2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

For the sake of your mental health you need to tell her not to contact you again and block her. Don’t let her drain your energy until you feel too weak to say no to her. You can do this @islandhoppin and you have the power of MN behind you!

@islandhoppin

It is very dramatic, ridiculously so. I've never had these issues with her before. Granted she's a strong character but it's never been to this extent.

Could that be because you've usually gone along with what she wanted before? She is showing you who she really is now.

Totally agree with @CaveMum let your DP listen to it. Can you mute her calls/messages for now? You've done really well OP, keep sticking to your guns. If there are more communications other than an apology for being unreasonable I would sadly call time on what you had believed was a friendship. Probably a text to say as much, along the lines of "Dear X, I'm messaging to let you know that I will be blocking communication from you with immediate effect. You asked, I considered and sadly cannot contemplate you and dog living with me. You have not respected my decision nor my boundaries and unfortunately our friendship is no longer salvageable. I wish you the best for the future." Then block and walk away (be prepared for her to try and make contact some other way, the CF obviously things you have boundaries made of jelly for her to walk all over so she may easily try to do it with this too!)

@islandhoppin

It is very dramatic, ridiculously so. I've never had these issues with her before. Granted she's a strong character but it's never been to this extent.

Then why not just block? It sounds like this is really affecting your MH and you could do without the stress.

Is she the sort who might just show up on your doorstep?

I can’t believe she would still be pleading to live with you- imagine you reluctantly said yes, how on earth would she be able to happily live with you knowing how much you don’t want her there!?

@islandhoppin

I've had another call this morning but not answered, another voicemail but I can't listen to it until my break later today. Not sure I even want to. It's draining.

Why haven't you blocked her number yet?

OP - I think there's far more to your friend's housing situation than she's letting on. Not your problem though.

50p says she'll come up with a cancer or fleeing from domestic violence story next.

Stay strong & don't let her drain you. She will try to do this so you will crumble. She is a horrible person.

Could that be because you've usually gone along with what she wanted before? She is showing you who she really is now.
@VexedofVirginiaWater has it right. Normally you would have caved by now and she's never had to ramp up to this extent before.

I think threatening to call the police might be premature (it's been like 4 texts and 2 voicemails) but I would definitely block her number in such a way that she can't leave voicemails - you may need an app to do that.

Well done for standing your ground! At least you now know if this friendship doesn’t get back on track that it’s not come from you. If you want to wrap it up with a final message, how about something like,
“I’m afraid my final answer to your request is no. I’m sorry this has upset you so much and I hope you find a solution.”
Then leave it at that. I’m sure your friend would be hard pressed to find someone who would side with her, if she’s truthful about the request.

What did she say in the voicemail?

I expect to her she doesn't realise what a big deal this is to you.

Thanks everyone I've blocked her number.. I didn't want to have to loose a friend like this but I suppose it's within my best interests.

I’d send her a text and then block her. My message might be a bit like this: “For goodness sake get some self respect. You have asked if you and your dog and partner can live here rent free and, unsurprisingly, I’ve said no. You won’t take no for an answer and are just making yourself look ridiculous. Back off now, I am going to block you and unfortunately this friendship has run its course.”
You need to be clear, take back control and draw a line in the sand. You’re never going to be able to be friends with this woman again so bite the bullet and just stop this nonsense from continuing.

Oops cross post seen you have blocked. Well done!

I think this friendship is probably over. It's getting silly now. She has a place to live, she was a boyfriend with a place to live, she probably has relatives. She is not your feckless teenage daughter. She needs to sort out her own accommodation like an adult. I suspect I could never be friends again with someone who tried manipulating me like this.

Well done. Drama can now cease. You really do not need people like this in your lives. Let her and her grabby family moan and wail amongst themselves at you being a cheeky bint for having boundaries.

Well done OP and please don't feel any guilt about any of this, or in fact any remorse over a lost friendship.

As PPs have said, I could never be friends again with someone who tried manipulating me like this.

Good on you @islandhoppin

🌸

Well done for blocking her. There is more to this desperate attempt to live rent free with you and I think maybe her and her partner felt they could save money by living bill and rent free (she made it clear money would be tight) for an unconfirmed amount of time at your expense.

I doubt you’ve lost a real friend here. I also doubt this about selling the house. More likely she’s renting it out.

Boundaries are walls. You set them up, alert anyone who needs to know that it’s there, then walk away from your side of the wall back to your life. Don’t hang around your wall, getting worn down hearing the toddler wailing happening on the other side.

This is brilliant, one to remember for sure.

Well done OP

Well done OP. I can quite understand how upsetting this is for you and how hard it must have been to block her.

But you did/do have to think of yourself and she is not behaving at all well in hounding you. When you say no to somebody they have to respect your answer is no. She is not a child, though she is acting like one.

She should have respected your answer first off. It's not as though she is a teenager begging a friend to lend her your favourite red dress for a date and hoping that in time the friend would be worn down and cave in and agree. This situation is far removed from that.

She was utterly deluded in thinking that hounding you would make you change your mind. It has had the exact opposite of her desired outcome unsurprisingly. It just goes to show that she really does not respect your boundaries at all and that she thinks her wishes override yours.

You need time and space away from this situation and perhaps in time things may even calm down and she may see the error of her ways and apologise to you in the future. Though she may not either. But at the moment you have done the right thing. But don't be surprised if she turns up at your house this weekend making yet another foolish attempt to change your mind. Keep strong. This will pass.

Ah, she's a 'strong character'. So often code for 'complete twat when it suits them'.

What a shame OP, it's awful to lose a friend but sometimes that's the way it has to be. I was hoping one of her messages might be that she's realised that she's been very unfair and wants to apologise, and I'm sorry that wasn't the case. I think you've done the right thing in blocking her