To feel guilty I got drunk at wedding

[Ida83]

I recently went to a wedding with my partner and my 3 year old son.
It’s usually my husband who likes to drink but somehow on this occasion I drank a little more wine than usual and got drunk. The next day I realised there were parts of the evening I didn’t recall at all and since I have been feeling extremely guilty about my son.
My husband said he stopped drinking very early on and took the lead care role (even drive home so was not drunk at all) but I still feel massively guilty that I wasn’t being responsible and was not looking after my son. I keep thinking that anything could have happened to him. I have resounded to not let this happen again at all but I still feel very guilty that it happened. AIBU?

I'm more concerned that your husband drove after drinking. How much had he had before stopping "early on"?

Great that your DH picked it up

That’s a partnership

Take turns

I’d be so cross if DH got so drunk he couldn’t remember events whilst our children were with us.

I agree it's great to hear your DH "took over", what's the problem? Sounds like a good night. A wedding is a one off special occasion so it's good that one of you was able to let your hair down.

Are you concerned about your child witnessing you drunk?

Do you know how much you drank? did you definitely drink enough to be drunk, or is it possible your drink was spiked?

You got drunk, the child’s other parents took over. Not sure what the issue is!
Apart from the one of him driving after drinking… how many did he have before he stopped?

I'm sure you raised a few eyebrows.

Your husband looked after your child so you could let your hair down. That is totally normal in a partnership, as you say in your OP its usually him drinking. This was your turn.

Your DH took over and looked after your child so no need to feel guilty - am sure you don’t do this too often!

Would your husband be beating himself up for enjoying a wedding? No. It's not like you abandoned your child, there were two parents present. Are you normally this anxious?

Anything could have happened to him? Do you not trust your husband with your child? You can't look after your son 24/7 his whole life

Chill out. Your husband took the lead role. If your kid saw you drunk then he probably thought you were just being a bit silly.

@Noshowwithoutpunch

I'm sure you raised a few eyebrows.

Why? It was a wedding.

I was talking about this with DH the other day: we have decades of experience of drinking and getting drunk, at parties etc, yet neither of us have ever not been able to remember the night before. So I have to assume that you must have drunk unsafe quantities , if you really can't remember what happened.
It's OK to sometimes relax and have a drink, even while you are looking after children, and it's great that DH stepped up, but honestly, it's not great to drink so much that you really can't remember. How much did you actually drink? Are we talking a glass too many or a bottle too many?

As long as there is a parent of a sound enough state to keep a child safe and meet their needs, it doesn't matter which parent it is.

If you don't drink often, your tolerance may have decreased and you feel the effects more easily than you'd expect.

No need for mum guilt.

Please don’t think my husband drove after drinking - he didn’t at all and he would never drink drive with our son in the car - ever. It was hours since he had his ‘last drink’.
I am not concerned my son saw me drunk - I was still able to walk etc, I wasn’t paralytic or anything and I’m a fun drunk - I like to dance etc it was more that although my husband was looking after him I don’t feel like I knew what my son was doing 100% of the time and that’s what I feel guilty about

It's not something I'd do, especially without a conversation with my partner. I wouldn't want my kids to see me unable to respond to them appropriately. Different if I was away.

YANBU
Forget about all this mother shaming! You’re a human not just a mother. Your partner was there to be a responsible adult and you must of needed it. Good on you. Being a parent is hard enough without people being judgmental . There are no raised eyebrows here 🥂🥂

@DelphiniumBlue it’s not that I don’t remember the whole event - we were home by 10 anyway
There are just snippets I don’t remember. But I remember the evening but and I remember getting home etc
I think it’s because it was mostly wine with the meal and I don’t usually drink wine

I don’t feel like I knew what my son was doing 100% of the time and that’s what I feel guilty about

But your DH was literally there in the room Really can't get behind this level of guilt. Was this yesterday? Do you have the hangover blues?

you must of needed it.

I don't agree with shaming anyone so with you there but this is bollocks. No one needs to get drunk. A three year old needs to see their parent able to respond to them. Many of change somewhat and become less caring and responsible when drunk. If that child goes to her and find her unavailable, he's going to feel confused, regardless of dad being there. If you're going to get drunk, do it away from your kids.

Yabu to feel guilty, if you were alone with your son then that would be a different story, and sad to say I have witnessed a few times. Your dp was there so he took lead with the care of your son so you could have fun! Nothing wrong with that

You say you don’t remember the night? Sounds paralytic to me

No judgement
But no way would I do it
That should mean bugger all to you though

Is your husband usually quite a heavy drinker?