To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

[schoolsoutforever]

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

[quote ForensicFlossy]**@girlmom21* @MaMelon*
I would just like to update you that I went to the pub last night, you will be pleased to know that I turned off the water, electricity, gas, wrapped the children in cotton wool, sat them in different rooms so they couldn't fight and called 999 so they had an open line.
We stayed out for 3 whole hours and in that time dd14 and dd11 were joined by dn11 as my dbil dropped him off and then joined us in the pub!
The only reason dc8 came with us was because she wanted coke and chips (I was hoping she would stay at home!)
I can report that we had no emergencies and the children looked at us in disgust when we got home as they like being home alone![/quote]
Your children were lucky everything went OK on this occasion - I hope you’re not planning to make a habit of going to the pub and leaving your perfectly happy, perfectly safe DC at home with only their screens, snacks and each other to while away a whole three in blissful independence hours without you? Good grief woman -that’s neglect right there!

[quote ForensicFlossy]**@girlmom21* @MaMelon*
I would just like to update you that I went to the pub last night, you will be pleased to know that I turned off the water, electricity, gas, wrapped the children in cotton wool, sat them in different rooms so they couldn't fight and called 999 so they had an open line.
We stayed out for 3 whole hours and in that time dd14 and dd11 were joined by dn11 as my dbil dropped him off and then joined us in the pub!
The only reason dc8 came with us was because she wanted coke and chips (I was hoping she would stay at home!)
I can report that we had no emergencies and the children looked at us in disgust when we got home as they like being home alone![/quote]
You're very fortunate that on this one off occasion your oven didn't spontaneously combust but if you must ever leave them again for any reason please ensure you have a corgi registered gas engineer come and disconnect all appliances before you choose to be so irresponsible as to enjoy more than 4 seconds of (almost) child-free time!

Of course! Thank you @UserStillatLarge. I had forgotten that important distinction

We do this, our DC are the same age. They are fine with it, they are sensible and have phones in case they need us and we are on good terms with all of our neighbours. If they were worried or frightened I would nt go but they don’t mind at all.

@ForensicFlossy
Oh my gooood you are THAT KIND OF PARENT

The sad thing is I've actually met the young adults who come out the other end of parenting like this
Eldest DC's have been slack jawed at some of their housemates in uni and their utter incompetence with even the most basic of "adult " tasks

DH's parents moved abroad just before he started senior school and sent him to Boarding School. He has a summer birthday so was only just 11. From that moment on, for half terms and holidays, he caught the train to London, crossed London by tube to get to Victoria where he caught a coach to Heathrow (no tube to Heathrow back then), then caught a plane. No mobiles back then either. Amazingly he survived. I'm sure when he got to his parents house they buggered off to a restaurant without him, leaving him home alone when he couldn't speak the local language.

Some of the responses on here are Batshit.

I wouldn't do it.

But then, I am a single parent which means I'd probably get judged a lot more if I left DS to go to the pub than a married couple would. So I'm more conscious of these things.

@Waxonwaxoff0

I wouldn't do it.

But then, I am a single parent which means I'd probably get judged a lot more if I left DS to go to the pub than a married couple would. So I'm more conscious of these things.

What do you do in the holidays when you're working and your kids aren't in school?

@Clymene DS is 8 so I pay for childcare. Work is a different situation though, I wouldn't get judged for going to work but I'd get judged for leaving him to go to the pub, that's how society is when you're a single parent. So I just wouldn't do it. 14 isn probably OK but not 11, I'd either get a babysitter or not go.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@Clymene DS is 8 so I pay for childcare. Work is a different situation though, I wouldn't get judged for going to work but I'd get judged for leaving him to go to the pub, that's how society is when you're a single parent. So I just wouldn't do it. 14 isn probably OK but not 11, I'd either get a babysitter or not go.[/quote]
I'm a single parent and I do and have left my teenagers to go to work and to the pub. I don't see any distinction. Either it's okay to leave them or it's not.

Good luck with getting a babysitter for a 14 year old

@Clymene when I say babysitter I mean family and friends, not a paid one. I would probably leave a 14 year old but not 11.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@Clymene DS is 8 so I pay for childcare. Work is a different situation though, I wouldn't get judged for going to work but I'd get judged for leaving him to go to the pub, that's how society is when you're a single parent. So I just wouldn't do it. 14 isn probably OK but not 11, I'd either get a babysitter or not go.[/quote]
14 year olds are old enough to BE babysitters.

Why on earth would you need to hire one for them? Bonkers.

@icedcoffees see above reply. I mean friends and family, not a paid babysitter. And I probably wouldn't for 14, but I would for 11.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@icedcoffees see above reply. I mean friends and family, not a paid babysitter. And I probably wouldn't for 14, but I would for 11.[/quote]
That still seems utterly bonkers to me, lol, but then I was left home alone for 8+ hours during the summer break from 12.

@icedcoffees I don't think that's a good thing either. Not something I'd do. Maybe for the odd day if it's unavoidable.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@icedcoffees I don't think that's a good thing either. Not something I'd do. Maybe for the odd day if it's unavoidable.[/quote]
My parents didn't have a choice. They both worked and childcare for secondary-aged children is practically non-existent unless you have lots of money to throw at it.

Childminders won't take children of that age.
Sports clubs are a) expensive and b) require transport. They also don't run all day, so they're not always practical.
Not everyone has family who can just pop round and help.

Around here, childcare for secondary age children simply doesn't exist. There are no holiday clubs or sports clubs, there aren't any childminders - children are just left on their own all summer with parents taking as much annual leave as possible and grandparents helping out where possible.

@icedcoffees yeah I completely understand that. I just think it sucks that that's the only solution sometimes.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@icedcoffees yeah I completely understand that. I just think it sucks that that's the only solution sometimes.[/quote]
On the contrary, I loved it and I think it helped develop a great sense of independence.

I cooked basic meals, met up with friends in town etc. and as I got older, went further afield. All my friends were in the same situation so it's not like I was 100% alone - we rotated around various houses depending on who had the best snacks in

@icedcoffees That's great for you and as a teen I was the same. @Waxonwaxoff0 was clear she was talking about the 11 year old.
The question wasn't what people do of necessity, it was about going to the pub. There are lots of other ways to promote independence.
Dissenting voices don't seem to go down well here. As well as independence, what I try to teach my DC is to trust their own judgement whilst listening to and respecting the opinions of others.

[quote WaitinginVain]**@icedcoffees* That's great for you and as a teen I was the same. @Waxonwaxoff0* was clear she was talking about the 11 year old.
The question wasn't what people do of necessity, it was about going to the pub. There are lots of other ways to promote independence.
Dissenting voices don't seem to go down well here. As well as independence, what I try to teach my DC is to trust their own judgement whilst listening to and respecting the opinions of others.[/quote]
I wasn't a teen, I was just turned 12 when I was first left alone all day - so not dissimilar to the eleven year old. I spent all of the summer holidays between years 7 and 8 home alone.

I don't see a difference between leaving them out of necessity and because you want to go out for a couple of drinks at the pub. Either they can be trusted or they can't - the reason for you leaving the house is totally irrelevant.

@icedcoffees Yes, I wasn't left alone all day but at 8 had my own key for after school. It wasn't unusual and I was fine with it at the time.
There are those of us though who take the view that "it didn't do me any harm" and others who feel it really wasn't that great and don't want to do the same.
I do think the purpose is different actually, from the perspective of a younger child and if you've been left during the day because there was no alternative, you really don't want to be left again so your parents can go to the pub.

There are those of us though who take the view that "it didn't do me any harm" and others who feel it really wasn't that great and don't want to do the same.

I don't really take either view - I see it as a necessity. Not necessarily for DC to be left all hours, but I feel it's important for independence to be built gradually. So yes, that might start with half an hour at a time while you pop to the shops - then built it up to an hour etc.

I never had older siblings to be left with, so it was just me. I was home alone after school aged 11 (from 3.30-6pm) every night and then alone during the holidays around 9-5ish, sometimes longer.

IMO if your children can't be left for a couple of hours until 7pm by ages 11-14, then something has gone pretty badly wrong (barring any SEN etc).

But the OP isn't talking about leaving an 11 year old to go to the pub. She's talking about a 14 year old and an 11 year old.

No one who thinks the OP is a dreadful parent has answered the question I've asked twice now what their solution is when they have to work during the school holidays. So I can only conclude:

• they don't have teenage children so haven't actually had to address this problem

Or

• they don't work.

Because virtually every 14 year old I know is home alone at least some of the time.

It’s fine. My kids have been going out alone since they were at secondary school. Leaving them in the house early evening for a couple of hours is fine IMO.