2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Just be aware she can still leave a voicemail even though she is blocked

She has a perfectly good house to live in. She just can't choose to live with you instead and complain when you say no. CF!!

It is a shame that it had gone this far and that she just couldn't accept the word no. Well done op. That was both brave and hard to have to take it to this extreme but well done. Look after yourself.

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone I've blocked her number.. I didn't want to have to loose a friend like this but I suppose it's within my best interests.

She was never your friend really. That was an illusion and now you've been shown the reality.

@islandhoppin

It is very dramatic, ridiculously so. I've never had these issues with her before. Granted she's a strong character but it's never been to this extent.

Isn’t that because you used to give in in the past? She thought she could walk all over you. What a CF. Well done!

She is either in a panic or just the most outrageous CF.

Bloody hell… even without dogs and mental health issues I wouldn’t have someone staying that long! I like my own space and DH certainly wouldn’t like it.

I’ve read your updates but can’t find out why you haven’t asked her why she can’t stay in the house until it’s sold.
She can’t move expect to move in without a solid reason even before you decide yes or no. “It will be fun”isn’t a reason.

No, is a perfectly reasonable response. Is her dog that much of a pain? You could you just have the dog to make it easier for her to find somewhere else perhaps.

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone I've blocked her number.. I didn't want to have to loose a friend like this but I suppose it's within my best interests.

Well done. Is there any other ways she could contact you? Just be wary she may try other routes if she wants to get nasty. You've done the right thing OP, your mental health comes first.

I’ve read your updates but can’t find out why you haven’t asked her why she can’t stay in the house until it’s sold.

Not the OPs problem.

I would not be worried about losing this friendship as she has shown her true colours here. She is obviously used to getting her own way and is in a rage that you wont do as she wants.

@Lightisnotwhite is there any reason good enough to let someone move into your house rent free for several months when they own their own house? And why on earth do you think the OP should take on her dog, this is not the OPs responsibility and she’s already said her dogs don’t get on with this dog.

Didn't see the first thread but in my universe you stay over with your friends for a weekend, and then with an invitation.

Not only asking, but putting pressure on someone to move in for months on end is a situation I haven't come across before. Who does that?

@Lightisnotwhite OP is wisely, and with our support, not engaging with this CF other than to say no. Any conversation other than that risks CF wheedling her way in and convincing OP that she has to take her in.

@Lightisnotwhite

I’ve read your updates but can’t find out why you haven’t asked her why she can’t stay in the house until it’s sold. She can’t move expect to move in without a solid reason even before you decide yes or no. “It will be fun”isn’t a reason.

No, is a perfectly reasonable response. Is her dog that much of a pain? You could you just have the dog to make it easier for her to find somewhere else perhaps.

Any form of engagement opens up a debate...

This is not a good idea... Who cares why she refuses to stay in her own property until it sells.. that's the friends business..

OP did the right thing... Said No and Block..

@islandhoppin do you have any mutual friends who might have an insight into what's going on? Also, if you do, I think it's important that they hear your side of things. She sounds just the sort of person who'll spin a whole different narrative to them.

You know how toddlers will throw themselves on the floor and howl in fury and utter despair when you tell them they can't wear chocolate cake as a hat, or put chopsticks up the cat's bum, or have 100s & 1000s for dinner?

Yeah. That.

TBH if this cheeky mare now comes up with a reason why she can’t possibly stay in her perfectly functional home while it’s on the market, I really wouldn’t believe her at this point anyway

@Lightisnotwhite OP doesn't need to ask why. Asking why opens up a conversation, and puts OP in a more vulnerable position with a 'friend' who is clearly oblivious to - or wilfully ignoring - OP's very clear boundaries. Asking why also opens OP up to feeling more guilt, which is even more detrimental to her MH and is probably what the 'friend' is counting on.

@saraclara that was my concern as well. There is no way she will not be bad-mouthing the OP to anyone who will listen.

However, you, your fiance and a bunch of MNers know the real story. You know the truth of it, and can sleep easy at night knowing that. Nothing she says or does can change what actually happened, no matter what spin she wants to put on it. Big horrible lies have a tendency to bubble up to the surface at some point, and then she'll look even worse for lying about it all, and you, and for attacking a "dear" friend's mental health.

Cant your H simply tell her its not just your decision, he also refuses to be unwilling host.
Its NO
Its no to her even without a dog
Its no especially now as she has decided its for free
You dont want like her freeloading partner either
He smokes in your house
You dont want a dog upstairs
Its a no brainer
Its your hone, not a free fir all hostel

NO, as a whole sentence

Good job OP. What a shame she has forced you to do this with her behaviour.

OP, don't stress about the future but it might be worth rehearsing what you'll say to her the next time you meet face to face if that is likely. Don't apologise and be on the back foot. Try and be assertive with, as a minimum a non-apology 'So sorry you acted so badly. You must have been in a difficult position to have treated me so awfully and not apologise'.

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone I've blocked her number.. I didn't want to have to loose a friend like this but I suppose it's within my best interests.

Good on you, real friends don’t try and bully / emotionally blackmail you into doing what they want..

She can’t move expect to move in without a solid reason even before you decide yes or no.

She can't expect to move in. Full stop.