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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS 12 invited to new friends house

113 replies

Thinking7 · 26/08/2021 12:16

Recently moved home. DS has met a new group of friends at his new school recently. He has been invited to one of their houses after school. They Will go straight there after school. I’ve never met the friends/parents. We are new to the area. I feel nervous that he will just go somewhere that I don’t know with people I don’t know. He’s at high school now though so should I be giving him this freedom?

I was very happy for him to go out on his own where we previously lived with his pals and go to their houses. It’s just the new area issue!

OP posts:
Mybalconyiscracking · 26/08/2021 12:18

Let him go, what do you think is going to happen to him?

starrynight87 · 26/08/2021 12:19

I would let him go, but tell him if he ever wants to come home or feel uncomfortable - just leave and call you.

Original poster
Thinking7 · 26/08/2021 12:21

I don’t think anything will happen to him, it’s just a change as I know all his other friends and their parents. Probably overthinking but it’s been a big move for us.

OP posts:
randomusernameagain · 26/08/2021 12:21

I think it is okay, make sure he takes a charged phone with credit/ that he can text and phone on, and tells you where the house is and the name of the friend? You could ask for the parents number 'just in case' but understand that may be embarrassing for a 12 year old boy!

Popetthetreehugger · 26/08/2021 12:22

Maybe ask for mums number? Just quick call , could be on Pretext of giving her your number ? I’d also make the invite for them to come to yours next ?

MissyB1 · 26/08/2021 12:24

Have you been in contact with the parents? I don’t let my 12 year old ds go to a friends house without that.

toomuchlaundry · 26/08/2021 12:24

This is what happens at Secondary School, whether in a new area or not. They will make friends will people you don't know.

FoxgloveSummers · 26/08/2021 12:28

That’s a good thing, I’d just ask for the name of the boy (full name) and the address. Will you be picking him up later? I’d want the address either way but it’s a good excuse if so!

Planty13 · 26/08/2021 12:32

It’s totally normal at that age but it’s also normal for you to feel nervous about it. Get the boys name and address from your son and wish him well. Does your DS have a mobile?

slashlover · 26/08/2021 12:33

I don't think my parents ever met my friend's parents at secondary school, they barely met my friends sometimes.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 12:35

In secondary school my dc made their own judgement calls on new mates and visiting /staying over...
You wil like a right wally checking up op!!

nancy75 · 26/08/2021 12:36

The first year in secondary school is really difficult, you got from knowing most of the parents (at least by sight) to not having a clue who any of the kids or parents are.
It’s normal to feel worried about it, especially when you’ve just moved to the area, but you do have to let him make new friends.
I would get the address but wouldn’t call the parent

TeenMinusTests · 26/08/2021 12:38

I would just talk through with him what to do if he feels uncomfortable / unsafe (e.g. if house turns out to be a drugs den). Also tell him he must answer his phone if you ring.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 26/08/2021 12:43

I always used to make contact with the parents if my kids were invited. Especially if it was for a sleepover - most of them thought I was a bit of a loon I think. It's whatever makes you feel comfortable, I guess. That said, even though I did do this, one sleepover my son went to, (big posh house) the parents had provided alcopops - he told me this after the event, naturally!

Pollythecat15 · 26/08/2021 12:47

If you don't feel comfortable with it then that's fine to feel like that.
I completely understand how you feel.
There will be lots of people telling us we are being over anxious/ over thinking it, but if it's any consolation I would feel exactly the same as you do.

Original poster
Thinking7 · 26/08/2021 12:49

Thanks all! Very reassuring! He has a mobile and I have his location. I know the address and it’s very, very near to us so he will walk home.

I’m not going to ask to speak to a parent. The last thing I want to do is embarrass him as we are both happy he’s made some friends.

I will just be nervous for the couple of hours he’s away Grin and next time it will be ok!

And yes… I will remind him to answer if I call or message!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 26/08/2021 12:51

I think its reasonable to know where your son is and have a contact number for the parents in case of any kind of family emergency. Its no big deal.

Shirleyphallus · 26/08/2021 12:52

You should set up a WhatsApp group of all the other parents of children going then trail them from a distance, like that poster did a few months ago

UserStillatLarge · 26/08/2021 12:57

Totally normal for secondary school (even if you haven't moved areas).

I haven't met half of my DC's friends, never mind their parents!

If you have the address and he has a mobile, how is this really much different to hanging out after school?

Rannva · 26/08/2021 12:58

It's only a worry for little tiny toddlers who can't tell you anything's wrong.

At 12 he's more than capable of coming home and telling you it's a crack den.

MissyB1 · 26/08/2021 12:58

@godmum56

I think its reasonable to know where your son is and have a contact number for the parents in case of any kind of family emergency. Its no big deal.
Yes this. You are not going to look odd for wanting to know where he is and that you can contact an adult there if needs be.

At my ds school high school parents tend to confirm with each other if the kids are arranging to visit. But it’s a small school, maybe that makes a difference.

saraclara · 26/08/2021 12:58

Yep, welcome to secondary school!

In primary you know all the parents, at secondary you'll never see any of them unless they open the front door when you pick up your kid. In which case, the host kid will be mortified, and yours will too, because you're supposed to just sit in your car and wait for them. Not knock at the door and cause them hideous embarrassment!

Ducksurprise · 26/08/2021 12:59

@Shirleyphallus

You should set up a WhatsApp group of all the other parents of children going then trail them from a distance, like that poster did a few months ago
No you shouldn't! The more you smother a teen the more they are forced to hide their behaviour/plans etc.

Sleepovers at 12 are a bit different but I'm always very Hmm when parents contact me if they are just hanging out.

WanderingButNotLostYet · 26/08/2021 12:59

Ask for the address and let him go.

UserStillatLarge · 26/08/2021 13:02

Sleepovers at 12 are a bit different but I'm always very hmm when parents contact me if they are just hanging out.

Yes exactly - DD had a friend with a particularly overprotective mother and I always had to text mum when the friend came over to confirm that she was there and what time she should be picked up. Thankfully the mother stopped insisting when her daughter got to Year 10, but it was really tedious. Embarrassing for her daughter to have to keep asking her friends to get their parents to text her mum as well.

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