Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Every bloody week it's the same

232 replies

countrygirl99 · 27/08/2021 18:33

I have a system for planning my weekly shop. It's been the same for years. There is a notepad in the kitchen and during the weeks if you notice a store cupboard item or toiletries etc are getting low you are supposed to write it on the pad. Friday I plan the meals for the week. I go through each meal and make sure we have the ingredients in the cupboard or on the shopping list then add anything else that is on the notepad. That way we should have everything we need. Every bloody week I'll be working my way through the meal plan checking the ingredients and DH will randomly ask for his shower gel or marmite or whatever meaning I loose my train of thought. I've taken to refusing to put it on the shopping lit unless he has written it on the notepad to try and train him. Apparently it is totally unreasonable to expect him to remember to use the system but not unreasonable for him to disrupt my train of thought.

YABU - bless, he's a man it's too complicated for his simple mind.
YANBU - make him go without if he doesn't floor hge system.

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 29/08/2021 08:10

Your system doesn't work.

It doesn't work for your DH.

It doesn't work for you as it makes you angry.

Your system doesn't work, you are angry because you want it to, but it doesn't work. You can't fix a problem if you won't acknowledge theres a problem.

Does your dh actually want to arrange the cooking and shopping for the home like this? It seems like you have found the most complex and stressful way to acquire food for the family.

Its a system that makes you angry weekly. Its a system he can't stick to. Its a system that you find so hard you can't cope with the slight interruption of being asked to add something else without losing your train of thought - so obviously you find it mentally difficult. What makes you think this is a good idea for the household you chose to live in?

diamondpony80 · 29/08/2021 08:15

Sounds like a very stressful system for you. Meal planning shouldn't be that difficult.

KaptainKaveman · 29/08/2021 08:20

There's an old Hammer Horror short about a loony man like this, OP. He is obsessed with cleanliness, neatness, and most of all his cupboard system. He abuses his poor messy wife for not being able to abide by his meticulous standards. In the end she hacks him to pieces with an axe, neatly pickles each of his body parts into jars and arranges them tidily in his cupboard. Then she smiles triumphantly and declares there's a "place for everything and everything is in its place" with that unhinged smile you only ever see in camp Hammer films from the '60s. Wink. 'Vault of Horror', I believe.

BigFatLiar · 29/08/2021 08:21

If its the interruptions that are the issue take your notebook and go somewhere on your own to prepare your list.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 29/08/2021 08:21

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I would however give him the opportunity after you've finished to add things "here's the shopping list, add anything you need."

EatYourVegetables · 29/08/2021 08:25

YANBU. Once or twice it’s excusable. Decades of this nonsense would mean patio from me unfortunately. Grin

Thatsplentyjack · 29/08/2021 08:27

Who could be bothered being annoyed about so.ethjngnlike this for decades!

Kotatsu · 29/08/2021 08:28

You're not his secretary. The list is there and open to all. If he wants it, he can write it on it.

See also 'do we have any cheese' rather than walking over to the fridge.

It's just fucking lazy, and not valuing your time and effort as much as he does his

BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 29/08/2021 08:35

We tried this system in our house but the same thing happened. People including me forgot to put it on the list!

We now have a WhatsApp group entitled weekly shop and whenever anyone thinks or notices something they ping it to the group. I usually message the morning before I do the planning to ask if anyone needs anything as a polite reminder. Works a charm!

diddl · 29/08/2021 08:38

If you won't put it on the list as you are so busy "going through the cupboards", why doesn't he just put stuff on a seperate list at that point?

It does sound as if you make a meal of it all though.

Subbaxeo · 29/08/2021 08:47

@newnortherner111

You suggest it happens every week. Yet before starting, you don't ask your DH if there is anything he would like?
Best suggestion I’ve read. Sorts out the problem.
DroopyClematis · 29/08/2021 08:52

Honestly, if I was writing a list and someone else called out 'marmite' I'd just put it on the list.

MangoBiscuit · 29/08/2021 08:53

I can see both sides here. I think it's a little controlling to say that it has to be written on the list, prior to you sorting the meal planner / finalising the list. I also think it's pretty thoughtless for your DH to interrupt every time.

As I see it, your DH has 3 options if he wants you to pick up his shower gel;
He writes it on the list (obviously this doesn't work)
He buys it himself
He waits until you've finished, THEN asks you.

I'd go for option 3, no extra effort for him, no annoyance for you, all he has to do is wait a couple of minutes.

You've implied you asked him not to interrupt you as you lose your train of thought, if I did read that right, what did he say back? What was his reasoning?

MaryBoBary · 29/08/2021 08:58

I really dislike this casual sexism that seems to be acceptable from women on Mumsnet:

YABU - bless, he's a man it's too complicated for his simple mind.

It's so patronising and rude. I'm sure the response will be that it was "lighthearted" but I don't think it would be seen that way if a man said it about a woman. Also, if you are writing the list then what does it matter if you are writing it after reading it from another list or being told verbally? Get over yourself and your shopping list and try not to be so sexist in the future.

TheWeatherWitch · 29/08/2021 08:59

You suggest it happens every week. Yet before starting, you don't ask your DH if there is anything he would like

Nailed it!

MaryBoBary · 29/08/2021 08:59

@burritofan

People calling you unreasonable or controlling seem to be missing that you’re doing all the work and your husband is interrupting you. Repeatedly.
Doing all the work... you mean writing a shopping list?
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 29/08/2021 08:59

I have a list as well-a chalkboard in kitchen @countrygirl99 and I make it very clear that it needs to go on the list or I won't remember/add it. If anyone would talk to me me whilst I was doing it I would tell them to message me and not interrupt my train of thought!!
I am very clear on this!!!

I think they have gotten the message at this point...

I do a whats app to our family chat reminding everyone I am placing order and ask for requests-but YDNBU at all.

The fact that he does it every week is frustrating and annoying!

Bancha · 29/08/2021 08:59

We have a similar system here. We both put things on the list as we think of them. We also both forget to put things on the list as we’re busy. So we add extras to the list as we’re doing the meal planning but no one gets angry over it. I am rarely team DH on here but I do think you’re being a bit dramatic. If the system isn’t working for either of you, maybe you could change the system?

Jobsharenightmare · 29/08/2021 09:01

If the system isn’t working for either of you, maybe you could change the system?

^ excellent advice

diddl · 29/08/2021 09:02

@DroopyClematis

Honestly, if I was writing a list and someone else called out 'marmite' I'd just put it on the list.
Bit of a radical suggestion there!

People are either going to love it or hate itGrin

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 29/08/2021 09:03

I can’t imagine this set up! If you are working, or talking to someone on the phone, or going to the loo, or doing your fake tan, or having a bath, or reading a book, or anything really that doesn’t involve your husband, does he interrupt then? Surely there’s a time and place for doing your list undisturbed and away from the annoying interruptions 🙂

Motherdare · 29/08/2021 09:04

I think YABU but I don’t like how you’ve written your YABU YANBU reasons!

You sound like an absolute control freak. I can’t imagine existing in such a stifling home with a “system” for being allowed to add something to a shopping list. Losing your train of thought because someone speaks to you while you’re jotting down ingredients for dinner??

RantyAunty · 29/08/2021 09:05

Can you do it when he's not there to interrupt?

My ex was like that in every time I would sit down to make a list, count things, calculate something, he would start talking and wouldn't shut up.

starfishmummy · 29/08/2021 09:06

Because I have been tellinghim thatfor decades and he still does it. It doesn't work.

Why have you continued using a system that doesn't work for decades? Surely the sensible thing to do would be to evaluate what is wrong with it and change how you do things to suit you both?

georgarina · 29/08/2021 09:06

This would really annoy me. It's just ignoring what you've asked and inconveniencing you for no reason, and letting you know that what you want is unimportant.

My dad does the same kind of things. Every time he comes over I ask him to take his shoes off and he ignores me, for example. It's just basic disrespect.