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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF part two. Voldemutt and the philosopher's bone

436 replies

Purplewishes · 27/08/2021 15:12

Can't actually believe this has needed a second thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4331756-CF-DSD-DSDs-mum-and-dog

For any new stragglers jumping on for the ride I will try and summerise.
DSD has a dog at her mum's. Dog pisses and shits on the floor.
I'm up to my tits with my own kids with a toddler and newborn twins.
DH ex asked me to walk dog, I said absolutely fucking not.
Been lies and twisted truths about who's looking after dog.
DHs ex has fucked off on holiday anyway.
dSD has taken responsibility for walking dog but need DH to ferry her back and forward
Dog has now been renamed as voldemutt
DH has been told if voldemutt crosses the door he will be drop kicked out the door.
Once again to reiterate I'm having fuck all to do with voldemutt and plan to just sit back and watch the drama unfold (while drinking wine)

So where did we leave off?
DH took DSD at half 5 to her house to walk the dog before school no problem. The plan we were told was that a nice caring neighbour was going to walk voldemutt while DSD at school.

I was out with twins today with a friend with the buggys and we went a scenic route (this was about half 11) and who do I see walking voldemutt??????? DSD.

DSD should be at school (were in Scotland) so I'm guessing that DSD has dogged school in order to be there to walk voldemutt and there was never a neighbour involved. Now DSD didn't see me and I haven't mentioned it to her or to DH yet but I have full intentions of asking her how her day at school was when she gets home and then firing a million detailed questions about her day to see at what point she admits she was not at school.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 27/08/2021 18:05

I feel very sorry for the DSD and even more sorry for the poor bloody dog. I can't believe the ex was prepared to leave the poor thing shut in alone most of the weekend. What a prize cow she is.

I'd love to have the dog to stay, and I'm really good at housetraining the little hairy buggers, too.

NumberTheory · 27/08/2021 18:06

You could've had the mutt in the house for a couple of days and made her life a hell of a lot easier.

Bet she feels a big part of the family with you putting your foot down and putting her in an awful situation.
Remember she didn't ask for any of this

I agree the daughter didn’t ask for any of this, but suggesting that she should be prioritised over the safety of OP’s twins and toddler is not reasonable. OP had good reason to say no. A dog in an usual environment with an adult who is not confident around them, a toddler and newborn twins is an accident waiting to happen. And not just an accident with poo and piss.

LakieLady · 27/08/2021 18:06

[quote Purplewishes]@boatingforthestars Jesus Christ get off your nimbus 3000

I plan to ask DSD to see if she LIES as lying in our household is a huge no and DSD has learned the hard way in the past about lying.[/quote]
I'd go easy on her, tbh. She's been put in an awful position by the ex.

OhSmellyCatSmellyCat · 27/08/2021 18:07

*argument not agreement FFS 🙄

Original poster
Purplewishes · 27/08/2021 18:07

@ohsmellyCatSmellyCat no I don't intend to play games with her. Just ask her how school was. If she comes clean we will get the full story and take it from there. If she lies the normal no Xbox rule will apply. That seems appropriate no?

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 27/08/2021 18:07

Poor dsd. She knows you’ve dug your heels in because she told you truth and probably got a load of nagging off her mum. If she tells you truth, she’ll probably get in trouble, if she lies she’ll get in trouble. Poor bloody kid tbh.

DrJohnZoidberg · 27/08/2021 18:07

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DrJohnZoidberg · 27/08/2021 18:08

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Bonheurdupasse · 27/08/2021 18:09

OP you’re absolutely right in what you’re doing.
People still trying to say you should have taken the dog in are likely CFs themselves.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 27/08/2021 18:12

@icelollycraving I can absolutely guarantee that if she tells the truth she won't get into trouble, we've practised this rule about telling the truth for a long time. Plus if it's something she has agreed with her mum then there's fuck all i can say or do and there won't be any consequence on our end because that's an agreement she has with her mum. Then it's up to DH to have it out with ex as I meant it when I said I was having fuck all else to do with that side of it

God it's a tough crowd tonight.

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 27/08/2021 18:13

Reading some of these comments I can see why we have a snowflake generation 😂

The kid is old enough to know right from wrong, she’s old enough to know that actually walking around a field when she’s supposed to be at school is quite dangerous is something was to happen to her and everyone thought she was at school, she wouldn’t be looked for, for hours. Yes worst case scenario but it’s not good enough to just not go to school, yes the dog needs looking after but clearly the kid isn’t responsible enough, regardless of if the mum told her to or not, she should know better.
She is 13 not 3, I dunno why asking how her day at school was to see if she lies is a big deal? It’s seems like the girl needs to learn some lessons here.

AngelPrint · 27/08/2021 18:16

[quote Purplewishes]@icelollycraving I can absolutely guarantee that if she tells the truth she won't get into trouble, we've practised this rule about telling the truth for a long time. Plus if it's something she has agreed with her mum then there's fuck all i can say or do and there won't be any consequence on our end because that's an agreement she has with her mum. Then it's up to DH to have it out with ex as I meant it when I said I was having fuck all else to do with that side of it

God it's a tough crowd tonight.[/quote]
Ignore the Deatheaters @Purplewishes, they’re being a bit weird tonight.
We have same rule re liars. Can’t abide lies.
But a truth (even a bad one) is always respected.

VinylCafe · 27/08/2021 18:17

I see nothing wrong with your approach to DSD. You need to get to the bottom of this mess and need to ask tough questions to do it. DSD also needs to know she can trust you and doesn't need to lie to you (especially if ex tells her to).

Boatingforthestars · 27/08/2021 18:19

[quote Purplewishes]@boatingforthestars Jesus Christ get off your nimbus 3000

I plan to ask DSD to see if she LIES as lying in our household is a huge no and DSD has learned the hard way in the past about lying.[/quote]
But what if her mum told her to lie, what if she felt there was no other option?
Surely you're not going to punish a child for something her mum potencially asked her to do?
What do you actually expect her to do in this situation, it's easy for you to wash your hands of the mutt problem, but she cant and has to do something either way.
Her options are she abandons the dog and upsets her mum, or sorts the dog and upsets you. She literally can't win.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 27/08/2021 18:19

Ignore the Deatheaters @Purplewishes, they’re being a bit weird tonight.. 🤣🤣

prettybird · 27/08/2021 18:20

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MadeForThis · 27/08/2021 18:21

DSD may have decided to skip school herself.

Presented with the opportunity to simply not get changed into her uniform and go to school, she may have decided to stay home.

Justifying it by thinking she's looking after the dog.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 27/08/2021 18:21

@Boatingforthestars

You could've had the mutt in the house for a couple of days and made her life a hell of a lot easier.

OP explained in her first thread why this wasn't an option.

MinnieGirl · 27/08/2021 18:22

[quote Purplewishes]@icelollycraving I can absolutely guarantee that if she tells the truth she won't get into trouble, we've practised this rule about telling the truth for a long time. Plus if it's something she has agreed with her mum then there's fuck all i can say or do and there won't be any consequence on our end because that's an agreement she has with her mum. Then it's up to DH to have it out with ex as I meant it when I said I was having fuck all else to do with that side of it

God it's a tough crowd tonight.[/quote]
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

And a trip to the Three Broomsticks sounds even more reasonable..

DrJohnZoidberg · 27/08/2021 18:22

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Original poster
Purplewishes · 27/08/2021 18:23

@angelPrint clearly voldemutt has touched the dark bark and has all the death eaters run to his aide. Shame they couldn't all run to walk him and we wouldn't be in this predicament

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 27/08/2021 18:23

@Purplewishes MN does have a tendency to take a turn during a saga, normally by posters who like to go against the grain just for some attention in the sea of replies in agreement with the OP.

Yes, the ex has behaved appalingly, and DSD is caught in the middle. But lying to you about it is not acceptable.

If she does come clean (initially or eventually), there may well be tears and worry about the dog now as there was in fact no kindly neighbour after all. What will you do then?

harriethoyle · 27/08/2021 18:24

Definitely smoke out the lying @Purplewishes. Absolutely not on...

RookieRoo · 27/08/2021 18:24

[quote Purplewishes]@icelollycraving I can absolutely guarantee that if she tells the truth she won't get into trouble, we've practised this rule about telling the truth for a long time. Plus if it's something she has agreed with her mum then there's fuck all i can say or do and there won't be any consequence on our end because that's an agreement she has with her mum. Then it's up to DH to have it out with ex as I meant it when I said I was having fuck all else to do with that side of it

God it's a tough crowd tonight.[/quote]
You're doing great, OP. Still here and rooting for you!!

IGoWalkingAfterMidnight · 27/08/2021 18:26

the 'dark bark' brilliant Grin