Page 8 | To enjoy being a bit skint

Welcometotheterrorzone · 2021-08-26T07:39:46+00:00

I realise this might sound really privileged to some. We are by no means struggling to pay our mortgage or buy food. We both have alright jobs, low paid but steady and enough to pay for a lovely house in a rough part of town. Like I said, we do alright but have to budget in order to have Christmas and holidays. We camp, we don't eat out, we share subscriptions with friends, we have one car, we buy second hand everything, we use freetogo apps etc to save. I am an obsessive yellow sticker shopper and do not pay full price for any meat, bread, milk or fruit as I hit different supermarkets at different times and have a huge freezer to store it all in. We eat veggie 70% of the time too. Yesterday it was a one off treat day for DS as he's starting school. I had £24 for the day and no access to anymore money. We had such a lovely time, bakery lunch, went to a national trust place where just going in the grounds is a lot cheaper than tickets for the house so did that, treated them to an ice lolly and found a Poundland on the way home for a toy instead of getting (the same quality) toy in the gift shop. I was a bit worried at one point as we walked past this amazing sweet shop and I thought that they were going to ask for something I couldn't afford (only had £2 left by this point as we were on our way to the train station) but brilliantly they had a reduced section with these Harry Potter chocolate bars for 50p so still had a £1 at the end of it. My aibu is that I don't want to lose this feeling of joy that we have found something that fits our budget and makes me feel like I'm treating them. I've had times where I felt really down that I can't just say 'choose whatever you like' but I think every parent sets limits so I'm not being unnecessary harsh. I'm trying to teach them to find pleasure in small things, and that finding the right toy in a charity shop is better than going to a big toy shop full of plastic where you can choose anything. I hope they don't resent me for it. Luckily it's payday tomorrow!

harriethoyle · 26/08/2021 11:48

Pretty sure this is the plot of Pulp's Common People...

Sobeyondthehills · 26/08/2021 11:51

@Cornflowerdream

My situation is far worse than that. Thanks for asking

Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 26/08/2021 11:56

I grew up on a council estate in the north east of England. We just about survived the miners strike. My parents had very little money. Food was very limited choice, breakfast was toast, we did’nt have treats, we drank water as couldn’t afford juice, dinner was always with a couple of slices of bread to pad the meal out. What my parents did though was to save what they could, even if it was pennies some weeks so we could spend a couple of days away in the summer. These were day trips so not staying over night. We would often take our own food but would have fish and chips one day.
We just about had money to pay bills, never had electric cut off, my grandparents helped out. Does that mean I can’t use the word skint when describing what it was like growing up. We were skint and ain’t nobody going to tell me otherwise.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 26/08/2021 11:57

I'm a huge believer in taking joy from small things wherever you are in life OP and I get where you're coming from. I've had times in life when I've been better off than I ever thought I'd be, but equally times in earlier life when I literally didn't know where my next fiver was coming from.

It's good to take pleasure in small things, and as a parent to feel quietly proud of being able to look after your child in all circumstances and even give them a treat from time to time. Sounds like you both had a lovely day! 😊

Brownleatherjacket · 26/08/2021 12:03

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theleafandnotthetree · 26/08/2021 12:03

OP I think I know what you are getting at. I went from pretty comfortably off to barely scraping by when I left my marriage 4 years ago and while I was getting re-established career wise. There were awful bits - having a fiver left to put in the electricity meter, having to say no to so many things - I do also remember having moments/days of feeling really satisfied and proud for the quality of what we were doing versus the cost. We had a LOT of picnics, lots of day trips to free places like beaches and woods, afternoon tea parties where we ate the same thing we would have been doing anyway but doing so out of a china tea pot and crockery. But I was very aware that this would first of all be relatively temporary - I now earn a decent enough salary and I don't have to worry unduly about bills etc - but more importantly, it was built on a bedrock of pre-existing privelege. I had an education, a car from previously, a wardrobe of clothes, hundreds of books, family members who could lend me money, networks and contacts, a pre existing mobile phone contracr, some nice things to keep us going and I knew that my children were getting to do really nice and more costly things with their Dad. I never kidded myself that this phase of my life gave me anymore than a glimpse into what it is really like to live day after day, year after year in poverty with no improvement in sight. Your post is a little all over the place and it's a bit hard to place where on a spectrum you actually lie so I think you have got some people's backs up

memberofthewedding · 26/08/2021 12:04

I think some folks on this thread are being a bit precious!

Regardless of how much you have in the bank, there is nothing wrong or patronising with setting a budget for an outing and sticking to it without being mean and frugil. And there is always a sense of satisfaction when you are able to do so.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/08/2021 12:08

Sounds like a great day out on a budget. You say no access to any other money. Can I ask though what your plan B was. Eg train recently had to stop due to bomb threat and all passengers escorted off. Didn’t start running again for hours. How would you have got home without money?

babouchette · 26/08/2021 12:09

What an absolutely ridiculous and smug thread. "Only" having £24 to take your child for a fun day out is not being skint. Having to use food banks and not having enough money for toilet paper is being skint. Fine if you take pride in budgeting but no need to be quite so self congratulatory about it.

icedcoffees · 26/08/2021 12:13

@memberofthewedding

I think some folks on this thread are being a bit precious!

Regardless of how much you have in the bank, there is nothing wrong or patronising with setting a budget for an outing and sticking to it without being mean and frugil. And there is always a sense of satisfaction when you are able to do so.

Nobody is saying you can't enjoy setting a budget and sticking to it.

But saying you "enjoy being a bit skint" is just insensitive. OP isn't skint - she has a house with a mortgage and all her bills and childcare are covered with enough left over for her to spend £24 on a day out.

The whole tone of the OP is off.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/08/2021 12:16

It is patronising, op has previously said they have spent £1700 on a holiday cottage, and booked a museum at £20 per person and kids who only give a shit about gift shops, yet has also had the electric cut off twice this summer and lost freezers full of food?

Shes come on to tell us how great it is to be a bit skint, when she absolutely has no concept of it at all, apart from in her own mind.

Share tips on how to have a cheap day out, even share that you've had a lovely day out, but don't come on stating that being a bit skint is great when you're clearly not skint at all.

Bookworm20 · 26/08/2021 12:18

You''ve definitely worded this wrong here OP.
I get what you are trying to say, but its come across pretty bad.
£24 on a day out is not being skint.
Your point was you don't have to spend £100 to get an enjoyable day, we get that.
But actually £24 on a sandwich and a day out in a park is loads!

MuddlingMackem · 26/08/2021 12:18

@allLonelylooloo Thu 26-Aug-21 10:45:46
I have 2 small children of my own and my DH thinks I’m crackers because I fully intend to conceal that we can afford things from them.

I’m gonna make them choose between an ice cream or a ride on the carousel, even though we can easily afford both, because I think they’ll enjoy it more and it’ll make them better people xx

No need to do this. Since you have the money just give them pocket money and let them choose what they want within their own budget. Our kids have spent their childhood's learning the value of money and learning to gauge just how much they really want something when they have to buy it with their own money and learning to save for things which are more expensive. Double benefit.

My now 14 year old even commented recently how much of a benefit it is to have this experience in budgeting compared to her friends who just get handed money for things by their parents.

For an example, I like taking my kids out for coffee and cake occasionally but I have a limited budget for this. Last time DD wanted a more expensive drink than I'd budgeted for, so she covered the difference from her spending money as it was something she really did want. :)

EatYourVegetables · 26/08/2021 12:20

People are being really harsh to the OP. I know not everyone has £24 for the day out and some people don’t have £24 for the week, but this is a forum where last week everyone agreed that spending £8K on a second hand watch is a good investment, that Birkin bags are the only really good bags, that you should never date a man who doesn’t drive, and that a child needs a new bag, pencil case and a water bottle every year.

Enjoy your days out on a budget, OP.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/08/2021 12:26

@grapewine

And as much as some people would scoff at me for this, I have a massive bugbear with people who have their bills all covered and spare money to play with on nice days out buying up all the yellow sticker items. Families who really really struggle are desperate for lower priced goods, but there's you hoarding them in your massive freezer and skipping merrily through National trust properties on a lovely day out, with money left over for toys and sweets. Those other families can't even dream of it because they're unlikely to be able to visit multiple supermarkets and swipe up all their perishables for cut prices, so every penny goes on bills and food, with much juggling and corner cutting

I'll probably get flamed, but I couldn't agree more.

Agree with this as well

Tal45 · 26/08/2021 12:27

I think you phrased it badly OP, it wasn't that you enjoyed being skint - you said yourself you were a bit worried that you couldn't afford anything in the expensive sweet shop for instance - more that you were pleased that you could could enjoy a day out on a strict budget with no complaints from the kids.

Honeymare · 26/08/2021 12:28

I know exactly what you're saying OP but you got your wording wrong. I never want to enjoy the thrill of being able to make a splurge and get the thrill of it.

I'm not skint but my financial situation has varied over the years. I once had a horrific couple of years with illness, couldn't work, had bills piling up etc. I got out of it, lined up a well paid contract. The day before I started I happened upon a designer jacket way out of my usual budget and tried it on for a laugh. I fell madly in love, i felt beautiful in it which was not a feeling I'd had about myself since before I was ill. I checked the shop regular while doing the contract and on payday rushed out to buy the jacket.

As my financial situation improved drastically over the following years I always keep my spending in check because it's not the spending money it's the relative feeling that makes it exciting and I want to hang onto that.

In a nutshell, we should apply to ourselves the same caution parents take not to spoil children.

Honeymare · 26/08/2021 12:29

*I never want to lose the thrill of making a splurge

RubyFowler · 26/08/2021 12:36

@theleafandnotthetree

OP I think I know what you are getting at. I went from pretty comfortably off to barely scraping by when I left my marriage 4 years ago and while I was getting re-established career wise. There were awful bits - having a fiver left to put in the electricity meter, having to say no to so many things - I do also remember having moments/days of feeling really satisfied and proud for the quality of what we were doing versus the cost. We had a LOT of picnics, lots of day trips to free places like beaches and woods, afternoon tea parties where we ate the same thing we would have been doing anyway but doing so out of a china tea pot and crockery. But I was very aware that this would first of all be relatively temporary - I now earn a decent enough salary and I don't have to worry unduly about bills etc - but more importantly, it was built on a bedrock of pre-existing privelege. I had an education, a car from previously, a wardrobe of clothes, hundreds of books, family members who could lend me money, networks and contacts, a pre existing mobile phone contracr, some nice things to keep us going and I knew that my children were getting to do really nice and more costly things with their Dad. I never kidded myself that this phase of my life gave me anymore than a glimpse into what it is really like to live day after day, year after year in poverty with no improvement in sight. Your post is a little all over the place and it's a bit hard to place where on a spectrum you actually lie so I think you have got some people's backs up

I'm in the same situation now as you were then, and I totally recognise what you're saying. It is nothing more than a glimpse.

nettie434 · 26/08/2021 12:38

Eatyourvegetables Well said!

VeryLongBeeeeep · 26/08/2021 12:48

this is a forum where last week everyone agreed that spending £8K on a second hand watch is a good investment

A proportion of people on that particular thread may have agreed, but that's very far from 'everyone' on the site, and I doubt the OP of it said "I'm pretty skint but I'm thinking about spending £8k on a watch".

OhWhyNot · 26/08/2021 12:50

Everyone agreeing £8k is a good investment for a watch ?

I doubt everyone for many of us (though I recognise that MN is overwhelming mc) that isn’t something we would even think of as being a good investment as we simply wouldn’t have that sort of money to invest in a watch or buy a Birkin bag

The op comes across as crass and has posted on AIBU should we just all be agreeing how great and what fun it is to be skint for a day

theleafandnotthetree · 26/08/2021 12:50

@DGFB

I think the point you’re trying to make is that being frugal with young children can be a good thing… Wait until they are teenagers though and want branded stuff to keep up with their mates. Plus cash for cinema and burgers

Not every teenager is like this, mine couldn't care less about branded stuff and never have. You see this written as if it's a given - scaring the life out of people who can't afford it - but it really isn't. And I do think the messages of frugality, values etc in earlier childhood do filter through

BittaOrange · 26/08/2021 12:53

@Notcontent

I am assuming you don’t mean to offend anyone but really, your post is so out of touch….

What nonsense I would say the OP has got it exactly right.

beastlyslumber · 26/08/2021 12:53

Good god the people on here going on about how 'insensitive' and 'privileged' the OP is when half the posts on here are about how your husband earns £100k but won't pay for shopping, or how the nanny/cleaner/butler has BU, or how your neighbour is a CF for parking over your driveway so you can't get your second car in.

Sadly, some people are just always looking for a sign of what they consider weakness so they can stick the boot in. OP, you sound lovely. Don't apologise for your situation, and don't let the idiots ruin your day.