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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2021 16:34

@QueenHofScotland - yep, totally agree. She should be sent back to bed, regardless of whether she goes to sleep or not.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 26/08/2021 16:46

“ What, they hang around in someone else's house waiting for the child to comply?”

@torchh there was a thread once about a woman whose child went for a play date and the dad was incredibly ineffectual getting the DD to actually leave. She was getting updates from him like “I can’t get her to put her shoes on” or something like that. It was equal parts funny and awful.

MsTSwift · 26/08/2021 16:54

Yeah collecting dads were the worst. So wet! Their previously compliant well behaved dds acting like utter brats and they were unable to cope. Mortifyingly I ended up stepping in and telling kid to put shoes on and go with dad etc as I had stuff to do and couldn’t stand in hall all evening !🙄

torchh · 26/08/2021 16:57

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

“ What, they hang around in someone else's house waiting for the child to comply?”

@torchh there was a thread once about a woman whose child went for a play date and the dad was incredibly ineffectual getting the DD to actually leave. She was getting updates from him like “I can’t get her to put her shoes on” or something like that. It was equal parts funny and awful.

Yes! I remember that one! Insane
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 26/08/2021 17:02

He was there for about 3 hours!

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 26/08/2021 17:04

I brook absolutely zero shit from my kids behaving like this. No tolerance for it at all. But when you’re around friends or acquaintances who are a bit more wishy-washy, it makes me feel like I am just this horrible mum who has no patience.

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:06

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

He was there for about 3 hours!
🤣🤣🤣

Honestly! Wouldn't it be funny if he was a massively respected boss at work, yet a completely wet blanket when it comes to his child

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:07

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

I brook absolutely zero shit from my kids behaving like this. No tolerance for it at all. But when you’re around friends or acquaintances who are a bit more wishy-washy, it makes me feel like I am just this horrible mum who has no patience.
My close friend makes me feel like Cruella. Which is madness really considering I never shout or anything like that, I just take absolutely no shit.

She on the other hand......

Confiscatedpopit · 26/08/2021 17:10

This happened to me a few years ago on holiday OP… NEVER EVER AGAIN 😂🙈🙈
I spend the whole day happily making it a ‘child-friendly’/ (read dominated) holiday- I’m not having 2-3 hours in the evening all about it too.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 26/08/2021 17:11

@torchh 💯 Absolutely.

MsTSwift · 26/08/2021 17:35

As my mother said parenting is what you can bear. I could be Mary poppins all day but not all evening too. Fuck no.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 26/08/2021 17:37

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

I brook absolutely zero shit from my kids behaving like this. No tolerance for it at all. But when you’re around friends or acquaintances who are a bit more wishy-washy, it makes me feel like I am just this horrible mum who has no patience.

Yep. I get "concerned smiles" from the Gentle Parents when they hear me briskly commanding my offspring. Sometimes I feel bad, but only for a moment - then I remember that their kids run out of school and start twatting them round the head whilst screeching "SNACK! SNAAAAAACK!!!" at them, whereas my two come out and ask me how my day has been, and feel smug instead.

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:44

The more Gentle Parenting I see, the more I think it's bullshit

eddiemairswife · 26/08/2021 17:45

I think if I were to be in that situation, I would take myself to bed as soon as Alyssa appeared, taking with me my book, I pad, AND the bottle of wine.

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:50

I disagree with all the 'drink wine alone' posters but I would definitely just go to bed of the kid showed up again

MsTSwift · 26/08/2021 17:50

Agree It’s bullshit. I also think it does the kid no favours. They think the world revolves around them and finding it doesn’t is a nasty delayed shock. It can make the unappealing to other adults (see op) and worse to their peers as many are whiny and self absorbed. And they don’t really like it either most kids quite like reasonable boundaries they feel safer.

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:52

@MsTSwift

Agree It’s bullshit. I also think it does the kid no favours. They think the world revolves around them and finding it doesn’t is a nasty delayed shock. It can make the unappealing to other adults (see op) and worse to their peers as many are whiny and self absorbed. And they don’t really like it either most kids quite like reasonable boundaries they feel safer.
Agree. Boundaries are so important for a feeling of security. Children need to know someone is steering the ship!

You can be loving, caring, affectionate, giving, etc etc AND let them know what's expected of them. Mutual respect is normally all that's needed!

MsTSwift · 26/08/2021 17:53

We had a toe curling experience with a gentle parented child who had never been told no at dds 10th birthday. Child made an entirely unreasonable demand and dh calmly said no. Massive tantrum ensued. Dh and the child had a stand off in urban outfitters. Dh won. I would have died if my NT child behaved like that at that age.

torchh · 26/08/2021 17:54

@MsTSwift

We had a toe curling experience with a gentle parented child who had never been told no at dds 10th birthday. Child made an entirely unreasonable demand and dh calmly said no. Massive tantrum ensued. Dh and the child had a stand off in urban outfitters. Dh won. I would have died if my NT child behaved like that at that age.
Did you make a thread about it? Because I vaguely remember something like this
Harvestyo · 26/08/2021 17:57

@MsTSwift

We had a toe curling experience with a gentle parented child who had never been told no at dds 10th birthday. Child made an entirely unreasonable demand and dh calmly said no. Massive tantrum ensued. Dh and the child had a stand off in urban outfitters. Dh won. I would have died if my NT child behaved like that at that age.
Did they want to be bought something?
torchh · 26/08/2021 17:58

I definitely (think) I remember this 😂

RuggerHug · 26/08/2021 17:59

Fuck that. Don't change the conversation, if she interrupts with what she wants 'Alyssa, this is a grown ups conversation' 'Alyssa, we're talking about X, did you not understand? Try and keep up' 'No I don't want to play, this is adult time, remember we explained it to you' head tilt of god love you,she's a bit slow to the DM 'Your DM needs a break from you', 'JUST GET UP THOSE STAIRS YOU CRETIN HUP HUP'.

OK I'm not actually saying do any of these but I'd be bloody tempted. Grin

LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2021 18:10

@TopBlogger

I would have to say something like "Well that's our evening finished then - think I will head to bed!" when her DD came down at 9. No point in you staying, may as well chill in bed and MNet Grin.
I'd word it slightly differently but hopefully getting the same message across. I'd say "Well, that's yet another one of our evening's finished with then - think I'll head to bed... and stay there !" If a bottle of wine has been opened, take the WHOLE bottle with you and a glass. Don't leave it behind you Grin
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 18:24

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling

I brook absolutely zero shit from my kids behaving like this. No tolerance for it at all. But when you’re around friends or acquaintances who are a bit more wishy-washy, it makes me feel like I am just this horrible mum who has no patience.
That's EXACTLY how I feel! My friend's 5yo had a tantrum at lunchtime because her mum put her food on a blue plate not a yellow plate. Legs kicking on the floor and "GET ME THE YELLOW PLATE RIGHT NOW" And friend went "Oh dear, sorry Lucy, I'll get the other plate now". I couldn't keep my gob shut and used my teacher voice to say she should not speak to her mummy like that, it's only a plate and mummy is being good enough to make you a lovely lunch. 5yo was Confused I'm not sure she's heard a raised voice before Grinspoke to soon about her being an angel 🤣
OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 18:28

Yep. I get "concerned smiles" from the Gentle Parents when they hear me briskly commanding my offspring. Sometimes I feel bad, but only for a moment - then I remember that their kids run out of school and start twatting them round the head whilst screeching "SNACK! SNAAAAAACK!!!" at them, whereas my two come out and ask me how my day has been, and feel smug instead.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes this is my experience too. The worst thing is that they don't seem to see a problem with being twatted on the head and screamed at.

They soon have a problem come teenage years though when I'm putting them in detention for being cheeky little bastards, and being told "you need to earn her respect" off dad (also a real example and happens every year)

OP posts:
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