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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty I got drunk at wedding

124 replies

Ida83 · 26/08/2021 16:40

I recently went to a wedding with my partner and my 3 year old son.
It’s usually my husband who likes to drink but somehow on this occasion I drank a little more wine than usual and got drunk. The next day I realised there were parts of the evening I didn’t recall at all and since I have been feeling extremely guilty about my son.
My husband said he stopped drinking very early on and took the lead care role (even drive home so was not drunk at all) but I still feel massively guilty that I wasn’t being responsible and was not looking after my son. I keep thinking that anything could have happened to him. I have resounded to not let this happen again at all but I still feel very guilty that it happened. AIBU?

OP posts:
Medievalist · 26/08/2021 17:24

There is nothing wrong with having a drink when there is another responsible adult present to look after your child.

Totally agree. I've always liked a drink and know I should cut back. Not being judgemental about the op letting her hair down at all. Just slightly mystified by her claim that she can't remember bits of the evening, but wasn't paralytic.

BillMasen · 26/08/2021 17:25

I suppose the only thing is that if it wasn’t planned and you just accidentally got too drunk, he might feel a bit annoyed. Ideally I’d say plan for one parent to be sober. If he’d just accidentally got drunk and you’d stopped and driven would you be annoyed?

Probably better if it were decided in advance but I wouldn’t worry too much

Mrsjayy · 26/08/2021 17:25

You are allowed to have a good time your husband had it in hand you probably had lapses because you were dancing chatting etc etc. You are giving yourself too much of a hard time.

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/08/2021 17:26

@Noshowwithoutpunch

I'm sure you raised a few eyebrowsHmm.
You’re right; there ARE a lot of judgemental arseholes out there.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2021 17:27

If your DH was there, stepped up and looked after your son, then why are you beating yourself up? It's not like he was wholly abandoned by 2 alco parents, is it?!

I think you're being a bit daft, in all honesty.

Angie1403 · 26/08/2021 17:30

@Xmassprout

Anything could have happened to him? Do you not trust your husband with your child? You can't look after your son 24/7 his whole life
I agree with this comment; it was my first thought! Do you always stay sober and care for the kids when it’s a social event; what kind of life is that?! If you’re putting this level of pressure on yourself then you have an odd idea of how marriage and parenting should work IRL. are you possibly focusing on a presumptive lack of care for DS because you’re just embarrassed that you drank enough to have a blackout? That probably happened because you’re never the one letting your hair down! Maybe what would resolve your feelings about it is to have a tacit agreement with DH that you take turns at social events and then you can enjoy yourself guilt free. Please don’t beat yourself up about this anymore.
user1471457751 · 26/08/2021 17:32

I think in future it would be better to agree at the outset who between you and your DP is drinking and who is staying sober. What if your DP hadn't realised you were drinking so much and so he continued with his drinking? I think the two of you just need to communicate a bit better.

Also, if someone is driving its best they don't drink at all. Your DP could well have driven with a not insignificant amount of alcohol in his system.

SpringRainbow · 26/08/2021 17:34

Have you spoken to your husband about your guilt?

You have done nothing wrong at all. Your son was completely safe. You had a good time. All is right with the world.

AhDiddums · 26/08/2021 17:36

You should never have posted this on here. AIBU is full of miserable women circling like vultures waiting for prey to tear to shreds.

You’ve done nothing wrong, your DH was there and took control. Sounds like you had a great time! Hangxiety is the worst! You have nothing to feel guilty about. It was a one off, stop stressing.

Ozberry · 26/08/2021 17:37

Your husband stepped up. There were probably other family members or friends keeping half an eye on your son too.

Was this yesterday? Sounds like chronic beer fear to me.

Wine’s lethal though - especially if it’s over a day and night. It’s not a session drink but it’s always the main drink at weddings

Dandy0911 · 26/08/2021 17:37

I actually can't believe how many picture perfect one glass of Sherry at Christmas people are on here this afternoon. Have a jagerbomb and a day off will ya x

Tossblanket · 26/08/2021 17:37

Non issue.

Anyone judging you should fuck off.

Confusedandshaken · 26/08/2021 17:38

Go easy on yourself. You don't make a habit of this and your child was in the care of his sober dad. It's not a big deal at all.

Unless there is a massive backstory of your regularly drinking yourself into oblivion your child will not be traumatised or harmed by this.

LocalHobo · 26/08/2021 17:41

I was talking about this with DH the other day: we have decades of experience of drinking and getting drunk, at parties etc, yet neither of us have ever not been able to remember the night before.

I think this depends on the individual. I also have never forgotten any moments whilst drunk but DH only needs three or so drinks, particularly if combined with tiredness, to find the night before a total blur.

CaptainPicardsToupee · 26/08/2021 17:42

We usually discuss before we go to something like that who is drinking (sometimes neither of us want to anyway) so the other person knows not to have anything if they're driving. Did you not discuss who the designated driver was beforehand? It sounds like your husband only stopped drinking cos he noticed you were.

I would feel a bit funny drinking to excess because I think my DD seeing me behave in a really different way to normal might be a bit frightening for her.

But it was a one-off so I wouldn't stress about it now.

JudyGemstone · 26/08/2021 17:42

I don’t remember all of last night but I wasn’t drunk.

Like a PP said, as long as there is one parent on the ball it’s not a problem. I bet your husband wouldn’t be beating himself up like this.

It’s probably just beer fear - you’ll be fine tomorrow Smile

ManifestDestinee · 26/08/2021 17:43

I keep thinking that anything could have happened to him

It's the fact that you don't trust your husband that is the worrying bit, not getting drunk at a wedding.

CaptainPicardsToupee · 26/08/2021 17:44

As for the 'full of pearl-clutchers' comments, I never saw my parents drunk as a child, and I don't think there's any need to see your parents drunk as a child. I've been drunk plenty of times in my life, I'd happily have plenty of drinks if I was on holiday with friends or away from DD (well I don't tend to now as it gives me hangovers!), but I don't want her to see me or DH drunk. If that makes me a pearl-clutcher, then that's fine with me! It's just something I don't think she needs to see.

Sciurus83 · 26/08/2021 17:45

You had a few too many and danced at a wedding. Your husband stayed sober, looked after your kid and drove you all home. And we are hand wringing over this weeks later for whys?! Think you need to go a bit easier on yourself!

Chikapu · 26/08/2021 17:46

Do you always know 100% what your son is doing? Is he never out of your sight?

category12 · 26/08/2021 17:47

Your husband was perfectly capable of looking after your child and did. You are not required to be the "on" parent at all times .

QueenHofScotland · 26/08/2021 17:49

You are being very hard on yourself OP. Very self critical when it doesn’t sound like you need to be? Did you do anything bad?

Next time just agree with DH who is having a drink and who isn’t.

SpnBaby1967 · 26/08/2021 17:50

You'll get dragged over the MN coals for having more than a thimble worth of alcohol and shock horror in front of a child.

Honestly will no one think of the children

OP your DH parented whilst you let your hair down. Presumably he was fine with this. Your son wont be mentally scarred by watching mum get merry and have a dance on the dance floor. I assume you weren't throwing up all over the car, struggling to walk and dropping f-bombs so your son will be fine.

Stop acting all holier than though and like you're such a good parent as you NEVER get drunk or act like this and now you've dropped your eye balls away from your child for a short while. Get over it for goodness sake. Us parents are allowed to let our hair down, stop acting like you've done something awful Hmm it's just attention seeking nonsense.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/08/2021 17:52

Dear god it's fine !

You did nothing wrong, what is it with the Victorian attitudes on here sometimes

Your Dh is a full parent too - he managed 🤷‍♀️

Practice a bit of self forgiveness- shame is so destructive

Pinkandpink · 26/08/2021 17:52

God some folk on here must lead sad judgmental lives. Dad was there to look after son while mum let her hair down and enjoyed her night. What’s wrong with that

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