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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Dreamingofbeergardens · 26/08/2021 19:15

And I mean that the OP was completely right to tell off the 5 year old who was complaining about a plate (wtf) but it's more difficult with the child on holiday!
I hope you get your adult time tonight OP.

Janaih · 26/08/2021 19:20

I used to take dd to a playgroup that was about 90% childminders. One of their charges would talk at you non stop for the whole session. Her minder barked "scarlet, go and play!" Then rolled her eyes at me and said "she gets a LOT of attention at home..." Grin

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 19:24

@Melliferous

does 'gentle' mean lazy?
No.
LunaTheCat · 26/08/2021 19:24

@LoislovesStewie

Please; go to the pub get roaring drunk, come back and wake the little darling up.
This!
Dustinto · 26/08/2021 19:25

Sounds like a nightmare. My Dsis is the same, it’s ruining her relationship with her DP because DN can do no wrong in her eyes. Strange because she had no tolerance of other people’s children before DN came along.

EastWestWhosBest · 26/08/2021 19:26

Good luck tonight.

pictish · 26/08/2021 19:29

I hope your friend’s daughter goes to bed and stays in bed. This would drive me mad.

MsTSwift · 26/08/2021 19:30

Short of illness or emergency older primary aged kids need to understand that from 8.30 ish onwards on holiday the parenting show is well and truly no longer on. We are human too and need a bloody break!

berryhead2013 · 26/08/2021 19:45

Much respect to
You dobble is hard enough sober never mind after a few wines
Yanbu tho half eleven is far too late the kid needs to tow the line and the mum needs to make her even if it means said child sitting in her room with a book

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Jemand · 26/08/2021 19:49

I'm still quite proud of the fact that DS wanted to volunteer me to help with Cubs because "when you get cross you get REALLY cross".

I do hope Alyssa's buggered off to bed and knows she's staying there. It sounds like you might actually be doing your friend a favour if she learns that you can actually say no to her DD occasionally.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 19:50

"Well that's a nice story but I do believe you've made half of it up and as a teacher I need to tell you to brush up on your reading comprehension grin"

Says the person sitting losing Dobble to an 8 year old while watching horrid Henry.

EastWestWhosBest · 26/08/2021 19:51

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

I'm sure we'll hear all about it... oh the wonder. Op will sweep in with her quietly raised voice (not yelling), she'll just tell that 8 year old, the kid will look at her in abject horror/awe...as will the useless parent who will announce after it was the best piece of parenting she's ever seen. Op will be the hero of the moment. Mumsnet rejoice at brat in bed. A chorus of hip hip hooray...you can enjoy your evenings now... talk about new boyfriend or how parents who don't bark orders at their kids are setting them up for a lifetime of failure.

Yey

ODFOD
Melliferous · 26/08/2021 19:52

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh, you've taken this all very personally. Do you happen to have a child who likes to be present at adult gatherings? Do you encourage them in this?

Melliferous · 26/08/2021 19:53

One night of a child's company? Fine. Two? Possibly. Every night of a holiday? Absolutely not. Boring beyond words.

torchh · 26/08/2021 19:56

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

I'm sure we'll hear all about it... oh the wonder. Op will sweep in with her quietly raised voice (not yelling), she'll just tell that 8 year old, the kid will look at her in abject horror/awe...as will the useless parent who will announce after it was the best piece of parenting she's ever seen. Op will be the hero of the moment. Mumsnet rejoice at brat in bed. A chorus of hip hip hooray...you can enjoy your evenings now... talk about new boyfriend or how parents who don't bark orders at their kids are setting them up for a lifetime of failure.

Yey

You're accidentally hilarious
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 26/08/2021 19:58

@Melliferous

does 'gentle' mean lazy?

Honestly, IME, not really. Maybe when our kids were tiny, and their kids were getting to do whatever they wanted to do, and I was carrying my screaming surfboard out of there, but a few years on I think it looks much harder for them. My DC and I get on, we have such a laugh together - but I'm not their mate, and they know it. I've set boundaries, and reinforced them every time, and now unreasonable requests are met with an eye roll and "what do you think?" And that's an end to it, whilst the Gentle Parents enter the third day of negotiations.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 20:00

[quote Melliferous]@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh, you've taken this all very personally. Do you happen to have a child who likes to be present at adult gatherings? Do you encourage them in this?[/quote]
I've got 3. They rejoice at adult gatherings, one especially delights in showing everyone his Minecraft worlds. Ah the square chickens and pigs. Glorious.

torchh · 26/08/2021 20:00

Lots of lazy actions actually make more work in the long run. Like leaving food to dry onto plates that are pushed under beds.

Still lazy!

torchh · 26/08/2021 20:01

Honestly @DoWhatYouWantToAndShh what's your beef?

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 26/08/2021 20:05

@torchh

Lots of lazy actions actually make more work in the long run. Like leaving food to dry onto plates that are pushed under beds.

Still lazy!

Well that's certainly very true!

SpeakingFranglais · 26/08/2021 20:09

IMO, we need to nurture our children like animals do. The kitten that doesn’t do as it’s told and wanders off? Give it a swipe, Take it by the scruff of its neck, deposit it where mummy cat wants it to be.

In the kitten sleep area.

Your friend needs to follow suit. Nothing wrong with some hard discipline And clear boundaries. I’m shocked at those that think you are a meanie 😂

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 20:13

@torchh

Honestly *@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh* what's your beef?
Not much. Just find it funny all the effective parents who surfboard kids and bark orders while looking down on those who don't as lazy and assume the kids are running riot.

I'm not lazy, my kids aren't my bestest friend, but also I don't declare I'm so great in comparison and squark at 5 year olds while complaining about an 8 year old up until 11pm.

Op should have said after night 1 of stupidity, that she didn't want to sit playing Dobble etc. Instead she's done 3 nights of that crap, whined about how the kid is awful, whined about how shit her friend is as a parent while declaring superiority and questioning my reading comprehension. The absolute liberty.

Perhaps use your big girl teacher voice OP. Works every other time.
Maybe your pal thinks you don't mind, mainly because, like you claim, you're always telling kids off where you feel they're in the wrong. She prob thinks that because you're happy yelling at her 5 year old to stop flapping at a plate, that you'd tell her 8 year old to knob off.

gindreams · 26/08/2021 20:15

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh
I m sorry you just appear to be unspeakably ghastly

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/08/2021 20:16

When I was a toddler, @SpeakingFranglais, our cat used stern Cat discipline on me. I was generally reasonably gentle with her, but I was a toddler, and occasionally overstepped her limits - and she would smack me with her paw, with the claws retracted - so a smack not a scratch.

Until one day when I pushed my luck, and she deliberately scratched me with just one claw. I went and cried to mum, who told me I had asked for it, and would be more careful from now on.

I learned my lesson, and was more careful.