AIBU or was the Doctor correct?

[Quantokz]

I visited my GP this morning, I’m not someone who visits them regularly and I’ve been putting off this visit for a while.

He asked me what the visit was for. I started to say that I ‘thought’ I may have IBS, ‘woah’ he said, ‘that’s for me to decide, not you’.

Okay, so I started describing my symptoms. ‘You’ve been reading too much google you have’ he said ‘just use the word tummy, no need to say abdomen’ big sigh, roll eyes.

It put me on the back foot and I felt awkward to further explain my symptoms in case he pulled me up on my terminology again.

I do think I may have some issues with bile acid malabsorption but didn’t like to say in case he pulled me up on it. I just said I had yellow / orange stool. ‘POO’ he said.

I came away feeling like he thinks I’m some kind of hypochondriac who obsessively checks google for everything. Yes I have had a read to try and see what’s up with me but AIBU? Or was he rude?

Not that it’s relevant but I have a science degree and am very familiar with the right terminology for things, I could have been a nurse or doctor as far as he knew!!

I came away really annoyed. AIBU?

@Quantokz

And he was a new doctor to the practice, quite young, no more than 30 yrs old!

A bit like the arrogant git of a trainee GP lecturing me about my blood pressure. I explained that my dad had just died, my mum with dementia and was now on her own loojed after my sister who had rheumatoid arthritis and was struggling and my father in law had dementia too. I was quite stressed. His reply? “Tell me about it!” - not in a literal sense

Oh dear. I think he is my GP too - or used to be until I changed doctors.

How bloody infuriating!

I'm in the really early stages of retraining in a healthcare profession and remember one multiple choice question about whether you should avoid medical jargon when talking to patients - the correct answer of course was not necessarily, and that it would depend on the understanding of your patient. I was also under the impression GPs are taught to try to establish what the patient thinks it could be or are concerned about, for a better understanding of symptoms and/or address a specific concern the patient has

This has happened to me too though albeit when discussing DC

I have learnt never to say what I think is wrong with me even if I know.

I once told a GP I had a pain in my kidney. She pretty much rolled her eyes and diagnosed me with IBS. She insisted on my doing a 6w course of IBS meds before she would consider anything else. Thus delaying by 2 months diagnosis of the actual, serious, bilateral kidney issue I did have that eventually required six surgeries to fix.

I also told a MW I thought I was experiencing precipitate labour. I had had one before and they run in my family (longest birth in recent years = 3h). She humoured me but clearly thought I had "read something on the internet".

So didn't pay any attention, left me, and my first twin was born with no medical assistance, cord severed and blue.

I have learnt the hard way to describe symptoms in the simplest plainest language that HCP "expect". And never say what you think, always ask questions and seek reassurance. It makes them feel like they are in control.

It's pathetic but the alternative is often them rushing to reject a correct dx to "prove that silly woman is wrong". My son lived but he could well not have. It's not worth the risk, just play to what they need to hear.

They always state on their lil shitty cardboard thing they won't tolerate rude behaviour, yet they are rude to their patients!

I've had the same with someone who told me I didn't have an infection, when I knew did.

'Doctor, my furry front botty's a bit hurty' Thank you, Arabella Weir 🙂

Change your GP.He sounds a patronising asshole!!

Tummy? Poo?

I'd have told him the correct terminology for him was patronising twat.

I'd complain . Sounds like a patronizing twat.

Sorry to go off on a tangent and I know this wasn't the point of your post but I, too, have had yellow/orange stools for a few months. My GP did a stool test and I've just been diagnosed with Hpylori infection in my stomach. I've started meds for it and am awaiting blood tests and an Ultrasound. I am interested to note you mentioned bile acid malapsortion and I wondered if you have any more information about this. Apologies again for going off the point of your thread but no one seems to know anything about these yellow/orange stools and its really worrying me.

@iwantadogdhdoesnt

Complain. Arrogant bastard. It's your body, you know best and good on you for being informed. I'm a lawyer, and do my research, and the number of times I've been spoken down to by doctors before dropping in that I'm a solicitor 😡

"Erm, are you medical?"

"No, but my dad was a doctor. I'm only a solicitor/barrister/university lecturer" (been all three in my time) often does the trick.

Mind you there was the legendary occasion when we saw DW's GP referral to the consultant which opened something like "This xx year old lady whose husband is a solicitor . . . " though actually, when that happened we were only engaged not married, and I was a barrister rather than a solicitor.

Oh I often get the long pause followed by "what do you do for a job" from doctors. I'm sure they hate it when I tell them I'm a midwife......

@Staffy1

I’m assuming you’re female. I can’t imagine this patronising attitude towards a male, but it happens far too often to women.

Being male, I can assure you that there are a lot of doctors who are extremely patronising to us, too.

I had a GP attempt a similar thing with me. I said ‘I’m a nurse and it’s how I feel comfortable explaining what I’m feeling. If you are not comfortable caring for me I will happily accept input from another GP’ he then calmed down and actually listened to what I said - he was young too.

YANBU. He sounds like an arsehole. I also wonder if he's been told to use baby words with patients in case they don't understand the normal ones, and somehow interpreted that as insisting patients use baby words instead of whatever they're most comfortable with.

When I had to speak to a doctor about bowel issues as an incredibly embarrassed teenager I used the word 'stool' because it made it easier for me to talk about than using childish or vulgar words would have. Doctors should follow the patient's lead with that sort of thing.

As he is new why don’t you bring it up at the next meeting from the angle that you’d like to give him some feedback coming from a mature adult woman that might help him in his new career.

And explain that many women for various reasons and experiences are uncomfortable with certain words and it would be better for GP patient relationship if he let patients explain things in their own way. That way he can’t offend those who prefer more traditional terms nor confuse those who don’t understand more medical words.

I’m a vet and always get clocked straight away as medical by going in and giving a potted history of myself like it’s rounds or something.

I had a gynaecologist say once… oh i see you’re a vet…. I don’t suppose you have much to do with reproduction though do you….? (I thought I’d probably done more hysterectomies than he had and DH can scan 200 pregnant cows in one morning… but I just nodded and smiled)

Horribly patronising. I would register the issue at the practise, please mention your science degree but in any case, it's not up to him to tell you what vocabulary you can choose to use, just as he shouldn't tell anyone off for using more colloquial terms. Why would he like it better if you said you had issues with your tummy and your wee wee? Medically it should make his life easier if patients use appropriate terminology.

Most doctors I have seen have been great but one...

I said "I have autoimmune neutropenia"
Doctor "who told you that? Why do you have it?"
Me "er well it's autoimmune so..."
Doctor "yes it's a children's condition, adults don't get it. You must have heard them wrong, you don't have it"
Me slightly puzzled why I'm under haematology then
Doctor rings my consultant who is fierce
I hear raised voices from my consultant on the other end of the phone
Doctor "well your consultant says you are right...."

I have a consultant appointment some time after and he says "who is that doctor idiot you saw? Also have they upped your thyroid meds from a homeopathic dose yet?"
He fights for me so much

@AmazinglyGraceless

Some GP's are just patronising twats with a God complex.

I once went with tonsillitis and saw a locum. I have it at least once a year and have since I was born. I'm not a hypochondriac and I've learnt to recognise when it's tipping over from viral to bacterial by the pus, my temperature and the time I've been ill. I need antibiotics roughly 1 in 4 times, when I can manage it myself I don't bother the GP.

This once I made the mistake of beginning with 'I've had tonsillitis for about ten days which I think might need antibiotics now...'

If I did. She cut me off, held up her hands and said 'RIGHT well most cases are just viral...' and then explained to me in detail the difference between viral and bacterial, including sketching a bloody diagram - and that 'although you might not know this, antibiotics don't have ANY effect on viral illnesses!' with big patronising smile.

I think it was only my dead pan face that shut her up eventually, then I then had chance to advise that I fully understood the differenced but that a virus had developed into my tonsils being covered in white pus and a temperature of 40.

I think some older GP's especially really hate the fact that nowadays if you're reasonably intelligent, the Internet gives the average person access to a lot of information that you previously wouldn't have had.

Oh tonsillitis.. I have NEVER had viral tonsillitis in my life I got "so what makes you think it's bacterial?" < opens mouth > "I'll just get you a prescription" as they recoil from my throat

oh i see you’re a vet…. I don’t suppose you have much to do with reproduction though do you….?

They don't know much about livestock farming, at least!

I get this all the time. From GP, physios, osteopaths etc. I’m an HCP with particular training in functional anatomy, and yet have still been told there’d be “no point” in copying me into my MRI spine scan results because they’re “full of jargon” that I wouldn’t understand.

When I explained that I was more than capable of understanding due to my training and, you know, the fact that it was ME who had been asserting all along that I had the particular condition they found on the scan, they changed their attitude pronto.

I feel your pain OP. So, so, so bloody high-handed. I’m never like this with my patients. I assume they’re the expert on THEM, and I’m just their to help with any questions they may have and to facilitate the kind of support they feel they’d like.

This has happened to me twice. Different doctors. Both times I have actually been honest with them after the event when I’d calmed down. The first one on the phone - she was extremely apologetic and I explained how she had made me feel and that lots of people would not have gone back after that experience so she should perhaps be more aware of how she speaks to patients. The second I think was so shocked someone called him out on his behaviour he was pretty silent but I think it did sink in. When you go back to see him let him know that after your last appointment how you felt on reflection and have an honest conversation about his bedside manner, it’s so disrespectful of him. If it doesn’t get you the outcome of understanding and an apology I would submit a written complaint but we are all human and his manner may just have been off that day so I would give it a chance first. I’m sorry about your symptoms too.

I’m a dentist so when I picked up my DS from school and he told me that his sore foot had got worse I had a look and realised he had cellulitis. It was too late to see our own GP so I contacted out of hours and I could almost hear the triage nurse roll her eyes when I explained my 10 yr old son had cellulitis with striae extending from his toes towards his ankle.
When the lovely GP called us in he asked DS to remove his shoe and sock and while he did this started to ask me “what makes you think ……oh yes he does have cellulitis “.
He gave him flucloxacillin which is probably the most disgusting tasting medication this side of hell. After trying capsules, when Ds point blank refused to take fluid form,however we tried to make it palatable, I took him back to our own GP who suggested that I hadn’t tried hard enough and should try mixing it with Nutella. I asked him whether he had actually tried tasting it himself, I had and was not surprised DS was refusing it, I explained that although his suggestion was helpful DS didn’t like Nutella and finally my profession had fought for years to make medicines sugar free so it rather defeated the point adding it to high sugar based products. He rapidly wrote out a prescription for a topical antibiotic which did the trick.