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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty I got drunk at wedding

124 replies

Ida83 · 26/08/2021 16:40

I recently went to a wedding with my partner and my 3 year old son.
It’s usually my husband who likes to drink but somehow on this occasion I drank a little more wine than usual and got drunk. The next day I realised there were parts of the evening I didn’t recall at all and since I have been feeling extremely guilty about my son.
My husband said he stopped drinking very early on and took the lead care role (even drive home so was not drunk at all) but I still feel massively guilty that I wasn’t being responsible and was not looking after my son. I keep thinking that anything could have happened to him. I have resounded to not let this happen again at all but I still feel very guilty that it happened. AIBU?

OP posts:
LaikO · 26/08/2021 16:58

Not bad that you had a drink, but that you had so much you can't remember parts of the evening, it must have been quite an excessive amount for that to happen.

Marni83 · 26/08/2021 16:59

I am always sceptical of anyone who describes themselves the night after a heavy night as… “a fun drunk”

Original poster
Ida83 · 26/08/2021 16:59

@rattlemehearties no it was a few weeks ago now but I can’t shake the guilt to be honest.

I had no intention at all to get drunk to be honest - that is usually my husband domain but this is one of the first big events we have been to with our son

OP posts:
Neverrains · 26/08/2021 17:01

Does your husband feel guilty when he gets drunk and you look after your son?
Honestly this is so weird that I’m wondering whether there is more to the story than you’re letting on.

Summersun2020 · 26/08/2021 17:01

Op you’re asking in the wrong place-MN is full of Pearl clutchers who will have the vapours that you drank more than a single glass of champagne with your meal, and will advise you to attend AA as soon as possible.
It’s fine. It was a one off. Your child was fine, his dad looked after him.
It was a wedding, there was likely people much more drunk than you there.
I’m sure no don’t noticed that you’d had one too many.
Don’t let the beer fear get the better of you- we’ve all been there.

Original poster
Ida83 · 26/08/2021 17:02

No neither of us are heavy drinkers. I can take it or leave it to be honest. My husband may have a few beers at the weekend in the evening but that’s it

OP posts:
Dandy0911 · 26/08/2021 17:02

Oh my goodness PLEASE don't feel guilty

2 parents went to a wedding with your child

One parent got drunk and had a good time.
The other was sober, with the child and drove home.

Me and my DH take turns. PLEASE DONT STRESS! Are you expected to stay sober at ever single function as well as your DH? Nah.

Shrug it off. Be glad you enjoyed yourself! And if any neggy nancies on here say different, ignore it. At least you're fun at parties. 😆

Honestly what's the big deal? You got drunk at a wedding. Nothing would've happened to your child, his dad was with him! Relaxxxxxx.

Marni83 · 26/08/2021 17:04

Do you suffer from anxiety Op?

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 26/08/2021 17:04

Hi OP,

Do you feel anxious normally?

By the sounds of it, you got carried away by a great event, you're probably not used to drinking so much, you had fun, you didn't embarrass yourself, and everyone was safely home by 10.00pm.

You don't remember the odd thing because it was fun, you were dancing, you'd had drinks, your husband was being responsible so you could relax.

You might need to try harder if you're looking for something to feel guilty about - this is pretty entry level!!!

Marni83 · 26/08/2021 17:04

Has anyone said anything to you about it?

Because to start a thread about how guilty you feel weeks after the event… is concerning

Hopdathelf · 26/08/2021 17:05

Sounds like you behaved perfectly normally for a lot of weddings, if not the majority. Only on MN are there pearl clutchers who never touch more than one glass and are disgusted at anyone who lets a bit more loose.

I think you’re setting yourself up to fail here. On any given day for the next two decades you are not going to know what your son is doing 100% of the time. As long as he’s safe there’s no issue. Similarly with not remembering parts of the night, I’ve been out stone cold sober and don’t remember every single thing because I’m busy dancing, or chatting or eating.

Miliao · 26/08/2021 17:06

Do you not trust your husband to look after your child? I’m struggling to see the issue. Would you feel guilty if your husband took your child out for the day without you to supervise?

Bumshkawahwah · 26/08/2021 17:07

YABU to be so hard on yourself. But I do know how you feel. I got drunk when my son was 1.5 - I hadn’t drank since getting pregnant and I completely misjudged my tolerance. My son wasn’t even there, he was being babysat, but I still spent the next day crying about what a terrible mother I was 😂. Post-alcohol shame is awful, but add mother’s guilt into the mix and it’s horrendous.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all and I guess next time you’ll be more aware of how you want your night to go.

rattlemehearties · 26/08/2021 17:08

I still don't really understand the guilt. Your DH did the right thing. You got to celebrate and party. Let it gooo.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 26/08/2021 17:10

It sounds like you had a great time, I love a bit of drunken wedding dancing!
Your next day hangover paranoia is manifesting as mum guilt. Understandable but honestly just let it go.

Original poster
Ida83 · 26/08/2021 17:11

I don’t know why I feel so guilty to be honest and I trust my husband 110% and my son had a great time - it was a family wedding so there were other members of family there. I think I just feel that something could have happened and I should have been on guard the whole time. I know I shouldn’t feel this way as my husband was supervising but I keeping thinking about it now - we hadn’t done any ore alignment about drinking - what if we had both got drunk!!! Luckily he took the initiative

OP posts:
AmazingBouncingFerret · 26/08/2021 17:11

And by understandable, I mean a lot of people have been there and got the tshirt, not that you should feel ashamed.

DarlingFell · 26/08/2021 17:13

@Summersun2020

Op you’re asking in the wrong place-MN is full of Pearl clutchers who will have the vapours that you drank more than a single glass of champagne with your meal, and will advise you to attend AA as soon as possible. It’s fine. It was a one off. Your child was fine, his dad looked after him. It was a wedding, there was likely people much more drunk than you there. I’m sure no don’t noticed that you’d had one too many. Don’t let the beer fear get the better of you- we’ve all been there.
I was just about to say similar. OP, AIBU is not a place to come when you want normal, sound, non hysterical advice. In fact it’s the antithesis of that.

You did absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You had fun, your son was being looked after. Stop hand wringing. Honestly. I’m one of the few normals that frequents this mad house, you can trust me 😊

skiclothes · 26/08/2021 17:18

Christ on a bike there are some judgemental witches on here.

There is nothing wrong with having a drink when there is another responsible adult present to look after your child. Don’t feel bad about it.

Janaih · 26/08/2021 17:20

It's just your hanxiety making you feel bad. It'll pass. You were fine.
It's lovely to read on mn about 1. A decent husband and 2. A child at a wedding. Makes a refreshing change.

heathspeedwell · 26/08/2021 17:20

People often don't realise quite how strong wine is - it goes to your head far more quickly than say, a spirit with a mixer. Three glasses of wine if you're not used to it is enough to make anyone very drunk.

It's absolutely not a problem and it's just one of those things. It's great that your husband was so good, and it's great that you had fun at the wedding. Chalk it up to experience and definitely don't feel guilty.

Marni83 · 26/08/2021 17:20

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Viviennemary · 26/08/2021 17:21

You've learnt your lesson. Stop worrying about it as it's done now. Don't get into that state again.

DoYouLikeOwls · 26/08/2021 17:24

@Summersun2020

Op you’re asking in the wrong place-MN is full of Pearl clutchers who will have the vapours that you drank more than a single glass of champagne with your meal, and will advise you to attend AA as soon as possible. It’s fine. It was a one off. Your child was fine, his dad looked after him. It was a wedding, there was likely people much more drunk than you there. I’m sure no don’t noticed that you’d had one too many. Don’t let the beer fear get the better of you- we’ve all been there.
Agree, this is the last place I'd ask this question.
HangingChads · 26/08/2021 17:24

It's ok to let go and enjoy yourself while the other parent takes responsibility for minding the DC for a while. It's no different to if you went out with friends or to the shops on your own, really. If anything, it's very responsible to ensure that you can trust your DH with your DC and that you make sure you still live a good life for yourself rather than becoming a martyr parent!