removed ? I actually think the OP was right to come on MN to vent - it doesn’t mean she’s not assertive. She’s letting off steam - the alternative is to confront the friend, potentially risking a row and ruining the holiday for everyone. Pardon us ‘squares’ for taking part in what’s been a mostly lighthearted and entertaining thread. I’d rather be a MN Square than a killjoy !!

I also got that book...how to talk so small kids will listen. I also thought it was a bag of shit

Thank God I'm not alone.

My kid isn't even smart, but he is smarter than that book gives him credit for.

I am a fairly strict parent whenever I need to be, also doing it on my own. But I must admit, this thread caused me to sit up a bit straighter again.
Had a friend over yesterday, and after interrupting us a couple of times, my daughter was sent upstairs. It is important that they know we value our adult time, isn't it? I told her last night if she does it again, I am going to join her and her friends when they visit next, interrupting and asking questions about what they are talking about. Think I got the message loud and clear to her, she looked horrified.
Please tell us where you are holidaying? It sounds like a fab place.

Reminds me of a few years ago, on holiday in UK with a close friend who lives abroad, who I hadn't seen for a couple of years. She allowed her tweens to stay up past 11pm every night, ensuring we never had a single moment for adult chat. They were good kids, not 'Alyssas' but I was definitely a victim of the starry eyed parenting which meant that she thought I'd be delighted to be in their company 24/7.

It certainly put me off visiting her in her home abroad.

@CreamCabbages

She doesn't come across as any of those things

However in your post you come across as incredibly smug

HTH