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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

278 replies

schoolsoutforever · 27/08/2021 13:16

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 16:47

The babying of some children / teens beggars belief. It does them no good

Check out the most neighbour threads that will explain why.

Our parents were in charge of bringing their siblings home from school and cooking dinner/running the house at secondary age as the parents were working.

Now you get threatened with being reported fir expecting a 14 year old to be home fir a couple of days.

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 16:47

Days? I.mean hours.

Obviously 2 days is irresponsible Grin

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 27/08/2021 16:50

@MeMumI

Can't see the issue.

I'm a secondary teacher and during lockdown, both parents working out of the home all day was not a sufficient reason for sending a child in to school. It was expected that a secondary aged child could be expected to stay home alone for a 9-5 working day (+travel).

So, if an 11 year old can manage a whole day, I really can't see why they couldn't do an evening by themselves.

DD would not have done any work if I'd done that. She was 13 and was called back into school because even with me here all day she wasn't joining classes or doing homework. The teachers were very surprised, as she gives the impression of being conscientious.
UserStillatLarge · 27/08/2021 16:54

@DameAlyson

Tell them Not to cook anything

A 14 yo should be perfectly capable of cooking a simple meal for herself/self and sister. Even an 11 yo should be able to make something like scrambled eggs on toast or heat something under the grill or in the microwave.

My colleague was telling me today how her daughter's first experience of university cooking was explaining to her flat mate how you cooked pasta.
fizbosshoes · 27/08/2021 16:56

My 11 year old often makes himself some pasta at lunch (whether I'm home or not) or heats up left overs in the microwave.
Hes been doing that for at least a year.

blackheartsgirl · 27/08/2021 16:57

I would and have done it.

Only for a couple of hours now and again and we didn't get pissed.

Mine all got on pretty well, so does depend on how mature they are and how well the siblings get on

blackheartsgirl · 27/08/2021 17:01

**Peanutsandchilli

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

So you don't do anything at all without your children in tow?

choccohoopz · 27/08/2021 17:02

This reminds me of my sister calling NSPCC when I left my two toddlers (in bed sleeping) with my 15 year old whilst I went out for a meal down the road. NSPCC said it was a waste of their time but the funniest thing was that said 15 year old had been babysitting for her DS for 2 years!

She honestly believed that was fine as it was babysitting but being left in his own house with his own siblings was neglect. Obviously she is crazy and we are now NC but she still begs DS to babysit Hmm

My rule is that if a child is allowed to be own on the streets with friends without me then he is old enough to be at home without me.

Clymene · 27/08/2021 17:07

Wow @TheLovelinessOfDemons I'm amazed your school had space for children who just couldn't be bothered to engage. There are so many key workers at my kids' school that there was no space for lazy ones.

And what's this got to do with leaving young teens to go to the pub for an hour or so?

a8mint · 27/08/2021 17:09

i can't believe anyone has to ask.I think this post was a misguided attempt to virtue signal what an excellent responsible parent s/he is.

shinynewapple21 · 27/08/2021 17:13

As long as they aren't likely to bicker it sounds fine as long as they are both happy with the arrangement . Assume you all have phones .

Chippingbird23 · 27/08/2021 17:24

Walked 3 miles to primary school by 10-11 and pretty sure home alone if I remember well was 11 when I was home alone for couple of hours after school. Alive and well and in my 30’s

FangsForTheMemory · 27/08/2021 17:29

Since it's only five minutes away, i can't see any reason why not.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 27/08/2021 17:30

@Tiddleandplonk

Depends if the eldest is of a legal age to care for a child. It is unlikely that anythimg will happen but if anything did it is only illgeal if this not the case i rhink under 1989 children act. Id do it dwpwnding on the child but i wd be aware of legal asoect if any and wd check in case i was wrong re abovw advise for peacw of mind
This is not true.
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 27/08/2021 17:33

@Clymene

Wow *@TheLovelinessOfDemons* I'm amazed your school had space for children who just couldn't be bothered to engage. There are so many key workers at my kids' school that there was no space for lazy ones.

And what's this got to do with leaving young teens to go to the pub for an hour or so?

Just that schools expect secondary school age children to be fine at home on their own all day. DD works fine at school but is self-aware enough to know that she has no motivation at home.
Peanutsandchilli · 27/08/2021 17:33

@UserStillatLarge nope, we don't. The last time we went somewhere without our kids was maybe 7 or 8 years ago.

CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 17:37

I’ve been leaving my now 15,14 and 9 year olds for a couple of hours here and there for over a year now!
Sometimes it’s for work in school holidays if I need to pop into school and it’s to the pub or for meal without them!!

It’s absolutely fine as long as they are sensible and you’re not too far away.

Peanutsandchilli · 27/08/2021 17:41

@blackheartsgirl

**Peanutsandchilli

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

So you don't do anything at all without your children in tow?

Yes, but I'd do whatever it was on my own, so my husband would stay with the children. It would have to be something essential, like shopping. We don't go out together without them (we have younger ones too, so they can't be left).
CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 17:42

The idea that parents shouldn’t do stuff without their children is strange!
I adore my children and we do loads together but I also love doing things without them too!
My dh and I have been on holiday a couple of times without them (they’ve been with grandparents).

UserStillatLarge · 27/08/2021 17:43

[quote Peanutsandchilli]@UserStillatLarge nope, we don't. The last time we went somewhere without our kids was maybe 7 or 8 years ago.[/quote]
And your DC are the same age as the OP's? Or are they younger and can't be left, in which case it's not really the same thing.

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/08/2021 17:43

I think it's totally fine at those ages, provided they are sensible and know what to do if there was an emergency (which, let's face it, is probably quite unlikely).

Presumably, they are able to use a telephone so they can contact you if needs be.

They have enough nouse not to open the door to strangers.

In the unlikely event of a fire, they understand to dial 999 and leave the building.

Go and enjoy your drink! It's not as if you're going out on the town until 2am and getting steaming drunk Grin

Crikey, at 11/12, I was regularly collecting my sister (8 at the time), walking us both the 2 miles home, cooking the dinner and generally looking after things until our parents got back from work at around 9.45pm Shock Or,if they were both on an early, they left at 6.30am so I made sure we got up, ready and to school on time.

I'm only 34 so it wasn't the dark ages!

Classica · 27/08/2021 17:44

[quote Peanutsandchilli]@UserStillatLarge nope, we don't. The last time we went somewhere without our kids was maybe 7 or 8 years ago.[/quote]
That's a sad admission to make.

CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 17:44

I go out once a week without the (sometimes with dh and sometimes with friends). But I have also spent £150 ish a week doing fun stuff with them all holiday so they are hardly neglected!

CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 17:45

*without the children

AfternoonToffee · 27/08/2021 17:45

As long as they are ok with it, I hated being in the house without Mum and Dad after dark, but I never said anything, so I always doubly check my eldest is ok if it will get dark.