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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

278 replies

schoolsoutforever · 27/08/2021 13:16

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

OP posts:

Newnewnew1179 · 27/08/2021 18:38

I think it’s absolutely fine OP. My 2 are similar ages and we often do a Sunday afternoon dog walk and pop in to the pub for a drink. Sometimes they come but sometimes they don’t want to and they like the house to themselves on occasion. I don’t expect my oldest to babysit my youngest, they are both old enough to be left at home for a while. We also sometimes text them and ask them to start making dinner
I don’t understand why people are saying no because it’s the pub or saying they find going to pubs weird? Why is that in any way relevant? I agree with everyone saying gradual steps towards independence for children is good for them and I also think if DH and I occasionally get a couple of hours to ourselves to have a proper chat (which pubs are great for) that’s good for everyone.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 27/08/2021 18:40

I remember parents who used to leave their kids so they could go to the pub when I was a teen.

There's no way I'll ever be THAT sort of parent.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/08/2021 18:43

That kind of parent
PMSL

GintyMcGinty · 27/08/2021 18:46

THAT sort of parent

🤣🤣🤣

satci · 27/08/2021 18:48

@Idontbelieveit14

Not for the pub

Why?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/08/2021 18:50

If you leave them
To go to church Baby Jesus will look after them

Clymene · 27/08/2021 18:53

I'm curious what people do with their children during the school holidays/after school if they think being left alone while your parents are in the pub 5 mins away is terrible?

There are no childminders who do care for teenagers.

Do you all have nannies for your teenagers? Are you all SAHMs?

Honestly, how does it work? I'm really mystified.

RedHelenB · 27/08/2021 18:55

If they couldn't be left then I think I'd be worrying about how well I'd done as a parent in all honesty. Yanbu.

CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 19:01

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning
🤣🤣🤣

shinynewapple21 · 27/08/2021 19:02

@Sillysop92

I’ve left my 12 year old on his own loads of times, especially during lockdown as I couldn’t get him a key worker slot so he homeschooled himself on occasions. I often walk the dog in the evening and have walked passed the pub and popped in for a quick one. It’s no big deal! He just games on the computer and eats crisps. So go and have fun!

I first read this post to mean that when you pop into the pub, your dog eats crisps and plays the gaming machine !

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 27/08/2021 19:16

I think I was probably about 15 and a friend about 12 when we were put on a train together to be met by her aunt at the other end. 2 hr journey. That sort of thing was seen as a bit of a rite of passage when I was a kid, like getting the bus to school when you were 11 (public bus, one mile walk the other end).

So OP, go to the pub and have a fab time!

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 19:32

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning

I remember parents who used to leave their kids so they could go to the pub when I was a teen.

There's no way I'll ever be THAT sort of parent.

What, the kind of parent who raises their kids to be independent and to cope alone for a while?

I know, it's utterly disgusting isn't it

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 19:33

I first read this post to mean that when you pop into the pub, your dog eats crisps and plays the gaming machine !

To be fair, my dog would LOVE to be left with a packet of crisps

SeoultoSeoul · 27/08/2021 20:05

We have a huge garden. If I'm in certain parts of it I'm further away than if I'd gone down to the pub. But no one would question me for being out weeding a border. Its double standards isn't it?

SusieBob · 27/08/2021 20:20

@MrsScrubbithatescleaning

I remember parents who used to leave their kids so they could go to the pub when I was a teen.

There's no way I'll ever be THAT sort of parent.

Normal?

betterwithage · 27/08/2021 21:16

"Never be that sort of parent"😡😡😡
Only you are your partner know the maturity & strengths/weaknesses of your children. At this age leaving the kids for a couple of hours is fine. They might enjoy the responsibility or just not really give a crap.

Monsoonmavis · 27/08/2021 21:24

As a one of, yes, I would leave them to go out. As a regular occurrence several times a week, no way.

UserStillatLarge · 27/08/2021 22:15

@Clymene

I'm curious what people do with their children during the school holidays/after school if they think being left alone while your parents are in the pub 5 mins away is terrible?

There are no childminders who do care for teenagers.

Do you all have nannies for your teenagers? Are you all SAHMs?

Honestly, how does it work? I'm really mystified.

Nothing happens to teenagers if you leave them on their own during school holidays to go to WORK.

But if you go the PUB then the house will automatically catch on fire and your teenager will be destined to fail all their exams and become destitute because they have such dreadful parents.

Glad I cleared that up for you :)

dcilovett · 27/08/2021 22:53

You must not go to the pub OP, you must not have any fun, you must stay home and think only of the children. Until they are 16 or 17 when they are old enough to leave home, get married, and join the military - then you must leave them to live their own best lives until they're ready for you to babysit the grandchildren.

Or you can just go to the pub and have a great time with your DH safe in the knowledge a 14 and 11 yo are perfectly capable of being at home together for a couple of hours

MissTrip82 · 27/08/2021 23:06

Honestly I’ll be concerned if my kid can’t be left for a few hours occasionally by that age.

If that were the case, I’d know I had a lot of work to do to get them ready to be an adult in a few years.

oobedobe · 27/08/2021 23:59

Where I live 12 year olds can take a babysitting course.

My dds are 13 and 9 and I am perfectly happy to leave them now and again for a 2-3 hrs, they are sensible, get on well and enjoy relaxing watching a movie or playing the switch. The oldest likes the responsibility and the younger one is no bother.

I was babysitting lots of neighbourhood kids from 13 so I don't see this as any different.

We live away from family with no support, used to pay for a babysitter but she moved away due to covid, so I am thrilled that my eldest can 'babysit' now!

RavingAnnie · 28/08/2021 00:51

@Classica

'leaving your 11 and 14 year old to have a drink with your husband? Gosh no!'

If someone's 11 year old and 14 year old can't be left alone at home together for 2 hrs in the early evening something has gone seriously awry with your parenting.

This.

FGS threads like this make me despair. I actually think it's bordering on neglectful not to allow your children to learn the skills needed for life by allowing them to be on their own ever. Children are capable for much more than many parents give them credit.

In some cultures children walk to school on their own from aged 6. In other cultures children are out hunting on their own not much older than that. Yet here apparently a 14 and 11 year old can't be left on their own for TWO HOURS in their own home. Jesus.

fizbosshoes · 28/08/2021 09:22

Some people seem unreasonably anti pubs, and assume it's not possible to go to a pub for anything other than getting completely trollied.

After the first lockdown, when things were starting to open, lots talked about people "cant wait to get to the pub and get drunk" not thinking about any other reason why people might want pubs to open (people that own , or work in pubs, or supply chain....or people just going for company or socialising)
I imagine there is a crossover of those people on here.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 28/08/2021 09:33

In some cultures children walk to school on their own from aged 6
They do indeed. A friend's DC in Norway were walking up the road to catch the bus, which, being Norway, during the winter this was in the dark (shock horror), from the time they were 6. They're now about 11 and 9 and come home from school on the bus alone, walk down the road, let themselves in - and, in the winter, draw the curtains.

This is 100% normal in Norway. IMHO, it fosters independence and common sense and confidence.

ForensicFlossy · 28/08/2021 10:22

@girlmom21 @MaMelon
I would just like to update you that I went to the pub last night, you will be pleased to know that I turned off the water, electricity, gas, wrapped the children in cotton wool, sat them in different rooms so they couldn't fight and called 999 so they had an open line.
We stayed out for 3 whole hours and in that time dd14 and dd11 were joined by dn11 as my dbil dropped him off and then joined us in the pub!
The only reason dc8 came with us was because she wanted coke and chips (I was hoping she would stay at home!)
I can report that we had no emergencies and the children looked at us in disgust when we got home as they like being home alone!

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