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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF part two. Voldemutt and the philosopher's bone

436 replies

Purplewishes · 27/08/2021 15:12

Can't actually believe this has needed a second thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4331756-CF-DSD-DSDs-mum-and-dog

For any new stragglers jumping on for the ride I will try and summerise.
DSD has a dog at her mum's. Dog pisses and shits on the floor.
I'm up to my tits with my own kids with a toddler and newborn twins.
DH ex asked me to walk dog, I said absolutely fucking not.
Been lies and twisted truths about who's looking after dog.
DHs ex has fucked off on holiday anyway.
dSD has taken responsibility for walking dog but need DH to ferry her back and forward
Dog has now been renamed as voldemutt
DH has been told if voldemutt crosses the door he will be drop kicked out the door.
Once again to reiterate I'm having fuck all to do with voldemutt and plan to just sit back and watch the drama unfold (while drinking wine)

So where did we leave off?
DH took DSD at half 5 to her house to walk the dog before school no problem. The plan we were told was that a nice caring neighbour was going to walk voldemutt while DSD at school.

I was out with twins today with a friend with the buggys and we went a scenic route (this was about half 11) and who do I see walking voldemutt??????? DSD.

DSD should be at school (were in Scotland) so I'm guessing that DSD has dogged school in order to be there to walk voldemutt and there was never a neighbour involved. Now DSD didn't see me and I haven't mentioned it to her or to DH yet but I have full intentions of asking her how her day at school was when she gets home and then firing a million detailed questions about her day to see at what point she admits she was not at school.

OP posts:
HopeHappy · 27/08/2021 16:17

@SpacePotato

Would the school not contact her father if she hasn't turned up for school?
Possibly DH's ex as a first port of call which leads to one of two possibilities:
  • the school called DSD's DM and she's given them a reasonable excuse; or (more likely);
  • it was DSD's DM's idea in the first place and she has, as others have pointed out, put her own leisure time/entertainment above her DD's education and poor DD has been cajoled in to lying about it and hiding the truth.

I do feel sorry for DSD - she must feel torn.

Yes, kennels aren't too expensive, but you probably have to prove vaccinations to let them stay. With the attitude to leaving the VP at home and the toilet training issues, how much do you want to bet the VP isn't up to date with its vaccinations too, so a kennel stay was never going to be allowed.

diddl · 27/08/2021 16:18

I don't agree with her skipping school, but it seems the first bit of responsibility anyone has shown to the poor dog!

ElephantOfRisk · 27/08/2021 16:18

My bet is that mum knew and either called her in sick or with a positive LFT. I think most schools have a text alert system so at least one number would be contacted - probably her mum's if they haven't already been phoned.

I also feel sorry for DSD who has been put in the middle here and been pushed into lies to various people. Not the OPS fault at all I should add.

TheWoleb · 27/08/2021 16:19

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson

Not an autocorrect. That's what we call skipping a day of school.

esloquehay · 27/08/2021 16:20

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BluebellsGreenbells · 27/08/2021 16:20

Wow does the plot thicken!

Has Ex rang her in sick or something?

TulipsTwoLips · 27/08/2021 16:21

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rumpelrumpel · 27/08/2021 16:23

Poor DSD. Sounds like she’s been leant on to look after the dog,maybe?

Stick to your guns OP.

Popetthetreehugger · 27/08/2021 16:24

Place marking to say that dogging is a word in essex too ….. but it didn’t mean skipping school 🤣🤦‍♀️🚗🚗

Thunderpunt · 27/08/2021 16:26

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EyebeIbewe · 27/08/2021 16:26

If her DM gave her permission to wag school then that's a safeguarding issue.

Oh don't be ridiculous, lots of parents give permission for their children to miss school on occasion.

Sally872 · 27/08/2021 16:30

Ex must have rang in sick, or got the call to say she didn't turn up so either way she knows.

DancesWithTortoises · 27/08/2021 16:30

@EyebeIbewe

If her DM gave her permission to wag school then that's a safeguarding issue.

Oh don't be ridiculous, lots of parents give permission for their children to miss school on occasion.

What a daft response. In the schools where I worked a child bunking off to look after a dog with the permission of a parent would be of concern and discussed. Obviously.
Walkingalot · 27/08/2021 16:30

Popetthetreehugger - I had to cringe when I saw people referring to dogging. It's skiving or bunking off which now I think of it, sounds rude also. Grin

Eralos · 27/08/2021 16:31

Why do you think she wasn’t at school?

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/08/2021 16:32

Eh @Eralos the OP says she saw DSD walking the dog at a time when she should have been in school. I think that'll be why she think's she wasn't in school...

Mix56 · 27/08/2021 16:33

Is it possible that DDwent home & lay on the sofa before going to school & fell asleep ?
In which case she could have rung you & said she missed school
Anyway, DD is in trouble for lying.
XW needs a thorough bollocking from H.
& I think its pretty hard on DD having to get up at 5.30 then go to school,
although she has the w/e to recover

prettybird · 27/08/2021 16:33

@Eralos : RTFT Hmm. She saw her walking the dog when DSD should have been in school Confused

Paq · 27/08/2021 16:35

I don't think an ill judged, one-off "oh shit, I've got no one to look after the dog I'll lie about my kid being sick" meets the threshold of safeguarding, especially with such enormous levels of neglect, deprivation and dysfunction that schools deal with on a daily basis.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/08/2021 16:36

Hmmmm - I'd let her father know that she left school again to walk the dog. I doubt very much that that is ok!
I don't agree that DSD should get off completely from this - she's being deceitful, and unless she owns up first chance when the OP or her father ask her about today, then she'll be lying to them. This is Not Ok and should not be allowed to slide!

Yeah, she's in a shit position with her pet - but the person who PUT her in that position is her mother. That does not justify current behaviour!

DrJohnZoidberg · 27/08/2021 16:36

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snowgecko · 27/08/2021 16:38

Please just tell DSD that you know she wasn't at school - if you ask how school was she'll lie, then have to lie some more, and keep digging herself in deeper. You want to know what's happened, not catch her out. (It's her parent you want to catch out.)

Or, if you want to give her the chance to come clean, something along the lines of "Were you at school all day today? Bear in mind I wouldn't normally ask, so I already know the answer."

Consequences, yes. But some understanding that she was put into this position by her Mum's actions.

(And you clearly have a good relationship - and have been brilliant throughout this saga.)

ElephantOfRisk · 27/08/2021 16:38

I took Eralos' question to be asking about OPs thoughts for the reason she wasn't at school, not about how the OP knew that she wasn't.

Tirediam · 27/08/2021 16:39

Poor dog and DSD.. :(

TopBlogger · 27/08/2021 16:40

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